The Colbert Report

New Military Weapon

Season 3 • 01/30/2007

What's better than an invisible beam to fight an abstract concept?

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00:36

Intro - 1/29/07
The Colbert ReportS3

Microsoft hires someone to tamper with Wikipedia, and Scientologists name their new messiah.
01/29/2007
03:18

The Word - Wikilobbying
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen is sure people will start trusting Microsoft again, if Microsoft just pays someone to write an entry in Wikipedia about how people are trusting Microsoft again.
01/29/2007
01:01

New York Grieves
The Colbert ReportS3

New York got an all-too-brief taste of grace from Camilla Rosemary Parker-Bowles Mountbatten-Windsor this weekend.
01/29/2007
04:10

Tip/Wag - Tom Cruise
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen wags his finger at Ruth Bader Ginsburg, the Church of Scientology, the National Coalition for the Homeless, and brain damage.
01/29/2007
00:48

Caviar Omelets for the Troops
The Colbert ReportS3

With $1.2 trillion, Stephen would buy the troops $1,000 caviar omelets for every meal.
01/30/2007
00:30

Intro - 1/30/07
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen knows how the money on the Iraq war should have been spent, looks inside our nation's legal system, and asks Donna Shalala how she's using her retirement to destroy America.
01/30/2007
06:17

Donna Shalala
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen asks Donna Shalala if cabinet meetings were interrupted to change Clinton's bong water.
01/30/2007
01:10

Sign Off - Microwave Gift to O'Reilly
The Colbert ReportS3

It was an honor for Stephen to steal a microwave from Bill O'Reilly's green room, but he hasn't been feeling too great about what he did.
01/30/2007
04:30

David Leonhardt
The Colbert ReportS3

How much should we spend on freedom? Stephen makes David Leonhardt an offer he can't refuse.
01/30/2007
03:20

Judge, Jury & Executioner - Adultery
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen declares Scooter Libby innocent, a life sentence for adultery fair, and a Levi's lawsuit baseless.
01/30/2007
03:41

New Military Weapon
The Colbert ReportS3

The Pentagon introduces a new non-lethal weapon with an invisible beam, but Stephen has come up with his own irresistible security technology.
01/30/2007
02:24

Global Warming
The Colbert ReportS3

To protest Paris' decrease in power consumption, Stephen has replaced his stage manager, Bobby, with a 5,000 watt heat lamp
01/31/2007
02:01

The Word - Black Sheep
The Colbert ReportS3

If sheep do it, it must prove that being gay is natural, right? Wrong. It just proves being a sheep is unnatural.
01/31/2007
05:56

Jed Babbin
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen asks Jed Babbin what can be done to shut the American people up.
01/31/2007
00:32

Intro - 1/31/07
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen looks at gay sheep, and throws down with Gregory Meeks.
01/31/2007
05:05

Better Know a District - New York's 6th - Gregory Meeks
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen asks Gregory Meeks if he expects much resistance to the mandatory gay marriage act.
01/31/2007
04:10

On Notice - Jane Fonda Fantasies
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen can't put Jane Fonda on notice until he puts his fantasies of Jane Fonda on notice.
01/31/2007
06:18

Chuck Schumer
The Colbert ReportS3

Chuck Schumer talks to Stephen about his new book, his views on Iraq and Hillary Clinton. Then, Stephen accuses him of promising a bad economy.
02/01/2007
02:53

The Word - We Shall Overcome
The Colbert ReportS3

The Hispanic Congressional Congress is a perfect example of being colorblind -- they have eleven non-Hispanic members to their five Hispanic members.
02/01/2007
01:47

Cartoon Terrorism
The Colbert ReportS3

A publicity stunt for Aqua Teen Hunger Force caused a terrorism scare in Boston. What's more, it also ruined several marketing campaigns that Stephen had planned.
02/01/2007
01:36

The Most Poetic F@#king Thing I've Ever Heard
The Colbert ReportS3

Rainbow covered bridges paved with babies' dreams has nothing on moths that drink the tears of sleeping magpies. That's the most poetic f**king thing Stephen has ever heard.
02/01/2007
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