The Colbert Report
Season 5 • 08/04/2009
Kurt Andersen wants Americans to be Puritan hedonists who behave with moderation.
The Colbert ReportS5 Tony Zinni
General Tony Zinni cites David Petraeus, Barack Obama and Richard Branson as examples of great leaders.
The Colbert ReportS5 Bears & Balls - How to Pay for Health Care
Democrats want to pay for health care reform by taxing sodas and killing old people.
The Colbert ReportS5 Nailed 'Em - War on Birth Control
The Fairfax County School Board nails a teen junkie for taking birth control in the cafeteria.
The Colbert ReportS5 Dominic Philip's Book Habit
Stephen cures Dominic Philip's reading habit by sending him an entire box of books and forcing him to read every last one of them.
The Colbert ReportS5 Intro - 8/3/09
President Obama finds a way to pay for health care, and General Anthony Zinni will wax Stephen's chest.
The Colbert ReportS5 The Word - Hippie Replacement
Soon America's grassroots people-power movements will be rid of the one thing that's holding them back: people.
The Colbert ReportS5 Sign Off - Love Makes the World Go Round
Love makes the world go round, so stop hogging all the credit, physics.
The Colbert ReportS5 Colbert Bump Cocktail - David Wondrich
David Wondrich serves Stephen drinks from the Great Depression and the Civil War, and invents a Colbert Bump cocktail.
The Colbert ReportS5 Merry Barackmas
Karl Marx takes gifts from Stephen to give to lazy people who don't deserve nice things.
The Colbert ReportS5 Kurt Andersen
According to Kurt Andersen, the economic and health crises give Americans a brief chance to get things where they want them.
The Colbert ReportS5 Human Week
Since sharks don't kill that many people, the Discovery Channel should replace their Shark Week with Human Week.
The Colbert ReportS5 2010 Midterms - Joe Sestak
Joe Sestak is running against Arlen Specter for the Pennsylvania Senate seat so he can bring health care reform to all Americans.
The Colbert ReportS5 Bill Clinton's Personal Appearance
Bill Clinton frees two journalists from North Korea, but Laura Ling leaves without her delicious sandwich.
The Colbert ReportS5 Kris Kobach
Kris Kobach wants to fight illegal immigration on the local level and reward the people willing to come to this country legally.
The Colbert ReportS5 Meryl Streep
Meryl Streep won't feel responsible if her role as Julia Child influences kids to think cooking is cool.
The Colbert ReportS5 Intro - 8/6/09
Stephen reviews the movies that are destroying America and talks to Meryl Streep about her role as Julia Child.
The Colbert ReportS5 Yahweh or No Way - Dinosaur Adventure Land & Black Market Kidneys
The founder of a creationist dinosaur theme park refuses to pay taxes, President Obama may be a secret Mormon, and a Jewish man trades kidneys on the black market.
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