The Colbert Report
Season 5 • 03/19/2009
John McCardell lists the benefits of lowering the drinking age to 18.
Intro - 3/18/09The Colbert ReportS5
Scientists dig up something unexpected, and no, it's not a social life.
Tip/Wag - Mississippi, Talk Shows & SyFyThe Colbert ReportS5
Mississippi ends child selling, talk shows move to Connecticut, and the SciFi Channel changes its name.
Sam's Club TimeThe Colbert ReportS5
That's it for time until Stephen runs to Sam's Club and picks up some more.
Predator X DiscoveryThe Colbert ReportS5
Jesus buried the bones of Predator X under the ocean 6,000 years ago to test our faith.
Juan ColeThe Colbert ReportS5
Juan Cole doesn't advocate a soft approach, but he wants to take the Muslim world's views into account.
Bill Posey Alligator RumorsThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen demands a DNA test to determine whether Congressman Bill Posey is part alligator.
When Animals Attack Our Morals - Chimps, Lizards & SpidersThe Colbert ReportS5
A chimp throws rocks at Swedes, male lizards imitate females, and spiders perform miracles.
Intro - 3/19/09The Colbert ReportS5
A new bill would require presidential candidates to produce birth records. Mitt Romney, you can just show your serial number.
Conservative Rap Battle - Michael Steele's ResponseThe Colbert ReportS5
In accordance with hip-hop's longstanding fairness doctrine, Stephen presents Michael Steele's rap response, remixed on behalf of Michael Steele.
Space Module: Colbert - Vote NowThe Colbert ReportS5
Don't forget to vote for NASA's space node to be named after Stephen.
John McCardellThe Colbert ReportS5
John McCardell believes the current drinking age law drives alcohol consumption out of public view, putting young people at greater risk.
Derrick PittsThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen handles Derrick Pitt's replica of Galileo's telescope with special magic gloves.
Space Module: Colbert - Democracy in OrbitThe Colbert ReportS5
Representative Chaka Fattah insists that Stephen won the NASA node-naming contest fair and square.
Me Time - Emily Yoffe on Narcissistic Personality DisorderThe Colbert ReportS5
What's wrong with thinking that you are better than everyone else if it's the truth?
30 Minute ApplauseThe Colbert ReportS5
Late viewers, just pretend that you applauded for Stephen for 30 minutes.
Intro - 3/30/09The Colbert ReportS5
Is narcissism hurting America? More importantly, how does Stephen's hair look?
Me Time - American NarcissismThe Colbert ReportS5
We need ambition, self-confidence and extreme good looks to rebuild America.
Violence in MexicoThe Colbert ReportS5
Cross border drug traffic and violence could lead to the explosion of Lou Dobbs' head.
Intro - 3/31/09The Colbert ReportS5
Glenn Beck embarks on a new crusade, and David Plotz discusses every word of the Bible.
The 10.31 ProjectThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen wants you to ring doorbells and demand that your neighbors make a tangible commitment to America in the form of a sugary treat.
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