The Colbert Report
Season 5 • 04/08/2009
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Queen Noor's Royal TreatmentThe Colbert ReportS5
To make sure Stephen doesn't violate any royalty protocol, he's going to wear surgical gloves.
The Word - Morally BankruptThe Colbert ReportS5
TV has so little societal value that Bill Gates is willing to pay to provide the most cursory positive messages.
Better Know a District - New York's 25th - Dan MaffeiThe Colbert ReportS5
Congressman Dan Maffei's "evil twin" tells Stephen why he loves cocaine and the company of prostitutes.
Queen NoorThe Colbert ReportS5
Queen Noor will only knight Stephen after he signs the Global Zero declaration.
Intro - 4/7/09The Colbert ReportS5
Are TV networks desperate for revenue? Find out more on an all-new episode of "How I Met Your Pepsi."
Birkat Hachama - Stephen Frees His JewsThe Colbert ReportS5
Birkat Hachama marks the time for Stephen to free his Jews.
Intro - 4/8/09The Colbert ReportS5
An update on Stephen's trip to the Persian Gulf, and Phil Bronstein discusses the death of newspapers.
Phil BronsteinThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen asks Phil Bronstein if the death of newspapers and journalistic oversight will begin a golden age of corruption.
Where and When Is Stephen Going to the Persian Gulf? - BahrainThe Colbert ReportS5
The military asked Stephen to adopt a "don't ask, don't tell" policy for his trip, which is hard because he's Dubai-curious.
Alpha Dog of the Week - Ted StevensThe Colbert ReportS5
Ted Stevens seeks justice for others, as long as those others are him.
Electronic EditionThe Colbert ReportS5
Far too many of you still get the show delivered on paper.
The Enemy Within - HedgehogsThe Colbert ReportS5
Hedgehogs were illegal in Kansas until one obsessed 10-year-old played the cute card.
Stephen's Severed HeadThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen earns 2,634 weeks of workers' comp for severing his head.
Bart EhrmanThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen discusses Bart Ehrman's theory that the Bible contradicts itself.
Workers' Comp TemptationThe Colbert ReportS5
The New York Times' worker's compensation chart for severed limbs continues to tempt Stephen.
ThreatDown - Robert Gates, Dog Seders & ObamaThe Colbert ReportS5
Robert Gates chops our defense budget, dogs get their own Seders, and Obama bows before the Saudi king.
Intro - 4/14/09The Colbert ReportS5
The government tries to regulate small loans, and Susie Orbach wants us to rethink our body image.
Susie OrbachThe Colbert ReportS5
If Susie Orbach drops five pounds, she could be talking about her book "Bodies" on The Daily Show.
Space Module: Colbert - Sunita WilliamsThe Colbert ReportS5
However far the space station goes, Stephen's treadmill will always have gone a few miles more.
The Word - Have Your Cake And Eat It, TooThe Colbert ReportS5
The Payday Loan Reform Act drags the payday loan industry out of the darkness and into the anemic firefly flicker of nominal oversight.
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