The Colbert Report

God's Pet Chimp

Season 3 • 04/19/2007

Man was created in God's image; chimps were created in God's chimp's image.

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04:38

Milk & Hormones
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen shares an educational video about Recombinant Bovine Growth Hormone, aka "Jesus Milk."
04/18/2007
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00:21

National Library Week - Sebastian Junger
The Colbert ReportS3

Author Sebastian Junger celebrates National Library Week by asking us to buy his books.
04/18/2007
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00:17

National Library Week - David Remnick
The Colbert ReportS3

David Remnick suggests that if you subscribe to the New Yorker but want even more unread material, visit your local library.
04/18/2007
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00:47

National Library Week - Frank McCourt
The Colbert ReportS3

English teacher Frank McCourt stresses the importance of books, but if he were a shop teacher he would be stressing the importance of plywood.
04/18/2007
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05:50

Paulina Porizkova
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen can verify Paulina Porizkova as a supermodel because he is an arbiter of American taste.
04/18/2007
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00:30

Intro - 4/19/07
The Colbert ReportS3

John Edwards spends $400 on a haircut, and Sean Penn faces off against Stephen in an epic battle of the metaphors.
04/19/2007
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05:00

Sean Penn
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen asks Sean Penn if he snuck weapons of mass destruction out of Iraq in a bulky raincoat to embarrass the president.
04/19/2007
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00:33

Hyperbole-Off
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen may have lost the Meta-Free-Phor-All to Sean Penn, but he will not lose his upcoming Hyperbole-Off to George Clooney.
04/19/2007
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08:27

Meta-Free-Phor-All: Shall I Nail Thee to a Summer's Day?
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen has a metaphor for Sean Penn: Sean Penn is a big mean jerk, and Stephen hates him.
04/19/2007
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02:59

The Word - $400 Haircut
The Colbert ReportS3

Sure, John Edwards grew up poor, but if he really cared about the poor, he would have stayed poor.
04/19/2007
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02:34

God's Pet Chimp
The Colbert ReportS3

Human DNA has stopped evolving because God got us right the first time when he intelligently designed us.
04/19/2007
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02:08

Stephanie's Winning!
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen's adopted turtle, Stephanie Colbertle, is leading the Great Turtle Race, while two other lady turtles hang back at the nesting grounds, listening to Melissa Etheridge.
04/23/2007
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00:42

Gonzales Forgot
The Colbert ReportS3

Alberto Gonzales said 71 times that he couldn't remember details on the U.S. attorney firings, but he only remembers saying it once.
04/23/2007
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04:51

ThreatDown - MySpace
The Colbert ReportS3

It's bad enough that MySpace exposes our teens to child predators, now they're corrupting our youth with journalism.
04/23/2007
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00:30

Intro - 4/23/07
The Colbert ReportS3

Conservatives want a fresh new face, Sheryl Crow confronts Karl Rove and Def Jam's Russell Simmons sits down with Stephen.
04/23/2007
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04:58

Mike Huckabee - Running Mate Bid
The Colbert ReportS3

Mike Huckabee and Stephen talk about plastic fruit and rowing in paddleboats in Central Park.
04/23/2007
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00:11

Colbert Nation Online Discussion Group
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen speaks to those interested in joining a Colbert Nation discussion group.
04/23/2007
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05:45

Russell Simmons
The Colbert ReportS3

Russell Simmons talks about Oprah, diamonds and the secret to success.
04/23/2007
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03:22

D.C. Voting Rights - Eleanor Holmes Norton
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen tells Eleanor Holmes Norton that this is the United States of America, not the United Districts of Columbia of America.
04/24/2007
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03:18

The Word - Act Globally
The Colbert ReportS3

According to the head of the EPA, George W. Bush is making major progress -- there is a 4/10ths of one percent reduction in the increase of greenhouse gasses.
04/24/2007
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02:48

60% Good News
The Colbert ReportS3

When Stephen watches "Fox & Friends," he feels like he's watching a Disney movie about the news.
04/24/2007
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