The Colbert Report

The Metric System

Season 3 • 09/24/2007

The metric system is two cubic meters of b.s. in a one cubic meter bag.

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00:33

Intro - 9/20/07
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Tonight, Stephen investigates a U.S. contractor getting kicked out of Iraq, reports on Russian population initiatives and interviews legal analyst Jeffrey Toobin.
09/20/2007
05:28

ThreatDown - Us
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Tonight's threats are salad, Slavic intercourse, el Chupacabra, the Bingham Company and us.
09/20/2007
01:09

Blistering Rebuttal
The Colbert ReportS3

How are you supposed to protest an abuse of authority when an authority figure told you not to?
09/20/2007
01:22

Craziest F#?king Thing I've Ever Heard - Mayo Kitchen
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The hottest new restaurant in Tokyo is the Mayonnaise Kitchen, where you can get mayo on everything.
09/20/2007
01:50

Rabbi Fish
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Tomorrow is the last chance for the children of Israel to own up to whatever it is they've done to Stephen.
09/20/2007
02:35

Alpha Dog of the Week - Honniball
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Percy Honniball is man enough to use the tool belt God gave him.
09/24/2007
00:34

Intro - 9/24/07
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Iran's president speaks at an Ivy League university, Congress censures MoveOn.org and Stephen nails Thomas Friedman.
09/24/2007
06:39

Thomas L. Friedman
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Stephen asks Thomas Friedman what it feels like to be a guy who's passionate about UPS.
09/24/2007
05:26

The Word - Na Na-Na Na Na Na
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We owe a debt of gratitude to the Senate for reminding us that words can hurt.
09/24/2007
02:46

Sign Off - Stephen Accepts Your Apologies
The Colbert ReportS3

This year 1-888-OOPS-JEW shared the line with 1-888-MOPS-KEY, a consumer help line for finding the best prices on janitorial equipment.
09/24/2007
02:31

The Metric System
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen's been railing against the metric system since he was a midday anchor in 1987.
09/24/2007
00:34

Intro - 9/25/07
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen sits down with author John Grisham and learns that half of the world's languages are going extinct.
09/25/2007
01:33

No Nuclear Iran
The Colbert ReportS3

The New York Times issues a mea culpa for giving MoveOn.org the "blame America" discount.
09/25/2007
05:37

K. David Harrison
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen asks K. David Harrison, author of "When Languages Die," if he's translating his book into any dying languages.
09/25/2007
03:27

Tip/Wag - Muslim Hipsters
The Colbert ReportS3

Thank you, Muslim hipsters -- by wearing ironic T-shirts, you make the TSA's job that much easier.
09/25/2007
05:41

John Grisham
The Colbert ReportS3

John Grisham is taking a break from writing about lawyers. Now he's writing about pizzas.
09/25/2007
03:11

Indecision 2008: Don't F%#k This Up America - Giuliani
The Colbert ReportS3

Dustin Hoffman and Rudy Giuliani have been at each other ever since Hoffman beat out the former mayor for the lead in "Tootsie."
09/25/2007
00:32

Intro - 9/26/07
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Tonight, Stephen reports on NBC and iTunes, questions the validity of a third political party, and interviews Tony Bennett.
09/26/2007
01:07

Forgiving Bennett
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Stephen couldn't stay mad at Tony Bennett after listening to his Emmy acceptance speech.
09/26/2007
03:47

The Word - A Word From Our Sponsors
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With the new NBC Direct, you can't fast forward through the commercials -- you're that in control.
09/26/2007
02:27

Canadian Dollar
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Economists are saying that our first president, George Washington, is no better than Canada's first president, a duck.
09/26/2007
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