The Colbert Report

Intro - 4/22/09

Season 5 • 04/22/2009

Why wasn't Stephen at the Summit of the Americas? He is Americas.

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Watching

03:12

The Colbert ReportS5
George Will's Demon Denim

George Will launches a righteous attack against Satan's denim leg tubes.
04/21/2009
03:44

The Colbert ReportS5
Who's Riding My Coattails Now? - Blown Away by the USA

Act now and receive Stephen's patriotic CD collection: "Blown Away by the USA," "Stunned by the States" and "Flabbergasted by the Flag."
04/21/2009
00:29

The Colbert ReportS5
Intro - 4/21/09

President Obama releases CIA torture memos. It's like the greatest hits of our greatest hits.
04/21/2009
05:22

The Colbert ReportS5
Mike Krzyzewski

Mike Krzyzewski differentiates between teamwork and socialism.
04/21/2009
00:17

The Colbert ReportS5
Special DVD Commentary

Stephen offers special DVD commentary for those who recorded tonight's show and burned it onto a DVD.
04/21/2009
06:00

The Colbert ReportS5
Ira Glass

Stephen wants to know if Ira Glass will be just as lifeless hosting a live cinema performance as he is on the radio.
04/22/2009
02:03

The Colbert ReportS5
"The Price Is Right" Goes Green

Stephen bids less than a dollar on environmentally friendly prizes.
04/22/2009
05:33

The Colbert ReportS5
Summit of All Fears

Esteban Colberto believes Barack Obama has bigger plantains to fry than the Summit of the Americas.
04/22/2009
05:32

The Colbert ReportS5
Where and When Is Stephen Going to the Persian Gulf? - Qatar

Alcohol and pornography aren't allowed in Qatar, but they didn't say anything about O'Doul's and the Talbots catalogue.
04/22/2009
00:12

The Colbert ReportS5
Never Go to Bed Angry

Don't go to bed angry. Stephen will do that for you.
04/22/2009
00:35

The Colbert ReportS5
Intro - 4/22/09

President Obama returns from the Summit of the Americas, and Stephen looks forward to making fun of Ira Glass' glasses.
04/22/2009
00:10

The Colbert ReportS5
Goodnight, Daisy

Stephen bids goodnight to Daisy the Cow.
04/23/2009
05:14

The Colbert ReportS5
The Word - Brunt Double

Until we can all agree on whom we should be angry at, tearing each other apart is the best plan we've got.
04/23/2009
00:39

The Colbert ReportS5
Intro - 4/23/09

Who is to blame for the economic crisis? If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, the ducks probably did it.
04/23/2009
03:27

The Colbert ReportS5
Illegitimate Grandson of an Alligator

Have you heard the rumor that Bill Posey's grandmother had her alligator baby out of wedlock?
04/23/2009
05:47

The Colbert ReportS5
Elizabeth Bintliff

Elizabeth Bintliff brings along Daisy the Cow to promote Heifer International, an organization that delivers livestock to developing countries.
04/23/2009
04:26

The Colbert ReportS5
America Does Not Swear On Camera

Shepard Smith swearing on camera isn't something one gets away with like torture.
04/23/2009
02:04

The Colbert ReportS5
Days of Swine and Doses

The swine flu virus contains a little something from pig, bird and human -- just like Stephen's paella recipe.
04/27/2009
06:58

The Colbert ReportS5
Shout Out - Kids Edition

Stephen promises never to eat Ewok, provides some child-safe Nazi footage and raises the competition on donorschoose.org.
04/27/2009
03:36

The Colbert ReportS5
The Decemberists

Colin Meloy describes The Decemberists' latest album by listing influences Stephen's never heard of.
04/27/2009
01:43

The Colbert ReportS5
Craziest F#?king Thing I've Ever Heard - Fir Tree Lung

Christmas trees are supposed to warm the cockles of our hearts, not infest the alveoli of our lungs.
04/27/2009
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