The Colbert Report
Season 5 • 04/06/2009
If life gives you the necessary ingredients, make lemonade.
Cold War Update - Russia, Cuba & SpaceThe Colbert ReportS5
Russia wants a new currency, Congress tries to lift the Cuba embargo, and Russian astronauts can't use American toilets in space.
Cheney's Secret Assassination SquadThe Colbert ReportS5
It's hard to believe Dick Cheney had the time to command a secret lawless assassination squad with all the secret lawless torture.
Let Your GPS Be Your GuideThe Colbert ReportS5
Let your conscience be your guide until you can afford a GPS.
Biz StoneThe Colbert ReportS5
Twitter co-founder Biz Stone, one of America's preeminent Twits, discusses the company's popularity and business model.
Space Module: Colbert - Urine Recycling RoomThe Colbert ReportS5
NASA, don't make Stephen launch an intern into space with a can of spray paint.
Intro - 4/6/09The Colbert ReportS5
Barack Obama travels around Europe, and new developments arise in the NASA node-naming contest.
Obama's European Trip - Tom BrokawThe Colbert ReportS5
Tom Brokaw believes Barack Obama appeared very presidential at the G20 Summit.
Un-American News - Rest of the WorldThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen loves Barack Obama, at least until he returns to the United States.
Body LossThe Colbert ReportS5
Getting paid for missing body parts is too tempting for Americans.
Rich LowryThe Colbert ReportS5
Rich Lowry wants Republican principles to stay the same, but the application to change.
Make LemonadeThe Colbert ReportS5
If life gives you lemons, water, sugar and ice, make lemonade.
Queen Noor's Royal TreatmentThe Colbert ReportS5
To make sure Stephen doesn't violate any royalty protocol, he's going to wear surgical gloves.
The Word - Morally BankruptThe Colbert ReportS5
TV has so little societal value that Bill Gates is willing to pay to provide the most cursory positive messages.
Better Know a District - New York's 25th - Dan MaffeiThe Colbert ReportS5
Congressman Dan Maffei's "evil twin" tells Stephen why he loves cocaine and the company of prostitutes.
Queen NoorThe Colbert ReportS5
Queen Noor will only knight Stephen after he signs the Global Zero declaration.
Intro - 4/7/09The Colbert ReportS5
Are TV networks desperate for revenue? Find out more on an all-new episode of "How I Met Your Pepsi."
Birkat Hachama - Stephen Frees His JewsThe Colbert ReportS5
Birkat Hachama marks the time for Stephen to free his Jews.
Electronic EditionThe Colbert ReportS5
Far too many of you still get the show delivered on paper.
Intro - 4/8/09The Colbert ReportS5
An update on Stephen's trip to the Persian Gulf, and Phil Bronstein discusses the death of newspapers.
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