The Colbert Report

Human Sacrifice Channel

Season 5 • 10/07/2009

Stephen pays $350 a month for cable, but he doesn't get the Human Sacrifice Channel.

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05:46

The Colbert ReportS5
The Word - Learning Is Fundamental

As a fifth grader and small businessman, Andy Gellman has to think about how longer school hours will affect the economy.
10/05/2009
03:28

The Colbert ReportS5
John Darnielle

John Darnielle discusses his cheerfully desolate song lyrics and his respect for suicidal mountain goats.
10/06/2009
04:32

The Colbert ReportS5
Formula 401: A Star Is Born

Your baby can look like whichever celebrity Stephen impersonates while creating Formula 401: A Star Is Born.
10/06/2009
01:09

The Colbert ReportS5
New Swine Flu Vaccine Drops

The swine flu vaccine shoots straight to the top of the vaccine charts, blowing away Japanese encephalitis.
10/06/2009
07:10

The Colbert ReportS5
The Road Ahead in Afghanistan - Lara Logan

As President Obama decides how to move forward in Afghanistan, Lara Logan explains the goals of Al Qaeda and the Taliban.
10/06/2009
00:38

The Colbert ReportS5
Intro - 10/7/09

Doctors invent a radical new surgery, and Alison Gopnik says babies can help us understand deep philosophical questions.
10/07/2009
02:31

The Colbert ReportS5
Craziest F#?king Thing I've Ever Heard - Eye Tooth

Doctors enable a blind woman to see again by jamming her own tooth into her eye.
10/07/2009
00:38

The Colbert ReportS5
Sign Off - Jasper T. Jowls

Stephen accidentally lapses into his old routine as the voice of an animatronic banjo dog at Chuck E. Cheese's.
10/07/2009
05:45

The Colbert ReportS5
Tip/Wag - Conservapedia, Louvre & Honda Unicycle

Stephen wants to be a biblical figure on Conservapedia, the Louvre announces its plans to install a McDonald's, and Honda introduces a unicycle of the future.
10/07/2009
06:40

The Colbert ReportS5
Alison Gopnik

Alison Gopnik says babies are already as smart as they can be and have incredibly powerful ways of learning about the world.
10/07/2009
03:37

The Colbert ReportS5
Human Sacrifice Channel

What kind of cable package does Samuel Alito have that he can watch the Human Sacrifice Channel, and why can't Stephen get it?
10/07/2009
02:52

The Colbert ReportS5
Kevin the Iranian Intern

An Iranian nuclear scientist defects to the U.S., and Stephen introduces his new intern, Kevin.
10/08/2009
04:04

The Colbert ReportS5
Sport Report - Rush Limbaugh & Ted Williams' Frozen Head

Rush Limbaugh makes a bid to buy the St. Louis Rams, and cryogenics employees play baseball with Ted Williams' frozen head.
10/08/2009
04:34

The Colbert ReportS5
Colin Beavan

Colin Beavan spent a year making no environmental impact in the hope of finding a way to live that's better for the planet.
10/08/2009
06:58

The Colbert ReportS5
Bend It Like Beck

Stephen understands what Glenn Beck is going through when the media doubts his sincerity.
10/08/2009
00:35

The Colbert ReportS5
Intro - 10/8/09

The media attacks Glenn Beck, Rush Limbaugh may buy a football team, and Colin Beavan makes no environmental impact.
10/08/2009
00:15

The Colbert ReportS5
Sign Off - Buddy System

Stephen wants you to pair up until he sees you again in 72 hours.
10/08/2009
00:34

The Colbert ReportS5
Happy Columbus Day

In exchange for spices from the West Indies, Christopher Columbus gave the natives discount mattresses and smallpox.
10/12/2009
05:59

The Colbert ReportS5
Fallback Position - James Blake

James Blake overcomes Stephen's total lack of athletic ability to transform him into a tennis champion.
10/12/2009
07:17

The Colbert ReportS5
War of Peace - Shashi Tharoor

Shashi Tharoor believes President Obama deserves the Nobel Peace Prize for giving hope to people around the world.
10/12/2009
02:23

The Colbert ReportS5
Exclusive - Tennis Lesson With James Blake

Stephen learns that tennis is an anything goes free-for-all where deuce is good and love is bad.
10/12/2009
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