The Colbert Report
Intro - 5/14/09
Season 5 • 05/14/2009
Miss California gets to keep her crown, and Donald Trump gets to keep whatever's on his head.
The Colbert ReportS5 Intro - 5/13/09
The government has a new method for funding health care, and Michael Pollan defends food.
The Colbert ReportS5 Stephen's Coke Party Protest
Stephen is already twitching with excitement over his Coke-fueled party to protest the soda tax.
The Colbert ReportS5 Colbert Platinum - $1,000 Dishes
Stephen's $1,000 omelet, $1,000 pizza and $1,000 sundae were worth every cent he didn't pay.
The Colbert ReportS5 Robert Gibbs Hates Ringing Cell Phones
Ringing cell phones distract from the illumination of Press Secretary Robert Gibbs' White House briefing.
The Colbert ReportS5 Michael Pollan
Michael Pollan advises that the best food to eat is anything with less than five ingredients in it.
The Colbert ReportS5 Stephen Colbert Is Awesome
If you didn't notice tonight's theme, it was "Stephen Colbert is awesome."
The Colbert ReportS5 Yahweh or No Way - Father Cutie & Miss California
God wants priests to be celibate, and Miss California, Carrie Prejean, might be the second coming.
The Colbert ReportS5 Caveman Porn Stash
German archaeologists discover a caveman's porn sculpture 35,000 years after he dies.
The Colbert ReportS5 DonorsChoose.org Donations
The five branches of the military are in a tight race for your donations, and kids from the schools you're funding send Stephen their art.
The Colbert ReportS5 Yusuf
Stephen calls Yusuf a coward while telling him he loves him at the same time.
The Colbert ReportS5 Intro - 5/14/09
Donald Trump allows Miss California to keep her crown, the DonorsChoose competition continues, and Yusuf performs.
The Colbert ReportS5 The Word - Tough Cell
Instead of putting Al Qaeda terrorists in our neighborhoods, we can send them to Dick Cheney's ranch.
The Colbert ReportS5 Meghan McCain
Meghan McCain loves the Republican Party and wants to save it from the people trying to make it more extreme.
The Colbert ReportS5 ThreatDown - Charity, Casual Jesus & Robot Teachers
The Christian Children's Fund changes its name, Jesus goes casual, and Japan unveils a scary robot teacher.
The Colbert ReportS5 Intro - 5/18/09
Evidently, you can't leave prisoners at Gitmo, and the Christian Children's Foundation changes its name.
The Colbert ReportS5 Sign Off - Internal Clock
Stephen's internal clock is telling him it's time to go.
The Colbert ReportS5 Welcome to the Real World, Obama
To join the conservative real world, Obama will need a magical unicorn, a dictionary and proof that global warming doesn't exist.
The Colbert ReportS5 Rumsfeld's Cover Letter Bible Quotes
Rumsfeld put Bible quotes on his cover pages for President Bush because war briefings are a snooze without a little pizzazz.
The Colbert ReportS5 Walter Kirn
Walter Kirn believes that putting Ivy League schools like Princeton on the web would show those attending state schools they're not inferior.
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