The Colbert Report
Season 5 • 11/11/2009
Christopher Caldwell explains how Muslim immigrants are slowly changing Europe.
Sign Off - You Can't Take It With YouThe Colbert ReportS5
You can't take it with you, but you can lick it so no one else takes it when you're gone.
Intro - 11/10/09The Colbert ReportS5
The Iranian revolution celebrates 30 years, and Stephen assumes Maria Shriver's new charity is California.
Barney Frank Is Not a Great OutdoorsmanThe Colbert ReportS5
Just because Barney Frank authored a bill to legalize medical marijuana doesn't mean he could recognize a pot plant.
Maria ShriverThe Colbert ReportS5
Maria Shriver feeds Stephen Lovin' Scoopful, her new ice cream that benefits Special Olympics.
Iraniversary - Karim SadjadpourThe Colbert ReportS5
Karim Sadjadpour describes Iranian math superstar Mahmoud Vahidnia's unprecedented act of challenging Iran's supreme leader, Ayatollah Khomeini.
Sign Off - Stephen's Fight With Christopher CaldwellThe Colbert ReportS5
The show went well except for the violent fistfight Stephen had with Christopher Caldwell that had to be edited out.
Grover the HillThe Colbert ReportS5
America's most insidious socialist brainwashing program, "Sesame Street," celebrates its 40th anniversary and introduces Pox News.
Goldman Sachs Does God's WorkThe Colbert ReportS5
Despite collecting the highest salary on Wall Street, Goldman Sachs CEO Lloyd Blankfein never forgets he's a blue-collar guy doing God's work.
Tip/Wag - San Francisco Chronicle & George ClintonThe Colbert ReportS5
The San Francisco Chronicle prints on glossy paper, and the 6th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals rules in favor of George Clinton.
Christopher CaldwellThe Colbert ReportS5
Christopher Caldwell says unassimilated Muslim immigrants have disrupted European relations between ethnic groups and the sexes.
Stephen Claims Lou Dobbs' AudienceThe Colbert ReportS5
In punditry, like in "Highlander," there can be only one Lou Dobbs, so Stephen claims his audience after Dobbs quits CNN.
Sign Off - Stephen Shaves Woody's HeadThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen shaves Woody Harrelson's head while they both sing "The Star-Spangled Banner."
The Word - The Money ShotThe Colbert ReportS5
If we want to save the U.S. dollar, we should peg it to America's most precious metal of all: lead.
Miracle Whip Buys Ad SpaceThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen is going to buy more delicious mayonnaise with the money from Miracle Whip's advertising.
Sport Report - Cricket Scandal & Letter-Writing CampaignThe Colbert ReportS5
A cricket coach encourages his players to have sex before matches, and Stephen starts his Canadian "Don't Be an Ice-Hole" letter-writing campaign.
Woody HarrelsonThe Colbert ReportS5
Woody Harrelson shows his support for the troops by allowing Stephen to shave his head.
Alpha Dog of the Week - Joe PerryThe Colbert ReportS5
Joe Perry has always been the face of Aerosmith -- you just might not know it because his hair is often in the way.
Intro - 11/16/09The Colbert ReportS5
Aerosmith breaks up to pursue separate nursing homes, and Paul Goldberger discusses Stephen's favorite architect, Mike Brady.
The Word - Skeletons in the ClosetThe Colbert ReportS5
How is the governor of Rhode Island supposed to rest in peace knowing that a couple of plots over two dudes are being gay dead?
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