The Colbert Report
Season 5 • 10/29/2009
Bill Simmons says baseball is the national pastime for people over 50.
The Colbert ReportS5 The Word - You-Genics
Your baby will never be denied health coverage for being too fat or too skinny if you mate with an insurance company CEO.
The Colbert ReportS5 Joe Lieberman Is a True Independent
Joe Lieberman proves he's independent of his Connecticut constituents by opposing a public option in health care reform.
The Colbert ReportS5 Sign Off - Future Stephen
Stephen will stick a fork into a toaster unless his future self comes back to stop him.
The Colbert ReportS5 Brian Cox
Physicist Brian Cox, one of People Magazine's Sexiest Men Alive, discusses relativity and scientific bollocks.
The Colbert ReportS5 Big Bang Theory
Physicists theorize that the Large Hadron Collider is being sabotaged from the future.
The Colbert ReportS5 USA Today Slams Dirigibles
The USA Today smears the dirigible industry based on the technicality that the ships explode.
The Colbert ReportS5 Sign Off - Thanks to Bill Simmons & Rosanne Cash
Put Rosanne Cash's new album on your list and drop some cash on it.
The Colbert ReportS5 Intro - 10/29/09
Gitmo prisoners may have been tortured with rock music, and Bill Simmons talks about his 700-page book on basketball.
The Colbert ReportS5 We Got the Beating - Rosanne Cash
Rosanne Cash explains why she doesn't want her music used to torture Gitmo detainees.
The Colbert ReportS5 ThreatDown - Halloween Edition
Halloween masks spread the H1N1 virus, candy sends kids toward a life of crime, and dogs wear matching sexy costumes.
The Colbert ReportS5 Bill Simmons
Bill Simmons believes Wilt Chamberlain was gay and compares Kobe Bryant to Teen Wolf.
The Colbert ReportS5 Intro - 11/2/09
Nicholas Thompson isn't going to show his face anytime soon after getting nailed by Stephen.
The Colbert ReportS5 Alpha Dog of the Week - Arnold Schwarzenegger
Arnold Schwarzenegger comes up with the dirtiest hidden word puzzle since they discontinued the kid's menu at Hooters.
The Colbert ReportS5 Used Karzai
Hamid Karzai is declared the winner of the Afghan election after Abdullah Abdullah withdraws from the race.
The Colbert ReportS5 Nicholas Thompson
Nicholas Thompson describes the lives of two friends -- Paul Nitze and George Kennan -- battling over the U.S. approach to the Cold War.
The Colbert ReportS5 Sport Report - NYC Marathon & Olympic Speedskating
An American finally wins the New York City marathon, and the Colbert Nation becomes the official sponsor of the U.S. Speedskating team.
The Colbert ReportS5 Sign Off - Donate to the U.S. Speedskating Team
Make sure that it's America's 38-inch thighs on the Olympics medal platform by donating to the U.S. speedskating team.
The Colbert ReportS5 Canadian Hackers Sabotage Colbert Nation
Despite Canadian hackers taking down the donations link, you heroes have already raised $40,000 for the U.S. Speedskating team.
The Colbert ReportS5 Sign Off - They Call Me Mister Fry
If you are going to be in New York, check out "They Call Me Mister Fry" at the Comic Strip Live.
The Colbert ReportS5 Andrew Sullivan
Andrew Sullivan details Barack Obama's achievements in improved international relations, health care reform and bipartisanship.
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