The Colbert Report

Joe Arpaio

Season 5 • 04/20/2009

Joe Arpaio says he's an equal opportunity law enforcement guy.

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06:11

The Colbert ReportS5
The Colbert Coalition's Anti-Gay Marriage Ad

There's a giant gay storm gathering, and before long the winds will be blowing each other.
04/16/2009
00:03

The Colbert ReportS5
Goodnight Salute

Goodnight, everybody.
04/16/2009
06:01

The Colbert ReportS5
Douglas Kmiec

Douglas Kmiec doesn't want the state to adopt any religion's perspective and impose it on Americans.
04/16/2009
02:11

The Colbert ReportS5
Teabagging Protests

Perverts sully the patriotic act of a taxpayer rising up, standing over his government and delivering his opinion into the mouth of power.
04/16/2009
02:52

The Colbert ReportS5
Maersk Alabama - Ken Quinn

Second Mate Ken Quinn and Stephen are returning to sea to hunt pirates in a two-man paddleboat.
04/20/2009
00:16

The Colbert ReportS5
Stephen's Only Regrets

Stephen's only regret is all the great stuff that was cut out because the audience wouldn't stop cheering.
04/20/2009
03:17

The Colbert ReportS5
Anger's Aweigh

Granting vigilantes the right to shoot pirates on the high seas is the free market at its best.
04/20/2009
03:51

The Colbert ReportS5
Tip/Wag - Texas Secession & MACA

Texas Governor Rick Perry wants to secede, and MACA urges the Obamas to use pesticides in their organic garden.
04/20/2009
00:34

The Colbert ReportS5
Intro - 4/20/09

How to deal with the scourge of piracy -- if only there were a form of transportation besides boats.
04/20/2009
01:56

The Colbert ReportS5
Castro Death Wish List

Stephen wants to force feed Castro hot dogs and make him watch "This Week with George Stephanopoulos."
04/20/2009
07:00

The Colbert ReportS5
Joe Arpaio

Sheriff Joe Arpaio denies that he focuses too much on illegal immigration.
04/20/2009
06:32

The Colbert ReportS5
The Word - Stressed Position

Americans will get justice for torture without making any of the good guys pay the price.
04/21/2009
03:12

The Colbert ReportS5
George Will's Demon Denim

George Will launches a righteous attack against Satan's denim leg tubes.
04/21/2009
03:44

The Colbert ReportS5
Who's Riding My Coattails Now? - Blown Away by the USA

Act now and receive Stephen's patriotic CD collection: "Blown Away by the USA," "Stunned by the States" and "Flabbergasted by the Flag."
04/21/2009
00:29

The Colbert ReportS5
Intro - 4/21/09

President Obama releases CIA torture memos. It's like the greatest hits of our greatest hits.
04/21/2009
05:22

The Colbert ReportS5
Mike Krzyzewski

Mike Krzyzewski differentiates between teamwork and socialism.
04/21/2009
00:17

The Colbert ReportS5
Special DVD Commentary

Stephen offers special DVD commentary for those who recorded tonight's show and burned it onto a DVD.
04/21/2009
06:00

The Colbert ReportS5
Ira Glass

Stephen wants to know if Ira Glass will be just as lifeless hosting a live cinema performance as he is on the radio.
04/22/2009
00:35

The Colbert ReportS5
Intro - 4/22/09

President Obama returns from the Summit of the Americas, and Stephen looks forward to making fun of Ira Glass' glasses.
04/22/2009
02:03

The Colbert ReportS5
"The Price Is Right" Goes Green

Stephen bids less than a dollar on environmentally friendly prizes.
04/22/2009
05:33

The Colbert ReportS5
Summit of All Fears

Esteban Colberto believes Barack Obama has bigger plantains to fry than the Summit of the Americas.
04/22/2009
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