The Colbert Report
Intro - 3/9/11
Season 7 • 03/09/2011
Antonin Scalia will know if Clarence Thomas has a conflict of interest.
Sign Off - Welcome Zoe Simone SanchezThe Colbert ReportS7
Stephen is sure Zoe Simone Sanchez is wearing a limited edition Vera Wang onesie.
Dan SinkerThe Colbert ReportS7
Dan Sinker questions the sanity of anyone who actually thought he was Rahm Emanuel on Twitter.
Happy Mardi Gras & International Women's DayThe Colbert ReportS7
Stephen celebrates women's regrettable self-exposure and their achievements on Mardi Gras Day.
Charlie Sheen & Fake Rahm Emanuel on TwitterThe Colbert ReportS7
Charlie Sheen gets a new gig as Twitter overlord, and the fake Rahm Emanuel is unmasked.
Light Bulb BanThe Colbert ReportS7
The socket huggers claim that pigtail bulbs last up to 10 years, but they haven't considered how the efficient lights will affect the joke-telling industry.
Bench Press - Anthony WeinerThe Colbert ReportS7
Anthony Weiner wants to ensure that the Supreme Court upholds a standard of ethics by asking Clarence Thomas to recuse himself from health care cases.
David BrooksThe Colbert ReportS7
David Brooks describes the way unconscious emotions affect people's decisions and values.
Stephen Gives Up Catholicism for LentThe Colbert ReportS7
Giving up Catholicism for Lent shows Stephen's devotion to the great religion that he no longer practices.
Bench PressThe Colbert ReportS7
If every Supreme Court justice had to recuse themselves over a conflict of interest, we would never see John Roberts' NASCAR robe.
Sign Off - Jewish StephenThe Colbert ReportS7
Now that Stephen is Jewish, he is legally obligated to tell you to call your mother.
Intro - 3/9/11The Colbert ReportS7
Clarence Thomas may have a conflict of interest, and Stephen hopes David Brooks' book, "The Social Animal," is about a hamster on Facebook.
Sign Off - Enjoy the MomentThe Colbert ReportS7
Stephen wants everyone to take a deep breath and enjoy the moment.
Newt Gingrich Wants to Screw AmericaThe Colbert ReportS7
Newt Gingrich only cheated on his wives because he's so passionate about America.
Colbert PAC AdThe Colbert ReportS7
Stephen launches ColbertPAC.com with his very own high-budget promotional video.
Peter King Understands Violent RadicalismThe Colbert ReportS7
Tennessee fights back against Sharia law, and Peter King holds a hearing to investigate radical American Muslims.
Colbert PAC AdThe Colbert ReportS7
Stephen shows support for Tim Pawlenty's courage to stand next to Scott Walker with a patriotic message.
Intro - 3/10/11The Colbert ReportS7
Al Qaeda recruits Americans, and Reza Aslan will talk about the Islamic-American experience if he makes it past Stephen's security.
Reza AslanThe Colbert ReportS7
Reza Aslan thinks Peter King's hearings to investigate Muslim radicalization are a useless enterprise.
Intro - 3/21/11The Colbert ReportS7
The escalating conflict in Libya means good news for troops, Stephen's self-portrait goes up for auction, and Steve Martin does some bluegrass.
Raging Art-On - Art 1The Colbert ReportS7
Stephen talks to Simon de Pury and checks out the competition at the Phillips de Pury Gallery.
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