The Colbert Report
The Word - Modest Porpoisal
Season 3 • 07/24/2007
What's more advantageous for the survival of a species than being delicious?
Intro - 7/23/07The Colbert ReportS3
Stephen is too busy reading the newly-released final Harry Potter book to introduce the show.
Colbert Platinum - Private SubmarinesThe Colbert ReportS3
You've got your Lamborghini, you've got your private jet, you've got your schooner -- what should your next expensive vehicle purchase be? A submarine.
Stephen's Fountain of YouthThe Colbert ReportS3
When Nebraska Senator Ben Nelson appeared on The Report, he didn't just get the Colbert Bump -- his hair looked more brown than usual.
Simon SchamaThe Colbert ReportS3
Simon Schama says the purpose of art is to unleash the floodgates of passion. Stephen says FEMA has to protect people from the flooding of his passion.
The Word - Premium PackageThe Colbert ReportS3
Americans have basic rights, and those rights should not be denied on the basis of their color, creed, or religion -- it should be on the basis of their tax returns.
Anthony RomeroThe Colbert ReportS3
ACLU Director Anthony Romero, author of "In Defense of Our America," defends Stephen's right to burn his book.
Movies That Are Destroying America: Chuck and LarryThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen just hopes that "I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry" shows the dark side of gay marriage: Kevin James naked.
Bush's ButtThe Colbert ReportS3
If the Bush administration is so secretive, would they have publicly handed over power to Dick Cheney while the president got a camera stuck up his butt?
Joining the IlluminatiThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen tried every crazy handshake he could think of when he met President Bush.
Intro - 7/24/07The Colbert ReportS3
Stephen discusses a scandal in the German zoo system, talks about the summer blockbuster season and interviews executive director of the ACLU, Anthony Romero.
The Word - Modest PorpoisalThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen suggests that by eating endangered animals we can prevent their extinction.
Intro - 7/25/07The Colbert ReportS3
Scientists develop a removable tattoo, Fred Thompson demotes his campaign manager, and Stephen asks Charles Kaiser if there's a gay Superman.
The Word - No RegretsThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen believes that you should never regret a decision but instead get it tattooed on your forehead.
Thompson CampaignThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen believes America deserves a president who is ready to roll up his sleeves and get to work on a 52-ounce porterhouse.
Hometown Hero Town - Bryce Canyon CityThe Colbert ReportS3
In order to establish Colbert Report City, the show will now be taped in Utah. Go Jazz!
Daily KosThe Colbert ReportS3
Hey New York Times -- Stephen didn't spoil Harry Potter for you, don't ruin the war in Iraq for him.
Charles KaiserThe Colbert ReportS3
When Charles Kaiser suggests that New York is a gay metropolis because of critical mass, Stephen understands that to mean it's like a dangerous nuclear bomb.
Intro - 7/26/07The Colbert ReportS3
North Dakota seeks to legalize hemp farming, a goddess is stripped of her title, and Stephen asks Robert Shrum whether he advised Kerry to flip or to flop.
Bob ShrumThe Colbert ReportS3
Democratic campaign strategist Bob Shrum wants to know if Stephen's wrist injury has made him reconsider his position on universal health care.
Industrial Hemp & Medical Marijuana - Aaron HoustonThe Colbert ReportS3
Medical marijuana advocate Aaron Houston tells Stephen the only thing you'd get from smoking hemp is the headache of your life.
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