The Colbert Report
Season 3 • 04/26/2007
Stephen's turtle Stephanie loses the Great Turtle Race to Billy, a turtle tranny.
The Word - SacrificeThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen supports enlisting illegal immigrants in the war in Iraq, simultaneously bolstering our fighting forces and solving our immigration dilemma.
Sign Off - PromisesThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen doesn't want to make any promises he can't keep, but he'll see you tomorrow night.
Dead to Me - Long WarThe Colbert ReportS3
Good news -- the long war in Iraq is over! That is, the use of the phrase 'Long War' is over thanks to Admiral William J. Fallon.
Intro - 4/25/07The Colbert ReportS3
America faces a troop shortage, Stephen unleashes on pop culture, and the U.S. Comptroller General David Walker talks with Stephen about the national debt.
David WalkerThe Colbert ReportS3
Accountant David Walker warns of a 50 trillion dollar deficit and Stephen asks if his haircut can be a tax write off.
Tom WolfeThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen disagrees with new journalism because he believes people want entertaining journalism, not factual journalism.
Intro - 4/26/07The Colbert ReportS3
The U.S. Army's constructing walls in Iraq, Stephen gets to know Guam better, and author Tom Wolfe talks about journalism.
The Word - Mending WallThe Colbert ReportS3
Gated communities in Iraq -- they've been doing it Florida and the old people seem to like it.
Better Know a Protectorate - Guam - Madeleine BordalloThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen tells Guam Rep. Madeleine Bordallo that if she can't find Guam on a map of the continental U.S. that means Guam isn't part of America.
Sign Off - Yuri KuklachevThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen apologizes to Yuri Kuklachev of the Moscow Cat Circus for bringing his Rottweiler to work.
Stephanie LostThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen reminds Stephanie Colbertle the turtle to maintain her dignity after losing the Great Turtle Race.
Intro - 4/30/07The Colbert ReportS3
Scientists find a new Earth-like planet, The New York Times encourages presidential candidates to debate the environment, and guest Bill Bradley talks about oil and ice cream.
Tip/Wag - ShrekThe Colbert ReportS3
Bravo, Shrek, for encouraging our kids to do more than sit around the house all day watching 'Shrek' DVDs.
Neil deGrasse TysonThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen assumes Neil deGrasse Tyson's book, "Death By Black Hole," is a pro-capital punishment argument.
Bill BradleyThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen tells Bill Bradley he doesn't mind the old American story or being addicted to oil.
First Democratic Debate for '08The Colbert ReportS3
Stephen has a recurring nightmare where the Democrats take over the Senate and the House, and he cannot wait to wake up.
Mitt's Favorite BookThe Colbert ReportS3
Presidential hopeful Mitt Romney's favorite author is L. Ron Hubbard.
Intro - 5/1/07The Colbert ReportS3
Stephen wonders whether public radio is destroying America, Tony Stewart accuses NASCAR of fixing races, and guest Malcolm Gladwell defends making decisions without thinking.
The Word - Who Cares?The Colbert ReportS3
NASCAR driver Tony Stewart complains NASCAR is selling fiction by fixing races to appear closer than they are, but Stephen asks -- who cares?
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