The Colbert Report
Season 5 • 09/17/2009
Stephen tries to make a goat's heart explode with his mind.
The Colbert ReportS5 World Record for Mexican Insults
Stephen tries to set his own record for most insults to Mexico in a single nightly news broadcast.
The Colbert ReportS5 The Word - Let Freedom Ka-Ching
Corporations do everything people do except breathe, die and go to jail for dumping 1.3 million pounds of PCBs in the Hudson River.
The Colbert ReportS5 I's on Edjukashun - Muslim Textbooks & Tony Danza
Obama indoctrinates America's school children, Tucker Carlson reveals Muslims' influence on textbooks, and Tony Danza teaches high school.
The Colbert ReportS5 Figgy Moonpowder
If David Bowie is going to muscle into Stephen's turf by having a spider named after him, Stephen will introduce his alter ego, Figgy Moonpowder.
The Colbert ReportS5 Body Worlds Plans Cadaver Sex Exhibit
The Body Worlds exhibit devoted to cadaver sex makes being dead look like too much fun.
The Colbert ReportS5 Intro - 9/16/09
Stephen takes an in-depth look at education, and The Flaming Lips' two-story plush hippo doesn't get through security.
The Colbert ReportS5 Wayne Coyne
Stephen asks The Flaming Lips' Wayne Coyne how bad things must be in Oklahoma that "Do You Realize??" is its official rock song.
The Colbert ReportS5 Sport Report - U.S. Open & NFL Wheel of Scandal
Juan Martin del Potro wins the U.S. Open, and Stephen predicts which NFL player will get in trouble next with the Wheel of Scandal.
The Colbert ReportS5 Goat Lab - Jon Ronson
Jon Ronson explains why the U.S. military trained soldiers to use sparkly eyes on the enemy and kill goats with their minds.
The Colbert ReportS5 Frank Bruni
Frank Bruni talks about mastering his addiction to compulsive eating as a food critic for the New York Times.
The Colbert ReportS5 Goat Lab
Stephen resurrects the U.S. military technique of staring at a goat to make its heart explode.
The Colbert ReportS5 Sign Off - Shofar Goodnight
Stephen says goodnight with his shofar.
The Colbert ReportS5 Shai Agassi
Shai Agassi explains his electric car network that's modeled after cell phone plans.
The Colbert ReportS5 Tip/Wag - Guns on Amtrak, Fake Lesbians & Battleship Audition
The Senate allows guns on Amtrak trains, fake lesbians push products, and Stephen auditions for "Battleship" with Jeff Goldblum.
The Colbert ReportS5 Atone Phone - Jon Stewart Calls to Apologize
Jon calls 1-888-MOSS-LEW to apologize for not having paid for his bed of moss yet.
The Colbert ReportS5 Intro - 9/22/09
The Senate votes to allow guns on trains, and Shai Agassi wants us all to drive electric cars.
The Colbert ReportS5 Atone Phone - Emmy Awards
Stephen wants every Jewish member of the television academy to call and beg for forgiveness, which he will then deliver in the form of an acceptance speech.
The Colbert ReportS5 Capitalism's Enemy - Michael Moore
Michael Moore fights capitalism and urges Senate Democrats to stand up for health care reform.
The Colbert ReportS5 Tom DeLay Dances With the Stars
Tom DeLay looked so happy on the floor of "Dancing With the Stars" you'd think he'd just been arrested on charges of corruption.
The Colbert ReportS5 AJ Jacobs
AJ Jacobs' life experiments include following all the rules of the Bible, trying to be the most rational person alive and radical honesty.
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