The Colbert Report
Is It Time to Care About Soccer? - Alexi Lalas
Season 5 • 06/30/2009
Alexi Lalas lists what's next for the U.S. soccer team after their win against Spain.
Jeff Goldblum Will Be MissedThe Colbert ReportS5
Jeff Goldblum interrupts Stephen's report on the death of Jeff Goldblum.
Michael Jackson's Media AttentionThe Colbert ReportS5
With the media focused on Michael Jackson's death, Stephen can commit unspeakable acts of depravity without anyone noticing.
The Word - NoncensusThe Colbert ReportS5
If Americans stop counting, it will end longstanding problems like the census, the deficit and birthdays.
Neil deGrasse TysonThe Colbert ReportS5
Neil deGrasse Tyson tries to make science accessible to whomever wants to reach out and touch it.
Sign Off - Farewell, David SouterThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen hopes Justice David Souter enjoys his retirement with Norm Coleman.
Intro - 6/30/09The Colbert ReportS5
Stephen questions whether America should embrace soccer, and Kevin Mattson thinks Jimmy Carter was underappreciated.
Is It Time To Care About Soccer?The Colbert ReportS5
Normally, Stephen wouldn't think twice about soccer, but that was before the U.S. was good at it.
4th of July Under AttackThe Colbert ReportS5
An environmental activist sues Seattle to suspend their 4th of July fireworks display in pristine Gas Works Park.
Al Franken Finally Declared SenatorThe Colbert ReportS5
The Minnesota Supreme Court rushes to declare Al Franken the Senate race winner after barely seven months of deliberation.
Kevin MattsonThe Colbert ReportS5
Kevin Mattson discusses the relevance of Jimmy Carter's underappreciated "national malaise" speech.
Is It Time to Care About Soccer? - Alexi LalasThe Colbert ReportS5
Alexi Lalas believes the U.S. soccer team definitely has a shot at winning the World Cup.
Nicholas KristofThe Colbert ReportS5
Nicholas Kristof describes the endocrine disruptors in the water that are causing genital malformations in male animals and humans.
Sign Off - Get Your Illegal FireworksThe Colbert ReportS5
Don't forget, there are only three more illegal fireworks shopping days until the 4th of July.
Intro - 7/1/09The Colbert ReportS5
The Supreme Court takes its recess, and Nicholas Kristof discusses "It's Time to Learn From Frogs" after crossing five lanes of busy traffic.
Tip/Wag - Cynthia Davis & Fox NewsThe Colbert ReportS5
Representative Cynthia Davis opposes subsidized lunches for low-income children, and Fox News incorrectly identifies Mark Sanford as a Democrat.
The Second Coming of Ronald ReaganThe Colbert ReportS5
Soon, Reagan will ride into town on the back of his mighty steed, Bonzo, and the Potomac will run red with the blood of bureaucrats.
Judge, Jury & Executioner - Firefighters, Gold Waste & Strip SearchThe Colbert ReportS5
The Supreme Court releases its decisions on firefighters' tests, goldmine waste and school strip searches.
The Clinton CurseThe Colbert ReportS5
Mark Sanford joins other victims of the Clinton curse like Bob Livingston, Larry Craig and Newt Gingrich.
Ed ViestursThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen punches Ed Viesturs' Frequent Everest Card after his seventh climb to the summit of Mount Everest.
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