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The Colbert Report
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The Colbert Report
Christopher Caldwell
Season 5 • 11/11/2009
Christopher Caldwell explains how Muslim immigrants are slowly changing Europe.
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00:03
Sign Off - Goodnight
The Colbert Report
S5
Stephen says goodnight.
11/09/2009
00:09
Sign Off - You Can't Take It With You
The Colbert Report
S5
You can't take it with you, but you can lick it so no one else takes it when you're gone.
11/10/2009
00:30
Intro - 11/10/09
The Colbert Report
S5
The Iranian revolution celebrates 30 years, and Stephen assumes Maria Shriver's new charity is California.
11/10/2009
02:21
Barney Frank Is Not a Great Outdoorsman
The Colbert Report
S5
Just because Barney Frank authored a bill to legalize medical marijuana doesn't mean he could recognize a pot plant.
11/10/2009
05:17
Maria Shriver
The Colbert Report
S5
Maria Shriver feeds Stephen Lovin' Scoopful, her new ice cream that benefits Special Olympics.
11/10/2009
06:51
Iraniversary - Karim Sadjadpour
The Colbert Report
S5
Karim Sadjadpour describes Iranian math superstar Mahmoud Vahidnia's unprecedented act of challenging Iran's supreme leader, Ayatollah Khomeini.
11/10/2009
00:17
Sign Off - Stephen's Fight With Christopher Caldwell
The Colbert Report
S5
The show went well except for the violent fistfight Stephen had with Christopher Caldwell that had to be edited out.
11/11/2009
05:23
Grover the Hill
The Colbert Report
S5
America's most insidious socialist brainwashing program, "Sesame Street," celebrates its 40th anniversary and introduces Pox News.
11/11/2009
02:39
Goldman Sachs Does God's Work
The Colbert Report
S5
Despite collecting the highest salary on Wall Street, Goldman Sachs CEO Lloyd Blankfein never forgets he's a blue-collar guy doing God's work.
11/11/2009
04:13
Tip/Wag - San Francisco Chronicle & George Clinton
The Colbert Report
S5
The San Francisco Chronicle prints on glossy paper, and the 6th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals rules in favor of George Clinton.
11/11/2009
06:22
Christopher Caldwell
The Colbert Report
S5
Christopher Caldwell says unassimilated Muslim immigrants have disrupted European relations between ethnic groups and the sexes.
11/11/2009
02:24
Stephen Claims Lou Dobbs' Audience
The Colbert Report
S5
In punditry, like in "Highlander," there can be only one Lou Dobbs, so Stephen claims his audience after Dobbs quits CNN.
11/12/2009
01:26
Sign Off - Stephen Shaves Woody's Head
The Colbert Report
S5
Stephen shaves Woody Harrelson's head while they both sing "The Star-Spangled Banner."
11/12/2009
03:46
The Word - The Money Shot
The Colbert Report
S5
If we want to save the U.S. dollar, we should peg it to America's most precious metal of all: lead.
11/12/2009
01:24
Miracle Whip Buys Ad Space
The Colbert Report
S5
Stephen is going to buy more delicious mayonnaise with the money from Miracle Whip's advertising.
11/12/2009
04:07
Sport Report - Cricket Scandal & Letter-Writing Campaign
The Colbert Report
S5
A cricket coach encourages his players to have sex before matches, and Stephen starts his Canadian "Don't Be an Ice-Hole" letter-writing campaign.
11/12/2009
06:01
Woody Harrelson
The Colbert Report
S5
Woody Harrelson shows his support for the troops by allowing Stephen to shave his head.
11/12/2009
03:32
Alpha Dog of the Week - Joe Perry
The Colbert Report
S5
Joe Perry has always been the face of Aerosmith -- you just might not know it because his hair is often in the way.
11/16/2009
00:31
Intro - 11/16/09
The Colbert Report
S5
Aerosmith breaks up to pursue separate nursing homes, and Paul Goldberger discusses Stephen's favorite architect, Mike Brady.
11/16/2009
05:49
The Word - Skeletons in the Closet
The Colbert Report
S5
How is the governor of Rhode Island supposed to rest in peace knowing that a couple of plots over two dudes are being gay dead?
11/16/2009
00:19
Sign Off - Good Morning, Burma
The Colbert Report
S5
Stephen says good morning to anybody watching from Burma, and congratulations on owning a TV.
11/16/2009
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