The Colbert Report

Apocalypse Mao: Murdered by the Orient's Success - Eight-Child Policy

Season 3 • 02/13/2007

To maintain supremacy over China, America's going to have to breed like Mormon squirrels.

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00:30

The Colbert ReportS3
Intro - 2/8/07

Stephen finds out if America is ready for a black president and if the Scooter Libby trial is actually a witch hunt. Then, Chris Hedges talks about the bad kind of fascism.
02/08/2007
06:38

The Colbert ReportS3
Debra Dickerson

Stephen examines whether or not Barack Obama is black with the help of Debra Dickerson.
02/08/2007
05:29

The Colbert ReportS3
Tip/Wag - John Howard

Stephen tips the hat from the gays to eleven feet of snow and to John Howard, then wags his finger at a talking urinal cake and John Howard.
02/12/2007
00:31

The Colbert ReportS3
Intro - 2/12/07

The pentagon may get a second chance to manipulate intelligence, identical snowflakes fall in upstate New York, and the forecast is sunny with a chance of nailing.
02/12/2007
06:42

The Colbert ReportS3
Michael Oppenheimer

Dr. Michael Oppenheimer says Stephen can help address the climate crisis with only minor sacrifices. Stephen says he's got the wrong guy.
02/12/2007
01:31

The Colbert ReportS3
Alpha Dog of the Week - Amitabh Bachchan

This week's Alpha Dog is Bollywood film star Amitabh Bachchan, who survived a camel kick to the head due to an indestructible turban.
02/12/2007
03:17

The Colbert ReportS3
The Word - Inappropriate

An investigator called Douglas Feith's manipulation of intelligence "inappropriate." Stephen thinks that's a compliment.
02/12/2007
03:28

The Colbert ReportS3
Apocalypse Mao: Murdered by the Orient's Success - Take the Pulse

Stephen takes ordinary Americans' questions about Chinese outsourcing, aphrodisiacs, games, families and bootleg DVDs.
02/13/2007
06:40

The Colbert ReportS3
Sheryl WuDunn

Stephen asks journalist Sheryl WuDunn whether China is a friend, a foe, or a frenemy.
02/13/2007
04:44

The Colbert ReportS3
The Word - Apocalypse Mao: Murdered by the Orient's Success - Frenemy

China is surpassing us everywhere, including in coal consumption, military personnel and executions -- because Texas can't do it alone.
02/13/2007
00:59

The Colbert ReportS3
Apocalypse Mao: Murdered by the Orient's Success - Eight-Child Policy

China is on the rise, and to maintain supremacy, America's going to have to breed like Mormon squirrels.
02/13/2007
06:18

The Colbert ReportS3
Lance Armstrong

Stephen asks Lance Armstrong if "Livestrong" isn't a little weak compared to "Livestronger" or "Livestrongest."
02/14/2007
02:53

The Colbert ReportS3
Safe Sex for Senior Citizens

A New York Times article reports that senior citizens are exploring safe sex. Stephen disapproves, and they're not the only ones Stephen is wishing a sexless Valentine's Day.
02/14/2007
03:11

The Colbert ReportS3
The Word - Bad Medicine

It used to be easy to scare teens into not having sex by saying things like, "It's a sin," "You could have a baby," or "Your parents do it."
02/14/2007
04:52

The Colbert ReportS3
Sport Report - Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show

It's the time of the year when the real sports -- like the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show -- finally get their share of the spotlight.
02/14/2007
00:45

The Colbert ReportS3
Stephen Protects Valentine's Day

Stephen knows there's no better time to protect the sanctity of marriage than Valentine's Day, so he presents a montage of some of New York's most loving couples.
02/14/2007
00:32

The Colbert ReportS3
Intro - 2/14/07

Political controversy rages over women's health in Texas, Stephen reviews the Westminster Dog Show, and Lance Armstrong explains why he never won the Tour de America.
02/14/2007
01:29

The Colbert ReportS3
Catching Up With China

Stephen said China had three times as many people at America and urged the Nation to procreate. It turns out China has four times more, so the need is even greater.
02/14/2007
02:04

The Colbert ReportS3
The 365 Most Influential Cultural Figures of 2007 - Candice Bergen

Stephen is so keyed up for his being prayed for next week, he just can't stop thinking about it -- so he asks Candice Bergen what her prayer day was like.
02/15/2007
05:43

The Colbert ReportS3
Shashi Tharoor

Shashi Tharoor explains that the UN consists of more than a bunch of blue-helmeted refugee-huggers.
02/15/2007
05:13

The Colbert ReportS3
Better Know a District - Arkansas' 2nd - Vic Snyder

Representative Vic Snyder refuses to donate some of his mustache hairs to help cure little children of their diseases.
02/15/2007
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