The Colbert Report
The Word - Symbol-Minded
Season 5 • 10/13/2009
The cross represents everybody: Christians and people who are going to hell.
Fallback Position - James BlakeThe Colbert ReportS5
James Blake overcomes Stephen's total lack of athletic ability to transform him into a tennis champion.
War of Peace - Shashi TharoorThe Colbert ReportS5
Shashi Tharoor believes President Obama deserves the Nobel Peace Prize for giving hope to people around the world.
Sign Off - Thanks to the GuestsThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen thanks Shashi Tharoor, James Blake and Sanjay Gupta for being his guests.
Intro - 10/12/09The Colbert ReportS5
The world has a peace prize in its pocket for Barack Obama, Dr. Sanjay Gupta keeps Larry King "live," and Stephen looks for a backup job.
Sanjay GuptaThe Colbert ReportS5
Sanjay Gupta wants to intervene in the process of death and possibly reverse it.
Sylvia EarleThe Colbert ReportS5
Sylvia Earle stresses the importance of doing everything we can to protect the ocean and restore health to the system that takes care of us.
Sign Off - GmailThe Colbert ReportS5
If you're watching on a computer, open up Gmail so Stephen can check some messages.
Intro - 10/13/09The Colbert ReportS5
Stephen tells babies to get a job, and Sylvia Earle prevents him from deep-frying a merman.
The Born Supremacy - David JaverbaumThe Colbert ReportS5
One of the most interesting things David Javerbaum discovered while researching his book is that pregnancy often affects the mother.
Jermaine Maine Tweets Miley Cyrus FactsThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen's pop star alter ego, Jermaine Maine, posts Twitter updates about Miley Cyrus' life.
The Word - Symbol-MindedThe Colbert ReportS5
The cross has nothing to do with Christianity -- it's just the normal symbol of the resting place of the dead. Download The Word NOW!
Sign Off - Should Have Put a Ring On ItThe Colbert ReportS5
If you liked tonight's show, then you should have put a ring on it.
Yahweh or No Way - Legislation Prayers & Fake Shroud of TurinThe Colbert ReportS5
Special interest groups pray on issues like health care, and an Italian scientist makes a fake Shroud of Turin look like Cher with a mustache.
The RZAThe Colbert ReportS5
The RZA wants everyone to know that the truth shall set you free from all things.
Pat Roberts Warns Against Health Care Box CanyonThe Colbert ReportS5
Pat Roberts is concerned that health care reform is full of spending quicksand, cactus tax hikes and policy briar patches.
The Obesity Epidemic - Amy FarrellThe Colbert ReportS5
Amy Farrell believes the American government is misguided when it focuses on the obesity epidemic.
Sign Off - Stephen Unveils a New PortraitThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen unveils his brand new portrait on the four-year anniversary of The Colbert Report's first episode.
Tip/Wag - Coal Lobbyists, George Takei & CrispyconesThe Colbert ReportS5
A coal lobby represents non-existent Americans, George Takei threatens the sanctity of game shows, and Crispycones are too easy to eat.
The Mayo-lution Will Not Be TelevisedThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen responds to Miracle Whip's advertising campaign with his own extreme ad for mayo.
Jerry MitchellThe Colbert ReportS5
Thanks to Jerry Mitchell's investigations, four people have gone to jail for crimes they committed in the civil rights era.
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