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The Colbert Report
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The Colbert Report
Sign Off - Goodnight?
Season 5 • 10/27/2009
If this is a rerun, Brian Cox will be on today.
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Watching
05:26
The Colbert Report
S5
Cornel West
Cornel West criticizes Barack Obama out of concern for the poor and working class people.
10/26/2009
05:48
The Colbert Report
S5
The Word - Don't Ask Don't Tell
The petition signers who want to overturn the "everything but marriage" bill should be able to stay in the closet that the gay people have abandoned.
10/26/2009
05:21
The Colbert Report
S5
Stephen's Sound Advice - How to Get a Job
Once you get a job interview with Stephen's celebrity endorsement, you'll want to grow a mustache.
10/26/2009
03:13
The Colbert Report
S5
George Will's Long Tie
Stephen has to restore balance to the universe after George Will starts wearing long ties.
10/26/2009
00:15
The Colbert Report
S5
Sign Off - Don't Move
Don't move so Stephen can always remember you staring at him.
10/26/2009
04:05
The Colbert Report
S5
Colbert Platinum - Harvard Billionaires & Red Diamond SUV
Harvard produces the most billionaires, and a Russian car company releases a diamond-encrusted SUV with whale penis leather interior.
10/27/2009
00:33
The Colbert Report
S5
Intro - 10/27/09
The Catholic Church reaches out to former members, and Gail Collins talks about the modern American woman.
10/27/2009
04:57
The Colbert Report
S5
Gail Collins
Gail Collins describes the last 50 years of progress made by American women and the new issues they face today.
10/27/2009
01:44
The Colbert Report
S5
George W. Bush's Motivational Speech
Stephen would have loved to attend George W. Bush's "Get Motivated" seminar, but he couldn't afford the $4.95 admission fee.
10/27/2009
07:28
The Colbert Report
S5
Holy Water Under the Bridge - Randall Balmer
Randall Balmer refuses to join the Catholic Church because he's suspicious of any religious group that defines itself in negative terms.
10/27/2009
00:27
The Colbert Report
S5
Sign Off - Goodnight?
Brian Cox will be on tomorrow, unless this is a rerun.
10/27/2009
00:31
The Colbert Report
S5
Intro - 10/28/09
Stephen finds out what broke the largest particle accelerator and preps for his interview with Brian Cox by watching "Baby Einstein" tapes.
10/28/2009
05:48
The Colbert Report
S5
The Word - You-Genics
Your baby will never be denied health coverage for being too fat or too skinny if you mate with an insurance company CEO.
10/28/2009
01:31
The Colbert Report
S5
Joe Lieberman Is a True Independent
Joe Lieberman proves he's independent of his Connecticut constituents by opposing a public option in health care reform.
10/28/2009
01:44
The Colbert Report
S5
Sign Off - Future Stephen
Stephen will stick a fork into a toaster unless his future self comes back to stop him.
10/28/2009
06:05
The Colbert Report
S5
Brian Cox
Physicist Brian Cox, one of People Magazine's Sexiest Men Alive, discusses relativity and scientific bollocks.
10/28/2009
04:12
The Colbert Report
S5
Big Bang Theory
Physicists theorize that the Large Hadron Collider is being sabotaged from the future.
10/28/2009
01:52
The Colbert Report
S5
USA Today Slams Dirigibles
The USA Today smears the dirigible industry based on the technicality that the ships explode.
10/29/2009
00:14
The Colbert Report
S5
Sign Off - Thanks to Bill Simmons & Rosanne Cash
Put Rosanne Cash's new album on your list and drop some cash on it.
10/29/2009
05:13
The Colbert Report
S5
Bill Simmons
Bill Simmons believes Wilt Chamberlain was gay and compares Kobe Bryant to Teen Wolf.
10/29/2009
00:30
The Colbert Report
S5
Intro - 10/29/09
Gitmo prisoners may have been tortured with rock music, and Bill Simmons talks about his 700-page book on basketball.
10/29/2009
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Awkwafina is Nora from Queens
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Awkwafina is Nora from Queens Really Goes for It on Season 3
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A Familiar Face Returns in Teen Wolf: The Movie
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Cursed Friends
This Game of M.A.S.H. Is a Real Monster in Cursed Friends
Four pals must break an evil spell and change their fates when a classic kid's game to predict the future comes back to haunt them in the Comedy Central original movie Cursed Friends.
10/10/2022