The Colbert Report
Season 5 • 10/29/2009
Bill Simmons says baseball is the national pastime for people over 50.
The Word - You-GenicsThe Colbert ReportS5
Your baby will never be denied health coverage for being too fat or too skinny if you mate with an insurance company CEO.
Joe Lieberman Is a True IndependentThe Colbert ReportS5
Joe Lieberman proves he's independent of his Connecticut constituents by opposing a public option in health care reform.
Sign Off - Future StephenThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen will stick a fork into a toaster unless his future self comes back to stop him.
Brian CoxThe Colbert ReportS5
Physicist Brian Cox, one of People Magazine's Sexiest Men Alive, discusses relativity and scientific bollocks.
Big Bang TheoryThe Colbert ReportS5
Physicists theorize that the Large Hadron Collider is being sabotaged from the future.
USA Today Slams DirigiblesThe Colbert ReportS5
The USA Today smears the dirigible industry based on the technicality that the ships explode.
Sign Off - Thanks to Bill Simmons & Rosanne CashThe Colbert ReportS5
Put Rosanne Cash's new album on your list and drop some cash on it.
Intro - 10/29/09The Colbert ReportS5
Gitmo prisoners may have been tortured with rock music, and Bill Simmons talks about his 700-page book on basketball.
We Got the Beating - Rosanne CashThe Colbert ReportS5
Rosanne Cash explains why she doesn't want her music used to torture Gitmo detainees.
ThreatDown - Halloween EditionThe Colbert ReportS5
Halloween masks spread the H1N1 virus, candy sends kids toward a life of crime, and dogs wear matching sexy costumes.
Bill SimmonsThe Colbert ReportS5
Bill Simmons believes Wilt Chamberlain was gay and compares Kobe Bryant to Teen Wolf.
Intro - 11/2/09The Colbert ReportS5
Nicholas Thompson isn't going to show his face anytime soon after getting nailed by Stephen.
Alpha Dog of the Week - Arnold SchwarzeneggerThe Colbert ReportS5
Arnold Schwarzenegger comes up with the dirtiest hidden word puzzle since they discontinued the kid's menu at Hooters.
Used KarzaiThe Colbert ReportS5
Hamid Karzai is declared the winner of the Afghan election after Abdullah Abdullah withdraws from the race.
Nicholas ThompsonThe Colbert ReportS5
Nicholas Thompson describes the lives of two friends -- Paul Nitze and George Kennan -- battling over the U.S. approach to the Cold War.
Sport Report - NYC Marathon & Olympic SpeedskatingThe Colbert ReportS5
An American finally wins the New York City marathon, and the Colbert Nation becomes the official sponsor of the U.S. Speedskating team.
Sign Off - Donate to the U.S. Speedskating TeamThe Colbert ReportS5
Make sure that it's America's 38-inch thighs on the Olympics medal platform by donating to the U.S. speedskating team.
Canadian Hackers Sabotage Colbert NationThe Colbert ReportS5
Despite Canadian hackers taking down the donations link, you heroes have already raised $40,000 for the U.S. Speedskating team.
Sign Off - They Call Me Mister FryThe Colbert ReportS5
If you are going to be in New York, check out "They Call Me Mister Fry" at the Comic Strip Live.
Andrew SullivanThe Colbert ReportS5
Andrew Sullivan details Barack Obama's achievements in improved international relations, health care reform and bipartisanship.
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