The Colbert Report

Human Sacrifice Channel

Season 5 • 10/07/2009

Stephen pays $350 a month for cable, but he doesn't get the Human Sacrifice Channel.

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05:46

The Word - Learning Is Fundamental
The Colbert ReportS5

As a fifth grader and small businessman, Andy Gellman has to think about how longer school hours will affect the economy.
10/05/2009
03:28

John Darnielle
The Colbert ReportS5

John Darnielle discusses his cheerfully desolate song lyrics and his respect for suicidal mountain goats.
10/06/2009
04:32

Formula 401: A Star Is Born
The Colbert ReportS5

Your baby can look like whichever celebrity Stephen impersonates while creating Formula 401: A Star Is Born.
10/06/2009
01:09

New Swine Flu Vaccine Drops
The Colbert ReportS5

The swine flu vaccine shoots straight to the top of the vaccine charts, blowing away Japanese encephalitis.
10/06/2009
07:10

The Road Ahead in Afghanistan - Lara Logan
The Colbert ReportS5

As President Obama decides how to move forward in Afghanistan, Lara Logan explains the goals of Al Qaeda and the Taliban.
10/06/2009
00:38

Intro - 10/7/09
The Colbert ReportS5

Doctors invent a radical new surgery, and Alison Gopnik says babies can help us understand deep philosophical questions.
10/07/2009
02:31

Craziest F#?king Thing I've Ever Heard - Eye Tooth
The Colbert ReportS5

Doctors enable a blind woman to see again by jamming her own tooth into her eye.
10/07/2009
00:38

Sign Off - Jasper T. Jowls
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen accidentally lapses into his old routine as the voice of an animatronic banjo dog at Chuck E. Cheese's.
10/07/2009
05:45

Tip/Wag - Conservapedia, Louvre & Honda Unicycle
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen wants to be a biblical figure on Conservapedia, the Louvre announces its plans to install a McDonald's, and Honda introduces a unicycle of the future.
10/07/2009
06:40

Alison Gopnik
The Colbert ReportS5

Alison Gopnik says babies are already as smart as they can be and have incredibly powerful ways of learning about the world.
10/07/2009
03:37

Human Sacrifice Channel
The Colbert ReportS5

What kind of cable package does Samuel Alito have that he can watch the Human Sacrifice Channel, and why can't Stephen get it?
10/07/2009
02:52

Kevin the Iranian Intern
The Colbert ReportS5

An Iranian nuclear scientist defects to the U.S., and Stephen introduces his new intern, Kevin.
10/08/2009
04:04

Sport Report - Rush Limbaugh & Ted Williams' Frozen Head
The Colbert ReportS5

Rush Limbaugh makes a bid to buy the St. Louis Rams, and cryogenics employees play baseball with Ted Williams' frozen head.
10/08/2009
04:34

Colin Beavan
The Colbert ReportS5

Colin Beavan spent a year making no environmental impact in the hope of finding a way to live that's better for the planet.
10/08/2009
06:58

Bend It Like Beck
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen understands what Glenn Beck is going through when the media doubts his sincerity.
10/08/2009
00:35

Intro - 10/8/09
The Colbert ReportS5

The media attacks Glenn Beck, Rush Limbaugh may buy a football team, and Colin Beavan makes no environmental impact.
10/08/2009
00:15

Sign Off - Buddy System
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen wants you to pair up until he sees you again in 72 hours.
10/08/2009
00:34

Happy Columbus Day
The Colbert ReportS5

In exchange for spices from the West Indies, Christopher Columbus gave the natives discount mattresses and smallpox.
10/12/2009
05:59

Fallback Position - James Blake
The Colbert ReportS5

James Blake overcomes Stephen's total lack of athletic ability to transform him into a tennis champion.
10/12/2009
07:17

War of Peace - Shashi Tharoor
The Colbert ReportS5

Shashi Tharoor believes President Obama deserves the Nobel Peace Prize for giving hope to people around the world.
10/12/2009
00:18

Sign Off - Thanks to the Guests
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen thanks Shashi Tharoor, James Blake and Sanjay Gupta for being his guests.
10/12/2009
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