The Colbert Report

Sign Off - TiVo

Season 5 • 07/23/2009

Don't tell Stephen how the show ends, he's TiVo'ing it.

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00:35

Intro - 7/22/09
The Colbert ReportS5

The truth behind the CIA's secret assassination squad is revealed, and Chris Anderson talks about a future economy where everything is free.
07/22/2009
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06:03

Chris Anderson
The Colbert ReportS5

Chris Anderson explains how it's possible for companies to make money by providing free services.
07/22/2009
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04:17

Pope Wrist Watch
The Colbert ReportS5

The best way to spread wrist awareness is by getting a WristStrong bracelet to Pope Benedict XVI.
07/22/2009
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03:11

Sniper Trifle - Matthew Waxman
The Colbert ReportS5

Matthew Waxman discusses the legal argument over whether to alert Congress about certain covert action programs.
07/22/2009
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02:40

The Longest Solar Eclipse of the Century
The Colbert ReportS5

Xenu returned Asia's sun, but he will devour it again unless India returns America's outsourced jobs and China forgives the national debt.
07/22/2009
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00:05

Sign Off - Goodnight
The Colbert ReportS5

That's it for The Report, everybody.
07/22/2009
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04:51

Zev Chafets
The Colbert ReportS5

Zev Chafets doesn't have a problem with steroid use in baseball, but he is concerned about its cover-up.
07/23/2009
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05:45

Health Care Hell-Scare - Die-agnosis: Mur-DR
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen invites expert victims from Canada, France and Spain to relay their horrible experiences of socialized medicine.
07/23/2009
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03:04

Health Care Reform Is the Matrix
The Colbert ReportS5

President Obama's health care reform is a dystopian future filled with chaos and floor-length leather trench coats.
07/23/2009
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05:59

ThreatDown - Henry Louis Gates Jr., Bill Gates & Wilford Brimley
The Colbert ReportS5

Henry Louis Gates Jr. commits the perfect crime, Bill Gates tries to control the weather, and Wilford Brimley has too much free time.
07/23/2009
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00:12

Sign Off - TiVo
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen doesn't want to know how the show ends because he's TiVo'ing it.
07/23/2009
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00:37

Intro - 7/27/09
The Colbert ReportS5

A report on tasers may shock you, and Swedish band Movits! helps Stephen put his Ikea futon together.
07/27/2009
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03:37

Movits!
The Colbert ReportS5

Because the guys from Movits! are from Sweden, they're forced to have the same hair length and glasses.
07/27/2009
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02:50

Sarah Palin Will Be Missed
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen says goodbye to Sarah Palin in the same way he imagines she writes her own speeches.
07/27/2009
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04:14

Nailed 'Em - Library Crime
The Colbert ReportS5

The local library bans Dominic Philip after spotting a photo of him tooting a kazoo in their summer reading parade.
07/27/2009
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04:57

Womb Raiders - Orly Taitz
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen thanks Orly Taitz for being one of the few people willing to compare the Obama administration to Nazi Germany.
07/28/2009
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05:45

Arianna Huffington
The Colbert ReportS5

Arianna Huffington was born in the United States, but she cultivated an accent to give herself an air of being an ethnic minority.
07/28/2009
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02:11

President Obama's Teachable Moment
The Colbert ReportS5

Obama's teaching: if you arrest a black man under questionable circumstances, you get to have a beer with the president.
07/28/2009
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00:20

Sign Off - Devil's Tricks
The Colbert ReportS5

One of the greatest tricks the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist.
07/28/2009
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06:18

Womb Raiders - The Fight for the Truth Behind Obama's Birth
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen wants to hear from one of the sperm that witnessed President Obama's conception in order to verify his birthplace.
07/28/2009
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00:31

Intro - 7/29/09
The Colbert ReportS5

Lance Armstrong comes in third in the Tour de France, and Kevin Baker says Obama is the new Hoover.
07/29/2009
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