The Colbert Report
New Military Weapon
Season 3 • 01/30/2007
What's better than an invisible beam to fight an abstract concept?
The Colbert ReportS3 Intro - 1/29/07
Microsoft hires someone to tamper with Wikipedia, and Scientologists name their new messiah.
The Colbert ReportS3 The Word - Wikilobbying
Stephen is sure people will start trusting Microsoft again, if Microsoft just pays someone to write an entry in Wikipedia about how people are trusting Microsoft again.
The Colbert ReportS3 New York Grieves
New York got an all-too-brief taste of grace from Camilla Rosemary Parker-Bowles Mountbatten-Windsor this weekend.
The Colbert ReportS3 Tip/Wag - Tom Cruise
Stephen wags his finger at Ruth Bader Ginsburg, the Church of Scientology, the National Coalition for the Homeless, and brain damage.
The Colbert ReportS3 Caviar Omelets for the Troops
With $1.2 trillion, Stephen would buy the troops $1,000 caviar omelets for every meal.
The Colbert ReportS3 Intro - 1/30/07
Stephen knows how the money on the Iraq war should have been spent, looks inside our nation's legal system, and asks Donna Shalala how she's using her retirement to destroy America.
The Colbert ReportS3 Donna Shalala
Stephen asks Donna Shalala if cabinet meetings were interrupted to change Clinton's bong water.
The Colbert ReportS3 Sign Off - Microwave Gift to O'Reilly
It was an honor for Stephen to steal a microwave from Bill O'Reilly's green room, but he hasn't been feeling too great about what he did.
The Colbert ReportS3 David Leonhardt
How much should we spend on freedom? Stephen makes David Leonhardt an offer he can't refuse.
The Colbert ReportS3 Judge, Jury & Executioner - Adultery
Stephen declares Scooter Libby innocent, a life sentence for adultery fair, and a Levi's lawsuit baseless.
The Colbert ReportS3 New Military Weapon
The Pentagon introduces a new non-lethal weapon with an invisible beam, but Stephen has come up with his own irresistible security technology.
The Colbert ReportS3 Global Warming
To protest Paris' decrease in power consumption, Stephen has replaced his stage manager, Bobby, with a 5,000 watt heat lamp
The Colbert ReportS3 The Word - Black Sheep
If sheep do it, it must prove that being gay is natural, right? Wrong. It just proves being a sheep is unnatural.
The Colbert ReportS3 Jed Babbin
Stephen asks Jed Babbin what can be done to shut the American people up.
The Colbert ReportS3 Intro - 1/31/07
Stephen looks at gay sheep, and throws down with Gregory Meeks.
The Colbert ReportS3 Better Know a District - New York's 6th - Gregory Meeks
Stephen asks Gregory Meeks if he expects much resistance to the mandatory gay marriage act.
The Colbert ReportS3 On Notice - Jane Fonda Fantasies
Stephen can't put Jane Fonda on notice until he puts his fantasies of Jane Fonda on notice.
The Colbert ReportS3 Chuck Schumer
Chuck Schumer talks to Stephen about his new book, his views on Iraq and Hillary Clinton. Then, Stephen accuses him of promising a bad economy.
The Colbert ReportS3 The Word - We Shall Overcome
The Hispanic Congressional Congress is a perfect example of being colorblind -- they have eleven non-Hispanic members to their five Hispanic members.
The Colbert ReportS3 Cartoon Terrorism
A publicity stunt for Aqua Teen Hunger Force caused a terrorism scare in Boston. What's more, it also ruined several marketing campaigns that Stephen had planned.
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