The Colbert Report

Intro - 3/31/09

Season 5 • 03/31/2009

Glenn Beck embarks on a new crusade. This is your last warning, windmills.

More

Watching

03:51

Me Time - Emily Yoffe on Narcissistic Personality Disorder
The Colbert ReportS5

What's wrong with thinking that you are better than everyone else if it's the truth?
03/30/2009
00:11

30 Minute Applause
The Colbert ReportS5

Late viewers, just pretend that you applauded for Stephen for 30 minutes.
03/30/2009
00:35

Intro - 3/30/09
The Colbert ReportS5

Is narcissism hurting America? More importantly, how does Stephen's hair look?
03/30/2009
03:08

Me Time - American Narcissism
The Colbert ReportS5

We need ambition, self-confidence and extreme good looks to rebuild America.
03/30/2009
02:39

Violence in Mexico
The Colbert ReportS5

Cross border drug traffic and violence could lead to the explosion of Lou Dobbs' head.
03/30/2009
07:53

The 10.31 Project
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen wants you to ring doorbells and demand that your neighbors make a tangible commitment to America in the form of a sugary treat.
03/31/2009
01:28

Obama's Epic Dog Quest
The Colbert ReportS5

The Obamas' epic search for a dog inspired Stephen to write his own children's book.
03/31/2009
04:48

David Plotz
The Colbert ReportS5

David Plotz learned that the Bible is a lot messier than what they teach in Sunday school.
03/31/2009
00:14

Sudoku Answers
The Colbert ReportS5

Spoiler alert: Stephen has the answers to today's sudoku.
03/31/2009
05:03

Better Know a Lobby - Newspaper Association of America
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen urges John Sturm to include a porn section in online newspapers to earn extra cash.
03/31/2009
00:31

Intro - 3/31/09
The Colbert ReportS5

Glenn Beck embarks on a new crusade, and David Plotz discusses every word of the Bible.
03/31/2009
04:47

Dambisa Moyo
The Colbert ReportS5

Dambisa Moyo wants to focus on long-term growth for Africa instead of temporary solutions.
04/01/2009
00:16

Hide-and-Seek
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen ends the hide-and-seek game he forgot to finish when he was seven.
04/01/2009
05:14

The Word - Fine Line
The Colbert ReportS5

The Line index: just as meaningless as the Dow Jones, but it always goes up.
04/01/2009
00:32

Intro - 4/1/09
The Colbert ReportS5

The take-home message of this economy: there is nothing to take and you have no home.
04/01/2009
05:45

Cheating Death - Sperm Sale & Colonoscopies
The Colbert ReportS5

A sperm bank offers a clearance sale, Canadian researchers invent the PolyPill, and veterans get dirty colonoscopies.
04/01/2009
02:41

French Worker Protests
The Colbert ReportS5

Once again, Americans are going to have to show the French how it is done, just like with the mustache.
04/01/2009
00:34

Intro - 4/2/09
The Colbert ReportS5

President Obama meets with the president of Russia. The big question: what was Michelle wearing?
04/02/2009
03:19

Merriam-Webster's Word's Worth
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen won't let Merriam-Webster engayify other straight words like "drag," "bear" and "Manwich."
04/02/2009
06:26

Cold War Update - Russia, Cuba & Space
The Colbert ReportS5

Russia wants a new currency, Congress tries to lift the Cuba embargo, and Russian astronauts can't use American toilets in space.
04/02/2009
02:10

Cheney's Secret Assassination Squad
The Colbert ReportS5

It's hard to believe Dick Cheney had the time to command a secret lawless assassination squad with all the secret lawless torture.
04/02/2009
You may also like5 Videos
Trailer
01:49

"South Park: Snow Day!" Trailer
South Park

Join your favorite South Park characters as they fight for neighborhood dominance during a blizzard in "South Park: Snow Day!," available now.
03/26/2024
Trailer
00:28

Make the Most of a Day Off with "South Park: Snow Day!"
South ParkS26

Join Cartman and the neighborhood kids as they battle Stan, who has his own ideas about the rules of their fantasy game, in the "South Park: Snow Day!" video game, now available to preorder.
12/21/2023
Trailer
01:00

"Star Trek: very Short Treks" Has Lightyears of Laughs
Star Trek: very Short TreksS1

Relive the classic vibe of "Star Trek: The Animated Series," and join Riker, Spock and more Starfleet faces on the bite-sized journeys of "Star Trek: very Short Treks," now streaming.
11/22/2023
Trailer
01:00

Fires and Full Moons Breed a New Terror on Wolf Pack

A California wildfire awakens a werewolf, but a group of curious teens -- once bitten -- will not shy away from the threat of decimation on Wolf Pack, streaming January 26 on Paramount+.
10/12/2022
Trailer
01:41

This Game of M.A.S.H. Is a Real Monster in Cursed Friends
Cursed Friends

Four pals must break an evil spell and change their fates when a classic kid's game to predict the future comes back to haunt them in the Comedy Central original movie Cursed Friends.
10/10/2022