The Colbert Report

Sign Off - Stephen's Chip

Season 5 • 07/21/2009

The chip in Stephen's head only makes suggestions.

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00:04

Sign Off - Goodnight
The Colbert ReportS5

That's it for The Report.
07/20/2009
05:20

Sport Report - Jessica Simpson, Olympic Brothel & Bud Light
The Colbert ReportS5

Tony Romo breaks up with Jessica Simpson, an Olympic hopeful opens a brothel, and Stephen loves the taste of Bud Light.
07/20/2009
03:57

Reverse Racism - Geoffrey Canada
The Colbert ReportS5

Geoffrey Canada can't find any area where white men are being disproportionately victimized.
07/20/2009
05:14

Bob Park
The Colbert ReportS5

Bob Park doesn't understand why humans need go to space when robots can do a better job.
07/20/2009
02:58

Reverse Racism
The Colbert ReportS5

As a recent black man, Stephen looks forward to hearing President Obama's NAACP speech.
07/20/2009
03:31

The Word - A Perfect World
The Colbert ReportS5

Investigating prisoner abuse will be a political food fight, and that is messier than torture.
07/21/2009
06:44

Better Know a Lobby - Acorn
The Colbert ReportS5

Acorn's chief community organizer, Bertha Lewis, needs to know the number of Stephen's sexual partners for her census form.
07/21/2009
06:16

Aaron Carroll
The Colbert ReportS5

Aaron Carroll believes the single-payer system will cost less, cover everyone and lead to better outcomes.
07/21/2009
00:32

Intro - 7/21/09
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen will be the mighty oak when he investigates Acorn, and Aaron Carroll believes America should have a single-payer system.
07/21/2009
02:32

40th Anniversary of the Moon Landing
The Colbert ReportS5

To celebrate the 40th anniversary of the moon landing, Stephen re-airs his historic broadcast from July 20, 1969.
07/21/2009
00:16

Sign Off - Stephen's Chip
The Colbert ReportS5

The opinions expressed tonight are exclusively Stephen's -- the chip in his head only makes suggestions.
07/21/2009
03:09

Sniper Trifle
The Colbert ReportS5

The only huge surprise about Dick Cheney having his own secret assassination squad is that it didn't include cannibalism.
07/22/2009
00:35

Intro - 7/22/09
The Colbert ReportS5

The truth behind the CIA's secret assassination squad is revealed, and Chris Anderson talks about a future economy where everything is free.
07/22/2009
06:03

Chris Anderson
The Colbert ReportS5

Chris Anderson explains how it's possible for companies to make money by providing free services.
07/22/2009
04:17

Pope Wrist Watch
The Colbert ReportS5

The best way to spread wrist awareness is by getting a WristStrong bracelet to Pope Benedict XVI.
07/22/2009
03:11

Sniper Trifle - Matthew Waxman
The Colbert ReportS5

Matthew Waxman discusses the legal argument over whether to alert Congress about certain covert action programs.
07/22/2009
02:40

The Longest Solar Eclipse of the Century
The Colbert ReportS5

Xenu returned Asia's sun, but he will devour it again unless India returns America's outsourced jobs and China forgives the national debt.
07/22/2009
00:05

Sign Off - Goodnight
The Colbert ReportS5

That's it for The Report, everybody.
07/22/2009
04:51

Zev Chafets
The Colbert ReportS5

Zev Chafets doesn't have a problem with steroid use in baseball, but he is concerned about its cover-up.
07/23/2009
00:12

Sign Off - TiVo
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen doesn't want to know how the show ends because he's TiVo'ing it.
07/23/2009
05:45

Health Care Hell-Scare - Die-agnosis: Mur-DR
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen invites expert victims from Canada, France and Spain to relay their horrible experiences of socialized medicine.
07/23/2009
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