The Colbert Report
Juvenile Speeches from Congress & President Sparkle-Talk
Season 8 • 06/04/2012
Congress is so dumb that it took them seven years just to be held back a grade.
Buy Best-Selling "I Am a Pole (And So Can You!)"The Colbert ReportS8
Stephen's clearly nonfiction book about a talking, soul-searching pole hits two best-selling lists, while Bill O'Reilly's book lags behind.
Barack Obama's Righteous Drone StrikesThe Colbert ReportS8
The government takes out Al Qaeda's "number two," and Barack Obama finds an alternative to shutting down Guantanamo Bay.
The Word - Two Birds With One DroneThe Colbert ReportS8
The Obama administration reasons that anyone in a strike zone is likely Al Qaeda, so no one has to feel guilty about civilian casualties.
Jack HittThe Colbert ReportS8
Author Jack Hitt explores America's self-made history, job creators and the cyclical nature of amateurism.
Michael Bloomberg's Super-Sized Soda SchemeThe Colbert ReportS8
New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg plans to ban super-sized sodas, even though America hasn't achieved type-3 diabetes yet.
Sign Off - Welcome Baby Gwinn!The Colbert ReportS8
Stephen suspects that one of his writers has broken the strict, company abstinence pledge.
The Word - Sink or SwimThe Colbert ReportS8
Scientists predict an economy-destroying, 39-inch sea level rise, but North Carolina drafts a law to make it eight inches.
Better Know a District - Represent-O-Map 6000 & Georgia's 5thThe Colbert ReportS8
Nancy Pelosi and the Represent-O-Map 6000 boost representative bookings, and Stephen profiles Georgia's 5th congressional district.
John LewisThe Colbert ReportS8
Congressman John Lewis recalls the 1965 Selma-to-Montgomery March, America's segregation and his mentor Martin Luther King, Jr.
Juvenile Speeches from Congress & President Sparkle-TalkThe Colbert ReportS8
America's leaders speak the high school language of "angry glares at the dinner table," while Barack Obama talks like an eighth-grader.
CDC Zombie Apocalypse StatementThe Colbert ReportS8
Zombie-like attacks suggest a growing urban trend, but America's top emergency doctors declare that zombies do not exist.
Tip/Wag - Japanese Diet Goggles, U.S. Sperm Exports & Taxidermied ToysThe Colbert ReportS8
Japanese diet glasses reduce Oreo intake, America is the gold standard of sperm, and Dutch artist Bart Jansen converts his dead cat into a model helicopter.
Intro - 6/5/12The Colbert ReportS8
The U.S. reveals its latest export, traditional marriage faces assault, and Second Lady Dr. Jill Biden talks about her children's book.
Self-Marriage ProblemsThe Colbert ReportS8
A North Dakota woman marries herself, and Stephen envisions all the societal pressure once self-marriage becomes the norm.
Jill BidenThe Colbert ReportS8
Second Lady Jill Biden describes her passion for teaching, the resilience of military families, and her "Vice team" leadership.
Wisconsin's Recall ResultsThe Colbert ReportS8
Governor Scott Walker wins the Wisconsin recall election, so Stephen celebrates the end of America's unions.
Transit of Venus & Mars Reality Show PitchThe Colbert ReportS8
Stephen's sun-gazing pays off, and the private sector offers Americans the chance to pick up and move to Mars.
Neil Patrick HarrisThe Colbert ReportS8
Actor Neil Patrick Harris discusses hosting the Tony Awards, performing on Broadway and playing a convincing straight guy on "How I Met Your Mother."
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