The Colbert Report

Sign Off - TiVo

Season 5 • 07/23/2009

Don't tell Stephen how the show ends, he's TiVo'ing it.

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00:35

The Colbert ReportS5
Intro - 7/22/09

The truth behind the CIA's secret assassination squad is revealed, and Chris Anderson talks about a future economy where everything is free.
07/22/2009
06:03

The Colbert ReportS5
Chris Anderson

Chris Anderson explains how it's possible for companies to make money by providing free services.
07/22/2009
04:17

The Colbert ReportS5
Pope Wrist Watch

The best way to spread wrist awareness is by getting a WristStrong bracelet to Pope Benedict XVI.
07/22/2009
03:11

The Colbert ReportS5
Sniper Trifle - Matthew Waxman

Matthew Waxman discusses the legal argument over whether to alert Congress about certain covert action programs.
07/22/2009
02:40

The Colbert ReportS5
The Longest Solar Eclipse of the Century

Xenu returned Asia's sun, but he will devour it again unless India returns America's outsourced jobs and China forgives the national debt.
07/22/2009
00:05

The Colbert ReportS5
Sign Off - Goodnight

That's it for The Report, everybody.
07/22/2009
04:51

The Colbert ReportS5
Zev Chafets

Zev Chafets doesn't have a problem with steroid use in baseball, but he is concerned about its cover-up.
07/23/2009
05:45

The Colbert ReportS5
Health Care Hell-Scare - Die-agnosis: Mur-DR

Stephen invites expert victims from Canada, France and Spain to relay their horrible experiences of socialized medicine.
07/23/2009
03:04

The Colbert ReportS5
Health Care Reform Is the Matrix

President Obama's health care reform is a dystopian future filled with chaos and floor-length leather trench coats.
07/23/2009
05:59

The Colbert ReportS5
ThreatDown - Henry Louis Gates Jr., Bill Gates & Wilford Brimley

Henry Louis Gates Jr. commits the perfect crime, Bill Gates tries to control the weather, and Wilford Brimley has too much free time.
07/23/2009
00:12

The Colbert ReportS5
Sign Off - TiVo

Stephen doesn't want to know how the show ends because he's TiVo'ing it.
07/23/2009
00:37

The Colbert ReportS5
Intro - 7/27/09

A report on tasers may shock you, and Swedish band Movits! helps Stephen put his Ikea futon together.
07/27/2009
03:37

The Colbert ReportS5
Movits!

Because the guys from Movits! are from Sweden, they're forced to have the same hair length and glasses.
07/27/2009
02:50

The Colbert ReportS5
Sarah Palin Will Be Missed

Stephen says goodbye to Sarah Palin in the same way he imagines she writes her own speeches.
07/27/2009
04:14

The Colbert ReportS5
Nailed 'Em - Library Crime

The local library bans Dominic Philip after spotting a photo of him tooting a kazoo in their summer reading parade.
07/27/2009
04:57

The Colbert ReportS5
Womb Raiders - Orly Taitz

Stephen thanks Orly Taitz for being one of the few people willing to compare the Obama administration to Nazi Germany.
07/28/2009
05:45

The Colbert ReportS5
Arianna Huffington

Arianna Huffington was born in the United States, but she cultivated an accent to give herself an air of being an ethnic minority.
07/28/2009
02:11

The Colbert ReportS5
President Obama's Teachable Moment

Obama's teaching: if you arrest a black man under questionable circumstances, you get to have a beer with the president.
07/28/2009
00:20

The Colbert ReportS5
Sign Off - Devil's Tricks

One of the greatest tricks the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist.
07/28/2009
06:18

The Colbert ReportS5
Womb Raiders - The Fight for the Truth Behind Obama's Birth

Stephen wants to hear from one of the sperm that witnessed President Obama's conception in order to verify his birthplace.
07/28/2009
00:31

The Colbert ReportS5
Intro - 7/29/09

Lance Armstrong comes in third in the Tour de France, and Kevin Baker says Obama is the new Hoover.
07/29/2009
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