The Colbert Report
Intro - 7/22/09
Season 5 • 07/22/2009
The pope breaks his wrist -- Dan Brown should start typing.
The Colbert ReportS5 Sign Off - Stephen's Chip
The opinions expressed tonight are exclusively Stephen's -- the chip in his head only makes suggestions.
The Colbert ReportS5 Aaron Carroll
Aaron Carroll believes the single-payer system will cost less, cover everyone and lead to better outcomes.
The Colbert ReportS5 Intro - 7/21/09
Stephen will be the mighty oak when he investigates Acorn, and Aaron Carroll believes America should have a single-payer system.
The Colbert ReportS5 40th Anniversary of the Moon Landing
To celebrate the 40th anniversary of the moon landing, Stephen re-airs his historic broadcast from July 20, 1969.
The Colbert ReportS5 Sniper Trifle
The only huge surprise about Dick Cheney having his own secret assassination squad is that it didn't include cannibalism.
The Colbert ReportS5 Chris Anderson
Chris Anderson explains how it's possible for companies to make money by providing free services.
The Colbert ReportS5 Pope Wrist Watch
The best way to spread wrist awareness is by getting a WristStrong bracelet to Pope Benedict XVI.
The Colbert ReportS5 Sniper Trifle - Matthew Waxman
Matthew Waxman discusses the legal argument over whether to alert Congress about certain covert action programs.
The Colbert ReportS5 The Longest Solar Eclipse of the Century
Xenu returned Asia's sun, but he will devour it again unless India returns America's outsourced jobs and China forgives the national debt.
The Colbert ReportS5 Intro - 7/22/09
The truth behind the CIA's secret assassination squad is revealed, and Chris Anderson talks about a future economy where everything is free.
The Colbert ReportS5 Zev Chafets
Zev Chafets doesn't have a problem with steroid use in baseball, but he is concerned about its cover-up.
The Colbert ReportS5 Sign Off - TiVo
Stephen doesn't want to know how the show ends because he's TiVo'ing it.
The Colbert ReportS5 Health Care Hell-Scare - Die-agnosis: Mur-DR
Stephen invites expert victims from Canada, France and Spain to relay their horrible experiences of socialized medicine.
The Colbert ReportS5 Health Care Reform Is the Matrix
President Obama's health care reform is a dystopian future filled with chaos and floor-length leather trench coats.
The Colbert ReportS5 ThreatDown - Henry Louis Gates Jr., Bill Gates & Wilford Brimley
Henry Louis Gates Jr. commits the perfect crime, Bill Gates tries to control the weather, and Wilford Brimley has too much free time.
The Colbert ReportS5 Intro - 7/27/09
A report on tasers may shock you, and Swedish band Movits! helps Stephen put his Ikea futon together.
The Colbert ReportS5 Movits!
Because the guys from Movits! are from Sweden, they're forced to have the same hair length and glasses.
The Colbert ReportS5 Sarah Palin Will Be Missed
Stephen says goodbye to Sarah Palin in the same way he imagines she writes her own speeches.
The Colbert ReportS5 Nailed 'Em - Library Crime
The local library bans Dominic Philip after spotting a photo of him tooting a kazoo in their summer reading parade.
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