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The Colbert Report
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The Colbert Report
Christopher Caldwell
Season 5 • 11/11/2009
Christopher Caldwell explains how Muslim immigrants are slowly changing Europe.
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00:03
The Colbert Report
S5
Sign Off - Goodnight
Stephen says goodnight.
11/09/2009
00:09
The Colbert Report
S5
Sign Off - You Can't Take It With You
You can't take it with you, but you can lick it so no one else takes it when you're gone.
11/10/2009
00:30
The Colbert Report
S5
Intro - 11/10/09
The Iranian revolution celebrates 30 years, and Stephen assumes Maria Shriver's new charity is California.
11/10/2009
02:21
The Colbert Report
S5
Barney Frank Is Not a Great Outdoorsman
Just because Barney Frank authored a bill to legalize medical marijuana doesn't mean he could recognize a pot plant.
11/10/2009
05:17
The Colbert Report
S5
Maria Shriver
Maria Shriver feeds Stephen Lovin' Scoopful, her new ice cream that benefits Special Olympics.
11/10/2009
06:51
The Colbert Report
S5
Iraniversary - Karim Sadjadpour
Karim Sadjadpour describes Iranian math superstar Mahmoud Vahidnia's unprecedented act of challenging Iran's supreme leader, Ayatollah Khomeini.
11/10/2009
00:17
The Colbert Report
S5
Sign Off - Stephen's Fight With Christopher Caldwell
The show went well except for the violent fistfight Stephen had with Christopher Caldwell that had to be edited out.
11/11/2009
05:23
The Colbert Report
S5
Grover the Hill
America's most insidious socialist brainwashing program, "Sesame Street," celebrates its 40th anniversary and introduces Pox News.
11/11/2009
02:39
The Colbert Report
S5
Goldman Sachs Does God's Work
Despite collecting the highest salary on Wall Street, Goldman Sachs CEO Lloyd Blankfein never forgets he's a blue-collar guy doing God's work.
11/11/2009
04:13
The Colbert Report
S5
Tip/Wag - San Francisco Chronicle & George Clinton
The San Francisco Chronicle prints on glossy paper, and the 6th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals rules in favor of George Clinton.
11/11/2009
06:22
The Colbert Report
S5
Christopher Caldwell
Christopher Caldwell says unassimilated Muslim immigrants have disrupted European relations between ethnic groups and the sexes.
11/11/2009
02:24
The Colbert Report
S5
Stephen Claims Lou Dobbs' Audience
In punditry, like in "Highlander," there can be only one Lou Dobbs, so Stephen claims his audience after Dobbs quits CNN.
11/12/2009
01:26
The Colbert Report
S5
Sign Off - Stephen Shaves Woody's Head
Stephen shaves Woody Harrelson's head while they both sing "The Star-Spangled Banner."
11/12/2009
03:46
The Colbert Report
S5
The Word - The Money Shot
If we want to save the U.S. dollar, we should peg it to America's most precious metal of all: lead.
11/12/2009
01:24
The Colbert Report
S5
Miracle Whip Buys Ad Space
Stephen is going to buy more delicious mayonnaise with the money from Miracle Whip's advertising.
11/12/2009
04:07
The Colbert Report
S5
Sport Report - Cricket Scandal & Letter-Writing Campaign
A cricket coach encourages his players to have sex before matches, and Stephen starts his Canadian "Don't Be an Ice-Hole" letter-writing campaign.
11/12/2009
06:01
The Colbert Report
S5
Woody Harrelson
Woody Harrelson shows his support for the troops by allowing Stephen to shave his head.
11/12/2009
03:32
The Colbert Report
S5
Alpha Dog of the Week - Joe Perry
Joe Perry has always been the face of Aerosmith -- you just might not know it because his hair is often in the way.
11/16/2009
00:31
The Colbert Report
S5
Intro - 11/16/09
Aerosmith breaks up to pursue separate nursing homes, and Paul Goldberger discusses Stephen's favorite architect, Mike Brady.
11/16/2009
05:49
The Colbert Report
S5
The Word - Skeletons in the Closet
How is the governor of Rhode Island supposed to rest in peace knowing that a couple of plots over two dudes are being gay dead?
11/16/2009
00:19
The Colbert Report
S5
Sign Off - Good Morning, Burma
Stephen says good morning to anybody watching from Burma, and congratulations on owning a TV.
11/16/2009
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Cursed Friends
This Game of M.A.S.H. Is a Real Monster in Cursed Friends
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10/10/2022