The Colbert Report
Season 1 • 11/09/2005
Stephen asks author Mary Roach what his options are for not dying.
The Colbert ReportS1 Fract - Franagram: American Patriot
"American Patriot" anagrams to "I am an erotic part."
The Colbert ReportS1 Wilford Brimley Calls - Cocoon
Wilford Brimley doesn't understand why Stephen isn't using the cocoon he sent as a set decoration.
The Colbert ReportS1 America Doesn't Torture
The president says that America doesn't do anything illegal. Torture is illegal. Ergo -- and that's Latin for "bite me" -- we do not torture.
The Colbert ReportS1 Intro - 11/8/05
On the agenda: Terrell Owens, torture, Christmas tradition and Court TV's Catherine Crier.
The Colbert ReportS1 Catherine Crier
To get into the news business, Catherine Crier said, "Boys, I've got a camera in the living room. You wanna come over and make a tape?"
The Colbert ReportS1 Intro - 11/9/05
Arnold Schwarzenegger's propositions are turned down at the ballot box, and Stephen looks forward to talking with author Mary Roach.
The Colbert ReportS1 Better Know a District - Florida's 7th - John Mica
Congressman John Mica stands for his district with the tenacity of an alligator that shows up in your garage after a hurricane.
The Colbert ReportS1 The Word - Willy Loman
Mr. Schwarzenegger, get back to what you do best: jamming Arnold into people's holes.
The Colbert ReportS1 Next Question
At the recent White House press briefings it looks like Scott McClellan is about to crap his pants or burst into tears.
The Colbert ReportS1 All You Need to Know - Kansas Education
The Kansas Board of Education approves the teaching of intelligent design in the classroom.
The Colbert ReportS1 Mary Roach
Stephen and author Mary Roach contact a spirit from the past in the studio.
The Colbert ReportS1 Cokie Roberts
Cokie Roberts recalls an old Washington, where people could disagree without being disagreeable.
The Colbert ReportS1 Intro - 11/10/05
Congress hard at work, the re-branding of Veteran's Day and Cokie Roberts -- all on tonight's show.
The Colbert ReportS1 The DaColbert Code - Samuel Alito
Stephen uses The DaColbert Code to pierce the veil of secrecy and solve modern-day mysteries.
The Colbert ReportS1 The In-Box - Asian Stereotypes
In an attempt to apologize for accidentally perpetuating an Asian stereotype, Stephen shares some of The Report's airtime with its sister station in Osaka.
The Colbert ReportS1 The Word - Armistice
President Bush is saving Veterans Day by creating thousands of new veterans.
The Colbert ReportS1 Swear to God
Stephen believes that big oil company CEOs should have sworn in before testifying to Congress.
The Colbert ReportS1 Bob Kerrey
Stephen pitches former Senator Bob Kerrey his plan for training the Iraqi army.
The Colbert ReportS1 Internets Anniversary
Stephen buys himself an Internet anniversary present from eBay.
The Colbert ReportS1 The Word - Testosterone
Stephen thinks women are weaker than men for being incapable of completely abandoning their humanity.
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