The Colbert Report

The Word - Arch Enemies

Season 5 • 08/18/2009

Betty and Veronica must continue to fight each other in a desperate bid to find a man.

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00:03

Sign Off - Goodnight
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen will see you tomorrow.
08/17/2009
04:33

Bill McKibben
The Colbert ReportS5

Bill McKibben urges international leaders to take steps to lower the world's carbon dioxide levels through his 350.org movement.
08/17/2009
00:35

Intro - 8/17/09
The Colbert ReportS5

Reporters get so desperate they'll even work for a newspaper, and Bill McKibben lowers carbon dioxide levels by not exhaling when he talks.
08/17/2009
06:31

The Word - Must-Be TV
The Colbert ReportS5

If pundits want to save America, they have to do what's wrong to prove they're right.
08/17/2009
01:47

Obama Publishes Health Care Op-Ed
The Colbert ReportS5

President Obama publishing an op-ed in the New York Times on health care reform is a textbook sign of surrender.
08/17/2009
06:10

Tip/Wag - German Campaign, Russian Dogs & Flying Rabbis
The Colbert ReportS5

Vera Lengsfeld uses sex to campaign in Germany, Russian dogs take the subway, and flying rabbis ward off swine flu.
08/18/2009
05:11

Robert Wright
The Colbert ReportS5

Robert Wright believes that the three major religions can help God move toward a level of tolerance and compassion.
08/18/2009
01:41

Hamid Karzai Endorsement
The Colbert ReportS5

Hamid Karzai locks up the key human rights abusers demographic with an endorsement from warlord Abdul Rashid Dostum.
08/18/2009
00:34

Intro - 8/18/09
The Colbert ReportS5

The German parliamentary election holds a surprise twist, and Robert Wright discusses religion's evolution.
08/18/2009
00:06

Sign Off -Shofar
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen says goodnight and tries to blow his shofar.
08/18/2009
06:06

The Word - Arch Enemies
The Colbert ReportS5

Without Archie to focus on, Betty will have to do something sad like rediscover her own dreams and devote her life to making the world a better place.
08/18/2009
00:10

Sign Off - Goodnight
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen says goodnight.
08/19/2009
05:03

Colbert Platinum - Urbane Nomads, Gigayacht & Michael Jackson Diamond
The Colbert ReportS5

Urbane Nomads offers lavish hunting expeditions, Everest Gigayacht costs $500 million, and LifeGem makes a diamond from Michael Jackson's hair.
08/19/2009
05:24

Sugar Shortage - Marion Nestle
The Colbert ReportS5

Marion Nestle confirms Stephen's fear that there is a sugar shortage in America, despite the fact that it's baseless.
08/19/2009
03:28

Barney Frank Refuses to Talk to a Dining Room Table
The Colbert ReportS5

Barney Frank has no interest in arguing with a dining room table, but he can't stifle the voice of American furniture on Stephen's watch.
08/19/2009
05:20

Ang Lee
The Colbert ReportS5

Ang Lee captures the hope and optimism of tired, dirty kids in his movie, "Taking Woodstock."
08/19/2009
07:19

P.K. Winsome - Anti-Obama Collectibles
The Colbert ReportS5

P.K. Winsome offers authentic "Barack Obama Is Hitler" mustaches to put on any pro-Obama collectible.
08/20/2009
00:24

Intro - 8/20/09
The Colbert ReportS5

The Earth's population nears 7 billion, and Chris Matthews discusses his documentary, "The Kennedy Brothers."
08/20/2009
04:51

Stephen's Sound Advice - How to Make Babies
The Colbert ReportS5

America needs to get back in the game of overpopulation by instituting a one-child minimum policy and letting teens spread sex misinformation to their peers.
08/20/2009
00:07

Sign Off - Vacation Begins
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen officially starts his three-week vacation now.
08/20/2009
01:32

France Bans Elephants
The Colbert ReportS5

France ruins Stephen's vacation plans by banning elephants from French beaches.
08/20/2009
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