The Colbert Report

Bill Simmons

Season 5 • 10/29/2009

Bill Simmons says baseball is the national pastime for people over 50.

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05:48

The Word - You-Genics
The Colbert ReportS5

Your baby will never be denied health coverage for being too fat or too skinny if you mate with an insurance company CEO.
10/28/2009
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01:31

Joe Lieberman Is a True Independent
The Colbert ReportS5

Joe Lieberman proves he's independent of his Connecticut constituents by opposing a public option in health care reform.
10/28/2009
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01:44

Sign Off - Future Stephen
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen will stick a fork into a toaster unless his future self comes back to stop him.
10/28/2009
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06:05

Brian Cox
The Colbert ReportS5

Physicist Brian Cox, one of People Magazine's Sexiest Men Alive, discusses relativity and scientific bollocks.
10/28/2009
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04:12

Big Bang Theory
The Colbert ReportS5

Physicists theorize that the Large Hadron Collider is being sabotaged from the future.
10/28/2009
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01:52

USA Today Slams Dirigibles
The Colbert ReportS5

The USA Today smears the dirigible industry based on the technicality that the ships explode.
10/29/2009
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00:14

Sign Off - Thanks to Bill Simmons & Rosanne Cash
The Colbert ReportS5

Put Rosanne Cash's new album on your list and drop some cash on it.
10/29/2009
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00:30

Intro - 10/29/09
The Colbert ReportS5

Gitmo prisoners may have been tortured with rock music, and Bill Simmons talks about his 700-page book on basketball.
10/29/2009
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06:37

We Got the Beating - Rosanne Cash
The Colbert ReportS5

Rosanne Cash explains why she doesn't want her music used to torture Gitmo detainees.
10/29/2009
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05:12

ThreatDown - Halloween Edition
The Colbert ReportS5

Halloween masks spread the H1N1 virus, candy sends kids toward a life of crime, and dogs wear matching sexy costumes.
10/29/2009
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05:13

Bill Simmons
The Colbert ReportS5

Bill Simmons believes Wilt Chamberlain was gay and compares Kobe Bryant to Teen Wolf.
10/29/2009
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00:23

Intro - 11/2/09
The Colbert ReportS5

Nicholas Thompson isn't going to show his face anytime soon after getting nailed by Stephen.
11/02/2009
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03:20

Alpha Dog of the Week - Arnold Schwarzenegger
The Colbert ReportS5

Arnold Schwarzenegger comes up with the dirtiest hidden word puzzle since they discontinued the kid's menu at Hooters.
11/02/2009
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01:43

Used Karzai
The Colbert ReportS5

Hamid Karzai is declared the winner of the Afghan election after Abdullah Abdullah withdraws from the race.
11/02/2009
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05:32

Nicholas Thompson
The Colbert ReportS5

Nicholas Thompson describes the lives of two friends -- Paul Nitze and George Kennan -- battling over the U.S. approach to the Cold War.
11/02/2009
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07:34

Sport Report - NYC Marathon & Olympic Speedskating
The Colbert ReportS5

An American finally wins the New York City marathon, and the Colbert Nation becomes the official sponsor of the U.S. Speedskating team.
11/02/2009
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00:21

Sign Off - Donate to the U.S. Speedskating Team
The Colbert ReportS5

Make sure that it's America's 38-inch thighs on the Olympics medal platform by donating to the U.S. speedskating team.
11/02/2009
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02:00

Canadian Hackers Sabotage Colbert Nation
The Colbert ReportS5

Despite Canadian hackers taking down the donations link, you heroes have already raised $40,000 for the U.S. Speedskating team.
11/03/2009
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00:18

Sign Off - They Call Me Mister Fry
The Colbert ReportS5

If you are going to be in New York, check out "They Call Me Mister Fry" at the Comic Strip Live.
11/03/2009
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07:20

Andrew Sullivan
The Colbert ReportS5

Andrew Sullivan details Barack Obama's achievements in improved international relations, health care reform and bipartisanship.
11/03/2009
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05:38

Nailed 'Em - Mormon Church Trespassing
The Colbert ReportS5

The Mormon Church arrested Derek Jones and Matt Aune for criminal trespassing, not for being gay.
11/03/2009
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