The Colbert Report
Intro - 3/4/09
Season 5 • 03/04/2009
NASA may name the space station after Stephen if he changes his name to Urine Filtration System.
The Murderer Was DerekThe Colbert ReportS5
For those of you just tuning in, the murderer was Derek.
Space Module: Colbert - Name NASA's Node 3 After StephenThe Colbert ReportS5
Colbert Nation is officially mobilized to get NASA's new space station node named "Colbert."
Intro - 3/3/09The Colbert ReportS5
President Obama taxes the rich to pay for universal health care, and South Carolina may finally end gun prostitution.
Guns for RosesThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen doesn't like the idea of putting all these roses out on the streets with their pointy thorns.
The Word - Share the WealthThe Colbert ReportS5
If we're paying for the poor's health care, we need to make sure they stay healthy.
Carl WilsonThe Colbert ReportS5
Carl Wilson tries to understand the popularity of Celine Dion in "Let's Talk About Love."
Space Module: Colbert - Scientology's New Galactic OverlordThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen is ahead of Xenu in NASA's space station module votes, making him Scientology's new galactic overlord.
Doom Bunker - Jack Jacobs and Stephen MooreThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen makes up horrific doomsday scenarios for Jack Jacobs and Stephen Moore to discuss.
Doom Bunker - Glenn Beck's "War Room"The Colbert ReportS5
Stephen encourages Glenn Beck to crank up the crazy and rip off the knob.
Intro - 3/4/09The Colbert ReportS5
Will NASA name part of the space station after Stephen if he changes his name to Stephen Urine Filtration System?
Obama's Swing SetThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen has to respect Barack Obama for putting together a swing set on the South Lawn.
Steven JohnsonThe Colbert ReportS5
Steven Johnson talks about Joseph Priestley, the man who first realized that plants actually create the oxygen we breathe.
Intro - 3/5/09The Colbert ReportS5
The Obama administration goes after pundits. John King, set your magic screen to stun.
Tip/Wag - Rush LimbaughThe Colbert ReportS5
Rush Limbaugh doesn't care what the Constitution says, which is proof that he is the true leader of the Republican Party.
Market Psychology - Jim CramerThe Colbert ReportS5
Jim Cramer discusses the psychology of the open market with a backdrop of puppies and kittens.
Better Know a District - Wyoming's At-Large - Cynthia LummisThe Colbert ReportS5
Representative Cynthia Lummis judges a selection of Stephen's meats.
The Word - Locked and LoathedThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen longs for a day when gun owners no longer have to hide their relationships with their concealed weapons.
Intro - 3/9/09The Colbert ReportS5
If Stacy drugged Rex's drink, who is going to perform Felicia's brain surgery?
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