The Colbert Report

Bill Simmons

Season 5 • 10/29/2009

Bill Simmons says baseball is the national pastime for people over 50.

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05:48

The Colbert ReportS5
The Word - You-Genics

Your baby will never be denied health coverage for being too fat or too skinny if you mate with an insurance company CEO.
10/28/2009
01:31

The Colbert ReportS5
Joe Lieberman Is a True Independent

Joe Lieberman proves he's independent of his Connecticut constituents by opposing a public option in health care reform.
10/28/2009
01:44

The Colbert ReportS5
Sign Off - Future Stephen

Stephen will stick a fork into a toaster unless his future self comes back to stop him.
10/28/2009
06:05

The Colbert ReportS5
Brian Cox

Physicist Brian Cox, one of People Magazine's Sexiest Men Alive, discusses relativity and scientific bollocks.
10/28/2009
04:12

The Colbert ReportS5
Big Bang Theory

Physicists theorize that the Large Hadron Collider is being sabotaged from the future.
10/28/2009
01:52

The Colbert ReportS5
USA Today Slams Dirigibles

The USA Today smears the dirigible industry based on the technicality that the ships explode.
10/29/2009
00:14

The Colbert ReportS5
Sign Off - Thanks to Bill Simmons & Rosanne Cash

Put Rosanne Cash's new album on your list and drop some cash on it.
10/29/2009
00:30

The Colbert ReportS5
Intro - 10/29/09

Gitmo prisoners may have been tortured with rock music, and Bill Simmons talks about his 700-page book on basketball.
10/29/2009
06:37

The Colbert ReportS5
We Got the Beating - Rosanne Cash

Rosanne Cash explains why she doesn't want her music used to torture Gitmo detainees.
10/29/2009
05:12

The Colbert ReportS5
ThreatDown - Halloween Edition

Halloween masks spread the H1N1 virus, candy sends kids toward a life of crime, and dogs wear matching sexy costumes.
10/29/2009
05:13

The Colbert ReportS5
Bill Simmons

Bill Simmons believes Wilt Chamberlain was gay and compares Kobe Bryant to Teen Wolf.
10/29/2009
00:23

The Colbert ReportS5
Intro - 11/2/09

Nicholas Thompson isn't going to show his face anytime soon after getting nailed by Stephen.
11/02/2009
03:20

The Colbert ReportS5
Alpha Dog of the Week - Arnold Schwarzenegger

Arnold Schwarzenegger comes up with the dirtiest hidden word puzzle since they discontinued the kid's menu at Hooters.
11/02/2009
01:43

The Colbert ReportS5
Used Karzai

Hamid Karzai is declared the winner of the Afghan election after Abdullah Abdullah withdraws from the race.
11/02/2009
05:32

The Colbert ReportS5
Nicholas Thompson

Nicholas Thompson describes the lives of two friends -- Paul Nitze and George Kennan -- battling over the U.S. approach to the Cold War.
11/02/2009
07:34

The Colbert ReportS5
Sport Report - NYC Marathon & Olympic Speedskating

An American finally wins the New York City marathon, and the Colbert Nation becomes the official sponsor of the U.S. Speedskating team.
11/02/2009
00:21

The Colbert ReportS5
Sign Off - Donate to the U.S. Speedskating Team

Make sure that it's America's 38-inch thighs on the Olympics medal platform by donating to the U.S. speedskating team.
11/02/2009
02:00

The Colbert ReportS5
Canadian Hackers Sabotage Colbert Nation

Despite Canadian hackers taking down the donations link, you heroes have already raised $40,000 for the U.S. Speedskating team.
11/03/2009
00:18

The Colbert ReportS5
Sign Off - They Call Me Mister Fry

If you are going to be in New York, check out "They Call Me Mister Fry" at the Comic Strip Live.
11/03/2009
07:20

The Colbert ReportS5
Andrew Sullivan

Andrew Sullivan details Barack Obama's achievements in improved international relations, health care reform and bipartisanship.
11/03/2009
05:38

The Colbert ReportS5
Nailed 'Em - Mormon Church Trespassing

The Mormon Church arrested Derek Jones and Matt Aune for criminal trespassing, not for being gay.
11/03/2009
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