The Colbert Report

Not a Sex Scandal

Season 3 • 01/09/2007

Archbishop Wielgus may have talked to the secret police, but he did not molest them.

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03:16

The Gallotastic Executacular - Hangin' With Mr. Hussein
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen is upset that Saddam Hussein was executed while Stephen was on vacation, especially as he was already planning a 30-minute special for it.
01/08/2007
05:51

Ethan Nadelmann
The Colbert ReportS3

Director of the Drug Policy Alliance Ethan Nadelmann argues to legalize marijuana to reduce America's prison population.
01/08/2007
00:29

Intro - 1/8/07
The Colbert ReportS3

In this episode, Stephen discusses Saddam Hussein's execution, welcomes the new Democratic Congress and interviews Drug Policy Alliance Chair Ethan Nadelmann.
01/08/2007
04:58

The Word - Facts
The Colbert ReportS3

Since the Democrat's version of reality is unfortunately based on reality, Stephen wants to fight facts with "facts."
01/08/2007
00:31

Intro - 1/9/07
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen tells Boy Scout Council 289 to pack their bags, and wonders why celebrities can't fight to the death.
01/09/2007
01:55

Sign Off - Farewell, James Brown
The Colbert ReportS3

Though it's sad to lose the Godfather of Soul, there is a silver lining for Stephen.
01/09/2007
06:18

Jim Cramer
The Colbert ReportS3

Jim Cramer tells Stephen how to get the most out of watching his show.
01/09/2007
01:11

Ohio State Loses
The Colbert ReportS3

The Florida Gators don't care what kind of message they're sending to America's enemies.
01/09/2007
03:51

The Word - Texas Hold 'Em
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen has advice for the president: send everyone to Iraq. Americans need to sacrifice more.
01/09/2007
04:54

We the Mediator - Celebrity Feuds
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen picks sides in celebrity fights between Rosie O'Donnell and Donald Trump, Madonna and Angelina Jolie, and Amitabh Bachchan and Shahrukh Khan.
01/09/2007
01:24

Not a Sex Scandal
The Colbert ReportS3

On behalf of Catholics everywhere, Stephen thanks Archbishop Wielgus for merely selling out his peers to a godless, totalitarian regime.
01/09/2007
05:57

David Kamp
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen and David Kamp discuss the fancy-pantsification of American food.
01/10/2007
01:49

President's Speech
The Colbert ReportS3

Watching President Bush address the nation is like hanging out with your best bud.
01/10/2007
03:56

The Word - Worry
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen wants to delicately remove Missouri and replace it with a stronger heartland: Texas.
01/10/2007
02:06

Invasion of the Country Snatchers
The Colbert ReportS3

Winning baby contests is what illegal immigrants are leaving their families and risking their lives to come here for.
01/10/2007
00:30

Intro - 1/10/07
The Colbert ReportS3

The red states may be turning blue, Tek Jansen has a new adventure, and America's taste in food is getting fancier.
01/10/2007
00:17

Sign Off - Thawing Meat
The Colbert ReportS3

Never thaw meat, poultry and fish products on the counter or in the sink without cold water.
01/10/2007
05:23

Tek Jansen - Hounds of Hell: Ragtime Billy Peaches
The Colbert ReportS3

In this episode, Tek Jansen is mysteriously teleported to the combatosphere orbiting over Asteroid Z.
01/10/2007
03:28

What Number Is Stephen Thinking Of? - Doubled Up
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen reminds his viewers that just because the numbers on the board are between one and five hundred, that doesn't mean the number he's thinking of is.
01/11/2007
04:02

Tip/Wag - Science and Technology
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen is outraged by the iPhone unless he gets one for free.
01/11/2007
06:48

Judy Woodruff
The Colbert ReportS3

Judy Woodruff talks about her new PBS documentary on Generation Next and grills Stephen on his tattoos.
01/11/2007
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