The Colbert Report
Intro - 3/9/09
Season 5 • 03/09/2009
Stephen can't believe Stacy drugged Rex's drink.
Steven JohnsonThe Colbert ReportS5
Steven Johnson talks about Joseph Priestley, the man who first realized that plants actually create the oxygen we breathe.
Intro - 3/5/09The Colbert ReportS5
The Obama administration goes after pundits. John King, set your magic screen to stun.
Tip/Wag - Rush LimbaughThe Colbert ReportS5
Rush Limbaugh doesn't care what the Constitution says, which is proof that he is the true leader of the Republican Party.
Market Psychology - Jim CramerThe Colbert ReportS5
Jim Cramer discusses the psychology of the open market with a backdrop of puppies and kittens.
Better Know a District - Wyoming's At-Large - Cynthia LummisThe Colbert ReportS5
Representative Cynthia Lummis judges a selection of Stephen's meats.
The Word - Locked and LoathedThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen longs for a day when gun owners no longer have to hide their relationships with their concealed weapons.
Sleep Tight, AbrahamThe Colbert ReportS5
Sleep tight, Abraham. You've got a big day tomorrow.
Lisa HanniganThe Colbert ReportS5
Lisa Hannigan sewed the cover, liner notes and lyrics of her album "Sea Sew."
New Baby Abraham Carter GroszThe Colbert ReportS5
Any script, teleplay or offspring generated by an employee of The Colbert Report is the intellectual property of Stephen Colbert.
Intro - 3/9/09The Colbert ReportS5
If Stacy drugged Rex's drink, who is going to perform Felicia's brain surgery?
Sick Three-WayThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen is an unwilling party to your sick three-way, and he'll see you in court.
Jay KeaslingThe Colbert ReportS5
Jay Keasling says the same yeast that we use to produce beer and bread will soon be fueling our cars and planes.
Space Module: Colbert - William GerstenmaierThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen asks William Gerstenmaier to commit to naming the space module "Colbert," if he wins the online vote.
Conservative Rap Battle - Droppin' Science on Michael SteeleThe Colbert ReportS5
Michael Steele may not have seen "8 Mile," but a key part of every rap battle is showing up to the rap battle.
Coffee-Induced HallucinationsThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen should have never bought M. Night Shyamalan coffee.
Intro - 3/10/09The Colbert ReportS5
Republican Party Chairman Michael Steele is in trouble -- his punishment: being chairman of the Republican Party.
The Word - Rand IllusionThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen wants to live on an island with the CEOs, hedge fund managers, House Republicans and TV pundits.
Stephen's EncoreThe Colbert ReportS5
If you clap for 23.5 hours straight, Stephen will come back for an encore.
Intro - 3/11/09The Colbert ReportS5
Republicans turn to a classic novel for inspiration -- 'It was the worst of times, it was the worster of times.'
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