The Colbert Report
Season 5 • 03/10/2009
Stephen is an unwilling party to your sick three-way.
The Word - Locked and LoathedThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen longs for a day when gun owners no longer have to hide their relationships with their concealed weapons.
Intro - 3/9/09The Colbert ReportS5
If Stacy drugged Rex's drink, who is going to perform Felicia's brain surgery?
Sleep Tight, AbrahamThe Colbert ReportS5
Sleep tight, Abraham. You've got a big day tomorrow.
Lisa HanniganThe Colbert ReportS5
Lisa Hannigan sewed the cover, liner notes and lyrics of her album "Sea Sew."
New Baby Abraham Carter GroszThe Colbert ReportS5
Any script, teleplay or offspring generated by an employee of The Colbert Report is the intellectual property of Stephen Colbert.
Jay KeaslingThe Colbert ReportS5
Jay Keasling says the same yeast that we use to produce beer and bread will soon be fueling our cars and planes.
Space Module: Colbert - William GerstenmaierThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen asks William Gerstenmaier to commit to naming the space module "Colbert," if he wins the online vote.
Conservative Rap Battle - Droppin' Science on Michael SteeleThe Colbert ReportS5
Michael Steele may not have seen "8 Mile," but a key part of every rap battle is showing up to the rap battle.
Coffee-Induced HallucinationsThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen should have never bought M. Night Shyamalan coffee.
Intro - 3/10/09The Colbert ReportS5
Republican Party Chairman Michael Steele is in trouble -- his punishment: being chairman of the Republican Party.
Sick Three-WayThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen is an unwilling party to your sick three-way, and he'll see you in court.
The Word - Rand IllusionThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen wants to live on an island with the CEOs, hedge fund managers, House Republicans and TV pundits.
Stephen's EncoreThe Colbert ReportS5
If you clap for 23.5 hours straight, Stephen will come back for an encore.
Intro - 3/11/09The Colbert ReportS5
Republicans turn to a classic novel for inspiration -- 'It was the worst of times, it was the worster of times.'
Howard FinemanThe Colbert ReportS5
Howard Fineman believes Americans were born and bred to argue.
Cheating Death - Legal, Sweat & Pre-Natal HealthThe Colbert ReportS5
For those who want custom babies, but can't afford designer prices, Prescott introduces the Build-A-Baby Workshop.
Earmarks Abuse Ends TomorrowThe Colbert ReportS5
Obama announces the end of earmarks abuse, and then signs an appropriations bill containing nearly 9,000 earmarks.
Intro - 3/12/09The Colbert ReportS5
Guess where Stephen's face is showing up now -- besides your grilled cheese sandwiches.
Mahmoud's Non-Consensual Endorsement DealThe Colbert ReportS5
If Iran is going to use Stephen to sell products he hasn't endorsed over there, he'll use Mahmoud Ahmadinejad to sell products over here.
Craziest F#?king Thing I've Ever Heard - Barreleye FishThe Colbert ReportS5
National Geographic releases footage of a fish that has a see-through head and twitching green sacks of goo for eyes.
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