The Colbert Report
New Military Weapon
Season 3 • 01/30/2007
What's better than an invisible beam to fight an abstract concept?
Intro - 1/29/07The Colbert ReportS3
Microsoft hires someone to tamper with Wikipedia, and Scientologists name their new messiah.
The Word - WikilobbyingThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen is sure people will start trusting Microsoft again, if Microsoft just pays someone to write an entry in Wikipedia about how people are trusting Microsoft again.
New York GrievesThe Colbert ReportS3
New York got an all-too-brief taste of grace from Camilla Rosemary Parker-Bowles Mountbatten-Windsor this weekend.
Tip/Wag - Tom CruiseThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen wags his finger at Ruth Bader Ginsburg, the Church of Scientology, the National Coalition for the Homeless, and brain damage.
Caviar Omelets for the TroopsThe Colbert ReportS3
With $1.2 trillion, Stephen would buy the troops $1,000 caviar omelets for every meal.
Intro - 1/30/07The Colbert ReportS3
Stephen knows how the money on the Iraq war should have been spent, looks inside our nation's legal system, and asks Donna Shalala how she's using her retirement to destroy America.
Donna ShalalaThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen asks Donna Shalala if cabinet meetings were interrupted to change Clinton's bong water.
Sign Off - Microwave Gift to O'ReillyThe Colbert ReportS3
It was an honor for Stephen to steal a microwave from Bill O'Reilly's green room, but he hasn't been feeling too great about what he did.
David LeonhardtThe Colbert ReportS3
How much should we spend on freedom? Stephen makes David Leonhardt an offer he can't refuse.
Judge, Jury & Executioner - AdulteryThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen declares Scooter Libby innocent, a life sentence for adultery fair, and a Levi's lawsuit baseless.
New Military WeaponThe Colbert ReportS3
The Pentagon introduces a new non-lethal weapon with an invisible beam, but Stephen has come up with his own irresistible security technology.
Global WarmingThe Colbert ReportS3
To protest Paris' decrease in power consumption, Stephen has replaced his stage manager, Bobby, with a 5,000 watt heat lamp
The Word - Black SheepThe Colbert ReportS3
If sheep do it, it must prove that being gay is natural, right? Wrong. It just proves being a sheep is unnatural.
Jed BabbinThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen asks Jed Babbin what can be done to shut the American people up.
Intro - 1/31/07The Colbert ReportS3
Stephen looks at gay sheep, and throws down with Gregory Meeks.
Better Know a District - New York's 6th - Gregory MeeksThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen asks Gregory Meeks if he expects much resistance to the mandatory gay marriage act.
On Notice - Jane Fonda FantasiesThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen can't put Jane Fonda on notice until he puts his fantasies of Jane Fonda on notice.
Chuck SchumerThe Colbert ReportS3
Chuck Schumer talks to Stephen about his new book, his views on Iraq and Hillary Clinton. Then, Stephen accuses him of promising a bad economy.
The Word - We Shall OvercomeThe Colbert ReportS3
The Hispanic Congressional Congress is a perfect example of being colorblind -- they have eleven non-Hispanic members to their five Hispanic members.
Cartoon TerrorismThe Colbert ReportS3
A publicity stunt for Aqua Teen Hunger Force caused a terrorism scare in Boston. What's more, it also ruined several marketing campaigns that Stephen had planned.
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