The Colbert Report
Tip/Wag - Guns on Amtrak, Fake Lesbians & Battleship Audition
Season 5 • 09/22/2009
The Senate allows guns on Amtrak trains, and Stephen auditions for "Battleship" with Jeff Goldblum.
The Colbert ReportS5 Wayne Coyne
Stephen asks The Flaming Lips' Wayne Coyne how bad things must be in Oklahoma that "Do You Realize??" is its official rock song.
The Colbert ReportS5 Goat Lab
Stephen resurrects the U.S. military technique of staring at a goat to make its heart explode.
The Colbert ReportS5 Sport Report - U.S. Open & NFL Wheel of Scandal
Juan Martin del Potro wins the U.S. Open, and Stephen predicts which NFL player will get in trouble next with the Wheel of Scandal.
The Colbert ReportS5 Goat Lab - Jon Ronson
Jon Ronson explains why the U.S. military trained soldiers to use sparkly eyes on the enemy and kill goats with their minds.
The Colbert ReportS5 Frank Bruni
Frank Bruni talks about mastering his addiction to compulsive eating as a food critic for the New York Times.
The Colbert ReportS5 Sign Off - Shofar Goodnight
Stephen says goodnight with his shofar.
The Colbert ReportS5 Shai Agassi
Shai Agassi explains his electric car network that's modeled after cell phone plans.
The Colbert ReportS5 Atone Phone - Jon Stewart Calls to Apologize
Jon calls 1-888-MOSS-LEW to apologize for not having paid for his bed of moss yet.
The Colbert ReportS5 Intro - 9/22/09
The Senate votes to allow guns on trains, and Shai Agassi wants us all to drive electric cars.
The Colbert ReportS5 Atone Phone - Emmy Awards
Stephen wants every Jewish member of the television academy to call and beg for forgiveness, which he will then deliver in the form of an acceptance speech.
The Colbert ReportS5 Tip/Wag - Guns on Amtrak, Fake Lesbians & Battleship Audition
The Senate allows guns on Amtrak trains, fake lesbians push products, and Stephen auditions for "Battleship" with Jeff Goldblum.
The Colbert ReportS5 Capitalism's Enemy - Michael Moore
Michael Moore fights capitalism and urges Senate Democrats to stand up for health care reform.
The Colbert ReportS5 Tom DeLay Dances With the Stars
Tom DeLay looked so happy on the floor of "Dancing With the Stars" you'd think he'd just been arrested on charges of corruption.
The Colbert ReportS5 AJ Jacobs
AJ Jacobs' life experiments include following all the rules of the Bible, trying to be the most rational person alive and radical honesty.
The Colbert ReportS5 Lunatic Dictator Accommodations
Let's put Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and Muammar el-Qaddafi in New York City's finest hotels and drain their national treasuries with mini-bar charges.
The Colbert ReportS5 Sign Off - Thank You for Joining Us
Stephen says thank you and goodnight.
The Colbert ReportS5 Ken Burns
Ken Burns believes if America didn't have national parks, the Grand Canyon would be lined with mansions and Yosemite would be a gated community.
The Colbert ReportS5 Atone Phone - Larry King Calls
Larry King apologizes to Stephen for not giving him a chance to explain the terrible scandal that is sure to end his career.
The Colbert ReportS5 The Word - Blackwashing
Prevent your valid criticisms of Barack Obama from being unfairly associated with racism by putting on a little blackwashing.
The Colbert ReportS5 Easter Under Attack - Peeps Display
A woman must take down the marshmallow Peeps display from her apartment door or be evicted.
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