The Colbert Report

Intro - 5/14/09

Season 5 • 05/14/2009

Miss California gets to keep her crown, and Donald Trump gets to keep whatever's on his head.

More

Watching

description unavailable
00:28

Intro - 5/13/09
The Colbert ReportS5

The government has a new method for funding health care, and Michael Pollan defends food.
05/13/2009
description unavailable
04:49

Stephen's Coke Party Protest
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen is already twitching with excitement over his Coke-fueled party to protest the soda tax.
05/13/2009
description unavailable
06:17

Colbert Platinum - $1,000 Dishes
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen's $1,000 omelet, $1,000 pizza and $1,000 sundae were worth every cent he didn't pay.
05/13/2009
description unavailable
02:05

Robert Gibbs Hates Ringing Cell Phones
The Colbert ReportS5

Ringing cell phones distract from the illumination of Press Secretary Robert Gibbs' White House briefing.
05/13/2009
description unavailable
05:18

Michael Pollan
The Colbert ReportS5

Michael Pollan advises that the best food to eat is anything with less than five ingredients in it.
05/13/2009
description unavailable
00:12

Stephen Colbert Is Awesome
The Colbert ReportS5

If you didn't notice tonight's theme, it was "Stephen Colbert is awesome."
05/13/2009
description unavailable
05:03

Yahweh or No Way - Father Cutie & Miss California
The Colbert ReportS5

God wants priests to be celibate, and Miss California, Carrie Prejean, might be the second coming.
05/14/2009
description unavailable
01:26

Caveman Porn Stash
The Colbert ReportS5

German archaeologists discover a caveman's porn sculpture 35,000 years after he dies.
05/14/2009
description unavailable
03:41

DonorsChoose.org Donations
The Colbert ReportS5

The five branches of the military are in a tight race for your donations, and kids from the schools you're funding send Stephen their art.
05/14/2009
description unavailable
05:00

Yusuf
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen calls Yusuf a coward while telling him he loves him at the same time.
05/14/2009
description unavailable
00:31

Intro - 5/14/09
The Colbert ReportS5

Donald Trump allows Miss California to keep her crown, the DonorsChoose competition continues, and Yusuf performs.
05/14/2009
description unavailable
04:53

The Word - Tough Cell
The Colbert ReportS5

Instead of putting Al Qaeda terrorists in our neighborhoods, we can send them to Dick Cheney's ranch.
05/18/2009
description unavailable
05:47

Meghan McCain
The Colbert ReportS5

Meghan McCain loves the Republican Party and wants to save it from the people trying to make it more extreme.
05/18/2009
description unavailable
05:24

ThreatDown - Charity, Casual Jesus & Robot Teachers
The Colbert ReportS5

The Christian Children's Fund changes its name, Jesus goes casual, and Japan unveils a scary robot teacher.
05/18/2009
description unavailable
00:31

Intro - 5/18/09
The Colbert ReportS5

Evidently, you can't leave prisoners at Gitmo, and the Christian Children's Foundation changes its name.
05/18/2009
description unavailable
00:13

Sign Off - Internal Clock
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen's internal clock is telling him it's time to go.
05/18/2009
description unavailable
02:27

Welcome to the Real World, Obama
The Colbert ReportS5

To join the conservative real world, Obama will need a magical unicorn, a dictionary and proof that global warming doesn't exist.
05/18/2009
description unavailable
01:45

Rumsfeld's Cover Letter Bible Quotes
The Colbert ReportS5

Rumsfeld put Bible quotes on his cover pages for President Bush because war briefings are a snooze without a little pizzazz.
05/19/2009
description unavailable
06:24

Walter Kirn
The Colbert ReportS5

Walter Kirn believes that putting Ivy League schools like Princeton on the web would show those attending state schools they're not inferior.
05/19/2009
description unavailable
00:09

Stephen's Show
The Colbert ReportS5

That's it for the show -- Stephen's show.
05/19/2009
description unavailable
00:32

Intro - 5/19/09
The Colbert ReportS5

Republicans find a way to make us love them again, and a Difference Maker stands up to the government.
05/19/2009
You may also like5 Videos
description unavailable
Trailer
01:00

Fires and Full Moons Breed a New Terror on Wolf Pack

A California wildfire awakens a werewolf, but a group of curious teens -- once bitten -- will not shy away from the threat of decimation on Wolf Pack, streaming January 26 on Paramount+.
10/12/2022
description unavailable
Trailer
01:41

This Game of M.A.S.H. Is a Real Monster in Cursed Friends
Cursed Friends

Four pals must break an evil spell and change their fates when a classic kid's game to predict the future comes back to haunt them in the Comedy Central original movie Cursed Friends.
10/10/2022
description unavailable
Trailer
01:22

Out of Office Explores Remote Work Absurdity
Out of Office

A young woman experiences the bizarre extremes of working from home in the film Out of Office, starring Milana Vayntrub, Ken Jeong, Jay Pharoah, Cheri Oteri, Jason Alexander and more.
09/19/2022
description unavailable
Trailer
00:35

A Front Row Seat to South Park The 25th Anniversary Concert
South ParkS25

Sing along to silly songs and classic symphonies from the show on South Park The 25th Anniversary Concert, premiering August 13 at 10/9c.
07/27/2022
description unavailable
Trailer
00:29

Diwali Gets Wild in Hot Mess Holiday
Hot Mess Holiday

Melanie Chandra and Surina Jindal embark on a zany weekend adventure during Diwali in the Comedy Central original movie Hot Mess Holiday, now streaming.
12/20/2021