The Colbert Report
Sign Off - Welcome Baby Sanchez!
Season 9 • 01/31/2013
Stephen gives a Colbert Nation baby some advice.
Intro - 1/29/13The Colbert ReportS9
States wonder if they have to follow federal law, the war on terror persists, and George Saunders shares his critically-acclaimed book.
The Word - It Gets WorseThe Colbert ReportS9
Pro-DOMA lawyer Paul Clement thinks the struggle for gay rights has just been too successful, so it therefore must end in failure.
Intro - 1/30/13The Colbert ReportS9
Gays and lesbians advocate for same-sex marriage, the Ku Klux Klan makes big changes, and billionaire philanthropist Bill Gates joins Stephen.
Bill GatesThe Colbert ReportS9
Microsoft's founder talks about polio eradication, information technology and the decline in childhood deaths worldwide.
Non-Racist KKKThe Colbert ReportS9
The new Ku Klux Klan spreads its positive message the way any open-minded group would: door to door in the dead of night.
Coming Out Benefits & Gay RightsThe Colbert ReportS9
Psychosomatic Medicine prints a study on gay men's stress levels, and conservatives have been saying gays should have equal rights since the beginning of this sentence.
Sport Report - Gatorade Chemicals & Chicken Wing ShortageThe Colbert ReportS9
Gatorade without flame retardant is like hotdogs without pig sphincter, and chicken thieves run a-fowl as wing prices fly high.
Craziest F#?King Thing I've Ever Heard - Crows Using ToolsThe Colbert ReportS9
A bird demonstrates higher-level thinking while Big Bird, after 40 years, still needs help counting to 10.
Sport Report - Ads for Ads & Deer Antler SprayThe Colbert ReportS9
TiVo watchers practice fast-forwarding, and Sports Illustrated accuses Ravens linebacker Ray Lewis of deer antler doping.
Sign Off - Welcome Baby Sanchez!The Colbert ReportS9
Stephen congratulates his wardrobe mistress who just gave birth to the newest citizen of Colbert Nation.
Bipartisan Immigration ReformThe Colbert ReportS9
Latino immigrants deserve the same Social Security, Medicare and public education benefits that all Americans are slowly losing.
Skeet Shooting SkepticsThe Colbert ReportS9
If President Obama really loved guns, he'd be waving them around at a petting zoo and picking off baby goats, not skeet shooting.
Sonia SotomayorThe Colbert ReportS9
Justice Sotomayor discusses her funny colleagues, self-reliant childhood and most conservative belief as an Independent.
Super Bowl XLVIIThe Colbert ReportS9
Budweiser turns out a tearjerker ad, Beyonce ends the halftime tradition of arthritic legends, and the Superdome loses power for 35 minutes.
Intro - 2/4/13The Colbert ReportS9
The GOP tries to appeal to Hispanics, President Obama seeks support from gun owners, and Sonia Sotomayor is the first Hispanic Supreme Court Justice.
Sign Off - Second AmendmentThe Colbert ReportS9
Stephen reviews the Second Amendment and says goodnight.
Sign Off - Final RoseThe Colbert ReportS9
Stephen accepts an iconic reality show prop.
Tip/Wag - Drunk Donating & "The Job" Reality ShowThe Colbert ReportS9
Houston patrons vote on which charity should receive a bar's proceeds, and CBS turns America's unemployment problem into America's entertainment solution.
Royal RemainsThe Colbert ReportS9
Archeologists discover King Richard III's remains beneath a supermarket parking lot, which explains his famous last words: "My kingdom for a Hot Pocket!"
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