The Colbert Report
God's Pet Chimp
Season 3 • 04/19/2007
Man was created in God's image; chimps were created in God's chimp's image.
Milk & HormonesThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen shares an educational video about Recombinant Bovine Growth Hormone, aka "Jesus Milk."
National Library Week - Sebastian JungerThe Colbert ReportS3
Author Sebastian Junger celebrates National Library Week by asking us to buy his books.
National Library Week - David RemnickThe Colbert ReportS3
David Remnick suggests that if you subscribe to the New Yorker but want even more unread material, visit your local library.
National Library Week - Frank McCourtThe Colbert ReportS3
English teacher Frank McCourt stresses the importance of books, but if he were a shop teacher he would be stressing the importance of plywood.
Paulina PorizkovaThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen can verify Paulina Porizkova as a supermodel because he is an arbiter of American taste.
Intro - 4/19/07The Colbert ReportS3
John Edwards spends $400 on a haircut, and Sean Penn faces off against Stephen in an epic battle of the metaphors.
Sean PennThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen asks Sean Penn if he snuck weapons of mass destruction out of Iraq in a bulky raincoat to embarrass the president.
Hyperbole-OffThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen may have lost the Meta-Free-Phor-All to Sean Penn, but he will not lose his upcoming Hyperbole-Off to George Clooney.
Meta-Free-Phor-All: Shall I Nail Thee to a Summer's Day?The Colbert ReportS3
Stephen has a metaphor for Sean Penn: Sean Penn is a big mean jerk, and Stephen hates him.
The Word - $400 HaircutThe Colbert ReportS3
Sure, John Edwards grew up poor, but if he really cared about the poor, he would have stayed poor.
God's Pet ChimpThe Colbert ReportS3
Human DNA has stopped evolving because God got us right the first time when he intelligently designed us.
Stephanie's Winning!The Colbert ReportS3
Stephen's adopted turtle, Stephanie Colbertle, is leading the Great Turtle Race, while two other lady turtles hang back at the nesting grounds, listening to Melissa Etheridge.
Gonzales ForgotThe Colbert ReportS3
Alberto Gonzales said 71 times that he couldn't remember details on the U.S. attorney firings, but he only remembers saying it once.
ThreatDown - MySpaceThe Colbert ReportS3
It's bad enough that MySpace exposes our teens to child predators, now they're corrupting our youth with journalism.
Intro - 4/23/07The Colbert ReportS3
Conservatives want a fresh new face, Sheryl Crow confronts Karl Rove and Def Jam's Russell Simmons sits down with Stephen.
Mike Huckabee - Running Mate BidThe Colbert ReportS3
Mike Huckabee and Stephen talk about plastic fruit and rowing in paddleboats in Central Park.
Colbert Nation Online Discussion GroupThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen speaks to those interested in joining a Colbert Nation discussion group.
Russell SimmonsThe Colbert ReportS3
Russell Simmons talks about Oprah, diamonds and the secret to success.
D.C. Voting Rights - Eleanor Holmes NortonThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen tells Eleanor Holmes Norton that this is the United States of America, not the United Districts of Columbia of America.
The Word - Act GloballyThe Colbert ReportS3
According to the head of the EPA, George W. Bush is making major progress -- there is a 4/10ths of one percent reduction in the increase of greenhouse gasses.
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