The Colbert Report

Caveman Porn Stash

Season 5 • 05/14/2009

No one wants their porn stash found 35,000 years after they die.

More

Watching

00:28

The Colbert ReportS5
Intro - 5/13/09

The government has a new method for funding health care, and Michael Pollan defends food.
05/13/2009
04:49

The Colbert ReportS5
Stephen's Coke Party Protest

Stephen is already twitching with excitement over his Coke-fueled party to protest the soda tax.
05/13/2009
06:17

The Colbert ReportS5
Colbert Platinum - $1,000 Dishes

Stephen's $1,000 omelet, $1,000 pizza and $1,000 sundae were worth every cent he didn't pay.
05/13/2009
02:05

The Colbert ReportS5
Robert Gibbs Hates Ringing Cell Phones

Ringing cell phones distract from the illumination of Press Secretary Robert Gibbs' White House briefing.
05/13/2009
05:18

The Colbert ReportS5
Michael Pollan

Michael Pollan advises that the best food to eat is anything with less than five ingredients in it.
05/13/2009
00:12

The Colbert ReportS5
Stephen Colbert Is Awesome

If you didn't notice tonight's theme, it was "Stephen Colbert is awesome."
05/13/2009
05:03

The Colbert ReportS5
Yahweh or No Way - Father Cutie & Miss California

God wants priests to be celibate, and Miss California, Carrie Prejean, might be the second coming.
05/14/2009
03:41

The Colbert ReportS5
DonorsChoose.org Donations

The five branches of the military are in a tight race for your donations, and kids from the schools you're funding send Stephen their art.
05/14/2009
00:31

The Colbert ReportS5
Intro - 5/14/09

Donald Trump allows Miss California to keep her crown, the DonorsChoose competition continues, and Yusuf performs.
05/14/2009
05:00

The Colbert ReportS5
Yusuf

Stephen calls Yusuf a coward while telling him he loves him at the same time.
05/14/2009
01:26

The Colbert ReportS5
Caveman Porn Stash

German archaeologists discover a caveman's porn sculpture 35,000 years after he dies.
05/14/2009
04:53

The Colbert ReportS5
The Word - Tough Cell

Instead of putting Al Qaeda terrorists in our neighborhoods, we can send them to Dick Cheney's ranch.
05/18/2009
05:47

The Colbert ReportS5
Meghan McCain

Meghan McCain loves the Republican Party and wants to save it from the people trying to make it more extreme.
05/18/2009
05:24

The Colbert ReportS5
ThreatDown - Charity, Casual Jesus & Robot Teachers

The Christian Children's Fund changes its name, Jesus goes casual, and Japan unveils a scary robot teacher.
05/18/2009
00:31

The Colbert ReportS5
Intro - 5/18/09

Evidently, you can't leave prisoners at Gitmo, and the Christian Children's Foundation changes its name.
05/18/2009
00:13

The Colbert ReportS5
Sign Off - Internal Clock

Stephen's internal clock is telling him it's time to go.
05/18/2009
02:27

The Colbert ReportS5
Welcome to the Real World, Obama

To join the conservative real world, Obama will need a magical unicorn, a dictionary and proof that global warming doesn't exist.
05/18/2009
01:45

The Colbert ReportS5
Rumsfeld's Cover Letter Bible Quotes

Rumsfeld put Bible quotes on his cover pages for President Bush because war briefings are a snooze without a little pizzazz.
05/19/2009
06:24

The Colbert ReportS5
Walter Kirn

Walter Kirn believes that putting Ivy League schools like Princeton on the web would show those attending state schools they're not inferior.
05/19/2009
00:09

The Colbert ReportS5
Stephen's Show

That's it for the show -- Stephen's show.
05/19/2009
00:32

The Colbert ReportS5
Intro - 5/19/09

Republicans find a way to make us love them again, and a Difference Maker stands up to the government.
05/19/2009
You may also like5 Videos
Trailer
01:55

RENO 911!
RENO 911!: It's a Wonderful Heist

A timeless holiday tale gets reimagined when Nevada's finest investigate the perfect crime in RENO 911! It's a Wonderful Heist, premiering December 3 at 8/7c.
11/21/2022
Trailer
01:41

Cursed Friends
This Game of M.A.S.H. Is a Real Monster in Cursed Friends

Four pals must break an evil spell and change their fates when a classic kid's game to predict the future comes back to haunt them in the Comedy Central original movie Cursed Friends.
10/10/2022
Trailer
01:22

Out of Office
Out of Office Explores Remote Work Absurdity

A young woman experiences the bizarre extremes of working from home in the film Out of Office, starring Milana Vayntrub, Ken Jeong, Jay Pharoah, Cheri Oteri, Jason Alexander and more.
09/19/2022
Trailer
00:35

South ParkS25
A Front Row Seat to South Park The 25th Anniversary Concert

Sing along to silly songs and classic symphonies from the show on South Park The 25th Anniversary Concert, premiering August 13 at 10/9c.
07/27/2022
Trailer
00:29

Hot Mess Holiday
Diwali Gets Wild in Hot Mess Holiday

Melanie Chandra and Surina Jindal embark on a zany weekend adventure during Diwali in the Comedy Central original movie Hot Mess Holiday, now streaming.
12/20/2021