The Colbert Report
Keep Your Friends Close
Season 5 • 02/05/2009
Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.
The Colbert ReportS5 Intro - 2/4/09
Pope Benedict reinstates a Holocaust-denying bishop. Frankly, Stephen is skeptical of the evidence that he actually reinstated him.
The Colbert ReportS5 Tell Your Friends
If you didn't like what you saw, Stephen will tell your enemies.
The Colbert ReportS5 Stephen Verbally Thrashes Steve Martin
Stephen explodes after Steve Martin walks through his eyeline.
The Colbert ReportS5 Yahweh or No Way - The Super Bowl
God helping both teams in a football game would be as impossible as loving both Christians and Muslims.
The Colbert ReportS5 Intro - 2/5/09
What's in the stimulus package? Stephen's guessing high-fructose corn syrup because that stuff is in everything.
The Colbert ReportS5 Stelephant Colbert the Elephant Seal
Stephen has a hideous elephant seal named after him.
The Colbert ReportS5 Alpha Dog of the Week - Boy Scouts of America
The Boy Scouts of America proudly raise the Scout sign and tell their own conservation code to read between the lines.
The Colbert ReportS5 Jonah Lehrer
Jonah Lehrer talks about finding a balance between the rational and the emotional in decision-making.
The Colbert ReportS5 Economic Stimulus Bill - James Surowiecki
James Surowiecki says the Democrats are using the financial crisis to push through programs that are in the long-term interest of Americans.
The Colbert ReportS5 Economic Stimulus Debate
Democrats take a page from the Republicans' fear book when selling the economic stimulus bill.
The Colbert ReportS5 Keep Your Friends Close
You can keep your enemies closer by hating yourself.
The Colbert ReportS5 Intro - 2/9/09
A married lesbian couple files for divorce and moves into separate Subaru Outbacks, and someone won a Grammy.
The Colbert ReportS5 The New Word Czar
Michael Steele navigates the subtleties of our language as he talks about the stimulus bill.
The Colbert ReportS5 Al Gore Steals Stephen's Grammy
Since Stephen's voice isn't worth a Grammy, he's going to stop talking forever.
The Colbert ReportS5 ThreatDown - Gay Divorce
A lesbian couple files for divorce on the grounds of irreconcilable sameness, and the Japanese poop gold.
The Colbert ReportS5 Shout Out - Honey, Counterterrorism & an Old Guard Flag
Stephen gets a fresh stash of pharmaceutical-grade hive jive and learns of a Counterterrorism Calendar.
The Colbert ReportS5 The Visa Black Card
Visa: it's everywhere you want to be, unless that place is a Jimmy Buffett concert.
The Colbert ReportS5 The Word - Loyal Opposition
The best way for Republicans to win back the trust of the people is to copy the strategy of our enemies.
The Colbert ReportS5 You Look Like Stephen
You look like Stephen, if he were on a curvy, glassy thing.
The Colbert ReportS5 Intro - 2/10/09
Tough times for the Republican Party -- this sounds like a job for tax cuts.
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