The Colbert Report
Alpha Dog of the Week - Betty Lichtenstein
Season 5 • 08/11/2009
Betty Lichtenstein's fake nursing career gets a boost when she makes up an award for herself.
Intro - 8/10/09The Colbert ReportS5
Vladimir Putin returns to the spotlight, and Stephen interviews Barbara Boxer with deaf suspicion.
Cold War Update - Cuba & Topless PutinThe Colbert ReportS5
Obama stops a pro-democracy ticker, Cuba runs out of toilet paper, and Vladimir Putin goes topless on his Siberian vacation.
Sign Off - EncoreThe Colbert ReportS5
It can't be the end of the show, so Stephen's going to stick around and see if he does an encore.
Better Know a District - Maine's 1st - Chellie PingreeThe Colbert ReportS5
Chellie Pingree doesn't have to explain why Portland has the nation's third largest concentration of women living together -- it's just hot.
Death PanelsThe Colbert ReportS5
Sarah Palin and Newt Gingrich speak out against death panels even though they don't appear in the health care bill.
Stephen's Driving Tips via Twitter ServiceThe Colbert ReportS5
After Stephen learns how dangerous texting while driving is, he starts his new Driving Tips via Twitter service.
Yes We Afghan - James CarvilleThe Colbert ReportS5
James Carville campaigns for Ashraf Ghani in Afghanistan's upcoming presidential election for the opportunity -- not for the money or opium.
Sign Off - Prevent Forest FiresThe Colbert ReportS5
Only you can prevent forest fires by getting rid of forests.
Intro - 8/11/09The Colbert ReportS5
Afghanistan prepares for Bring Your Rocket Launcher to Work Day, and Jonathan Cohn explains why America's having a health care crisis.
Jonathan CohnThe Colbert ReportS5
According to Jonathan Cohn, the health care crisis forces even middle class Americans, who play by the rules, to choose between bankruptcy and medical care.
Alpha Dog of the Week - Betty LichtensteinThe Colbert ReportS5
Betty Lichtenstein gives herself a fake award at a phony banquet for being the best pretend nurse.
Americans Sacrifice Their iPodsThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen saves the environment by donating his old iPod to an endangered mountain snail.
Intro - 8/12/09The Colbert ReportS5
Americans speak Glenn Beck's mind at town hall meetings, and Mark Johnson spreads peace through music.
Who's Not Honoring Me Now? - Obama, NRA & Teen Choice AwardsThe Colbert ReportS5
Barack Obama awards the Medal of Freedom to Sidney Poitier, the NRA recognizes Sarah Palin for gun collecting, and Joe Jonas steals Stephen's idea at the "Teen Choice Awards."
Formidable Opponent - Health Care & Burger KingThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen denies ever saying Aetna is a bigger threat to America than Osama bin Laden, and Stephen heckles a Burger King commercial.
Mark JohnsonThe Colbert ReportS5
Mark Johnson explores the way music helps us persevere through struggles with his movement, "Playing for Change."
Sign Off - Stephen's Online InformationThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen's online password is always "actionman4" and his MasterCard security code is 786.
Mark DevlinThe Colbert ReportS5
Mark Devlin sends giant weather balloons into space to learn about galaxies that are billions of light years away.
Sheila Jackson-Lee Takes a Phone CallThe Colbert ReportS5
Sheila Jackson-Lee interrupting a cancer survivor to answer her phone looks bad, but it was a very important call.
Glenn-Harried Glenn-LostThe Colbert ReportS5
Glenn Beck didn't call President Obama a racist, and he didn't compare his health care plan to Hitler's eugenics program.
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