The Colbert Report

Stephanie Lost

Season 3 • 04/26/2007

Stephen's turtle Stephanie loses the Great Turtle Race to Billy, a turtle tranny.

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03:10

The Word - Sacrifice
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Stephen supports enlisting illegal immigrants in the war in Iraq, simultaneously bolstering our fighting forces and solving our immigration dilemma.
04/25/2007
00:10

Sign Off - Promises
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen doesn't want to make any promises he can't keep, but he'll see you tomorrow night.
04/25/2007
04:15

Dead to Me - Long War
The Colbert ReportS3

Good news -- the long war in Iraq is over! That is, the use of the phrase 'Long War' is over thanks to Admiral William J. Fallon.
04/25/2007
00:33

Intro - 4/25/07
The Colbert ReportS3

America faces a troop shortage, Stephen unleashes on pop culture, and the U.S. Comptroller General David Walker talks with Stephen about the national debt.
04/25/2007
05:29

David Walker
The Colbert ReportS3

Accountant David Walker warns of a 50 trillion dollar deficit and Stephen asks if his haircut can be a tax write off.
04/25/2007
05:47

Tom Wolfe
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Stephen disagrees with new journalism because he believes people want entertaining journalism, not factual journalism.
04/26/2007
00:31

Intro - 4/26/07
The Colbert ReportS3

The U.S. Army's constructing walls in Iraq, Stephen gets to know Guam better, and author Tom Wolfe talks about journalism.
04/26/2007
03:48

The Word - Mending Wall
The Colbert ReportS3

Gated communities in Iraq -- they've been doing it Florida and the old people seem to like it.
04/26/2007
05:40

Better Know a Protectorate - Guam - Madeleine Bordallo
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen tells Guam Rep. Madeleine Bordallo that if she can't find Guam on a map of the continental U.S. that means Guam isn't part of America.
04/26/2007
00:13

Sign Off - Yuri Kuklachev
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen apologizes to Yuri Kuklachev of the Moscow Cat Circus for bringing his Rottweiler to work.
04/26/2007
03:30

Stephanie Lost
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen reminds Stephanie Colbertle the turtle to maintain her dignity after losing the Great Turtle Race.
04/26/2007
00:32

Intro - 4/30/07
The Colbert ReportS3

Scientists find a new Earth-like planet, The New York Times encourages presidential candidates to debate the environment, and guest Bill Bradley talks about oil and ice cream.
04/30/2007
04:36

Tip/Wag - Shrek
The Colbert ReportS3

Bravo, Shrek, for encouraging our kids to do more than sit around the house all day watching 'Shrek' DVDs.
04/30/2007
05:20

Neil deGrasse Tyson
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen assumes Neil deGrasse Tyson's book, "Death By Black Hole," is a pro-capital punishment argument.
04/30/2007
05:54

Bill Bradley
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen tells Bill Bradley he doesn't mind the old American story or being addicted to oil.
04/30/2007
03:20

First Democratic Debate for '08
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen has a recurring nightmare where the Democrats take over the Senate and the House, and he cannot wait to wake up.
04/30/2007
00:02

Sign Off - Lutefisk
The Colbert ReportS3

Goodnight. Lutefisk!
05/01/2007
01:22

Mitt's Favorite Book
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Presidential hopeful Mitt Romney's favorite author is L. Ron Hubbard.
05/01/2007
00:33

Intro - 5/1/07
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen wonders whether public radio is destroying America, Tony Stewart accuses NASCAR of fixing races, and guest Malcolm Gladwell defends making decisions without thinking.
05/01/2007
04:16

The Word - Who Cares?
The Colbert ReportS3

NASCAR driver Tony Stewart complains NASCAR is selling fiction by fixing races to appear closer than they are, but Stephen asks -- who cares?
05/01/2007
03:56

NPR Correction
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen offers a travel mug, tote bag and a book on quilting to NPR hosts to tempt them to air his inaccurate statements.
05/01/2007
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