The Colbert Report

Intro - 3/4/09

Season 5 • 03/04/2009

NASA may name the space station after Stephen if he changes his name to Urine Filtration System.

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00:14

The Murderer Was Derek
The Colbert ReportS5

For those of you just tuning in, the murderer was Derek.
03/03/2009
02:27

Space Module: Colbert - Name NASA's Node 3 After Stephen
The Colbert ReportS5

Colbert Nation is officially mobilized to get NASA's new space station node named "Colbert."
03/03/2009
00:34

Intro - 3/3/09
The Colbert ReportS5

President Obama taxes the rich to pay for universal health care, and South Carolina may finally end gun prostitution.
03/03/2009
01:48

Guns for Roses
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen doesn't like the idea of putting all these roses out on the streets with their pointy thorns.
03/03/2009
04:20

The Word - Share the Wealth
The Colbert ReportS5

If we're paying for the poor's health care, we need to make sure they stay healthy.
03/03/2009
04:28

Carl Wilson
The Colbert ReportS5

Carl Wilson tries to understand the popularity of Celine Dion in "Let's Talk About Love."
03/04/2009
03:53

Space Module: Colbert - Scientology's New Galactic Overlord
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen is ahead of Xenu in NASA's space station module votes, making him Scientology's new galactic overlord.
03/04/2009
07:12

Doom Bunker - Jack Jacobs and Stephen Moore
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen makes up horrific doomsday scenarios for Jack Jacobs and Stephen Moore to discuss.
03/04/2009
00:03

Goodnight
The Colbert ReportS5

That's it for the show, everybody.
03/04/2009
04:07

Doom Bunker - Glenn Beck's "War Room"
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen encourages Glenn Beck to crank up the crazy and rip off the knob.
03/04/2009
00:31

Intro - 3/4/09
The Colbert ReportS5

Will NASA name part of the space station after Stephen if he changes his name to Stephen Urine Filtration System?
03/04/2009
01:24

Obama's Swing Set
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen has to respect Barack Obama for putting together a swing set on the South Lawn.
03/05/2009
00:10

Leave You Wanting More
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen likes to leave you wanting more.
03/05/2009
05:28

Steven Johnson
The Colbert ReportS5

Steven Johnson talks about Joseph Priestley, the man who first realized that plants actually create the oxygen we breathe.
03/05/2009
00:26

Intro - 3/5/09
The Colbert ReportS5

The Obama administration goes after pundits. John King, set your magic screen to stun.
03/05/2009
04:44

Tip/Wag - Rush Limbaugh
The Colbert ReportS5

Rush Limbaugh doesn't care what the Constitution says, which is proof that he is the true leader of the Republican Party.
03/05/2009
07:50

Market Psychology - Jim Cramer
The Colbert ReportS5

Jim Cramer discusses the psychology of the open market with a backdrop of puppies and kittens.
03/05/2009
06:38

Better Know a District - Wyoming's At-Large - Cynthia Lummis
The Colbert ReportS5

Representative Cynthia Lummis judges a selection of Stephen's meats.
03/09/2009
05:59

The Word - Locked and Loathed
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen longs for a day when gun owners no longer have to hide their relationships with their concealed weapons.
03/09/2009
00:27

Intro - 3/9/09
The Colbert ReportS5

If Stacy drugged Rex's drink, who is going to perform Felicia's brain surgery?
03/09/2009
00:08

Sleep Tight, Abraham
The Colbert ReportS5

Sleep tight, Abraham. You've got a big day tomorrow.
03/09/2009
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