The Colbert Report
God's Pet Chimp
Season 3 E 52 • 04/19/2007

Human DNA has stopped evolving because God got us right the first time when he intelligently designed us.

Watching

04:38

The Colbert ReportS3 E51
Milk & Hormones

Stephen shares an educational video about Recombinant Bovine Growth Hormone, aka "Jesus Milk."
04/18/2007
00:21

The Colbert ReportS3 E51
National Library Week - Sebastian Junger

Author Sebastian Junger celebrates National Library Week by asking us to buy his books.
04/18/2007
00:17

The Colbert ReportS3 E51
National Library Week - David Remnick

David Remnick suggests that if you subscribe to the New Yorker but want even more unread material, visit your local library.
04/18/2007
00:47

The Colbert ReportS3 E51
National Library Week - Frank McCourt

English teacher Frank McCourt stresses the importance of books, but if he were a shop teacher he would be stressing the importance of plywood.
04/18/2007
05:50

The Colbert ReportS3 E51
Paulina Porizkova

Stephen can verify Paulina Porizkova as a supermodel because he is an arbiter of American taste.
04/18/2007
00:30

The Colbert ReportS3 E52
Intro - 4/19/07

John Edwards spends $400 on a haircut, and Sean Penn faces off against Stephen in an epic battle of the metaphors.
04/19/2007
05:00

The Colbert ReportS3 E52
Sean Penn

Stephen asks Sean Penn if he snuck weapons of mass destruction out of Iraq in a bulky raincoat to embarrass the president.
04/19/2007
00:33

The Colbert ReportS3 E52
Hyperbole-Off

Stephen may have lost the Meta-Free-Phor-All to Sean Penn, but he will not lose his upcoming Hyperbole-Off to George Clooney.
04/19/2007
08:27

The Colbert ReportS3 E52
Meta-Free-Phor-All: Shall I Nail Thee to a Summer's Day?

Stephen has a metaphor for Sean Penn: Sean Penn is a big mean jerk, and Stephen hates him.
04/19/2007
02:59

The Colbert ReportS3 E52
The Word - $400 Haircut

Sure, John Edwards grew up poor, but if he really cared about the poor, he would have stayed poor.
04/19/2007
02:34

The Colbert ReportS3 E52
God's Pet Chimp

Human DNA has stopped evolving because God got us right the first time when he intelligently designed us.
04/19/2007
02:08

The Colbert ReportS3 E53
Stephanie's Winning!

Stephen's adopted turtle, Stephanie Colbertle, is leading the Great Turtle Race, while two other lady turtles hang back at the nesting grounds, listening to Melissa Etheridge.
04/23/2007
00:42

The Colbert ReportS3 E53
Gonzales Forgot

Alberto Gonzales said 71 times that he couldn't remember details on the U.S. attorney firings, but he only remembers saying it once.
04/23/2007
04:51

The Colbert ReportS3 E53
ThreatDown - MySpace

It's bad enough that MySpace exposes our teens to child predators, now they're corrupting our youth with journalism.
04/23/2007
00:30

The Colbert ReportS3 E53
Intro - 4/23/07

Conservatives want a fresh new face, Sheryl Crow confronts Karl Rove and Def Jam's Russell Simmons sits down with Stephen.
04/23/2007
04:58

The Colbert ReportS3 E53
Mike Huckabee - Running Mate Bid

Mike Huckabee and Stephen talk about plastic fruit and rowing in paddleboats in Central Park.
04/23/2007
00:11

The Colbert ReportS3 E53
Colbert Nation Online Discussion Group

Stephen speaks to those interested in joining a Colbert Nation discussion group.
04/23/2007
05:45

The Colbert ReportS3 E53
Russell Simmons

Russell Simmons talks about Oprah, diamonds and the secret to success.
04/23/2007
03:22

The Colbert ReportS3 E54
D.C. Voting Rights - Eleanor Holmes Norton

Stephen tells Eleanor Holmes Norton that this is the United States of America, not the United Districts of Columbia of America.
04/24/2007
03:18

The Colbert ReportS3 E54
The Word - Act Globally

According to the head of the EPA, George W. Bush is making major progress -- there is a 4/10ths of one percent reduction in the increase of greenhouse gasses.
04/24/2007
02:48

The Colbert ReportS3 E54
60% Good News

When Stephen watches "Fox & Friends," he feels like he's watching a Disney movie about the news.
04/24/2007