The Colbert Report
Sign Off - You Can't Take It With You
Season 5 • 11/10/2009
You can't take it with you, but you can lick it so no one else takes it.
Trouble, CoverageThe Colbert ReportS5
The House Democrats pass health care reform while Republicans are at home watching Wanda Sykes' new show.
U.S. Speedskating Team Takes GoldThe Colbert ReportS5
Thanks to the Colbert Nation, the U.S. Speedskating team wins the gold at the World Cup.
Intro - 11/9/09The Colbert ReportS5
The House passes a health care bill late Saturday night, and Stephen ignores Thomas Campbell's suggested donation request.
Better Know a District - Delaware's At-Large - Mike CastleThe Colbert ReportS5
Congressman Mike Castle doesn't believe Delaware should allow people to marry chickens.
Thomas CampbellThe Colbert ReportS5
Thomas Campbell explains to Stephen why people come to see art at the Metropolitan Museum of Art.
Intro - 11/10/09The Colbert ReportS5
The Iranian revolution celebrates 30 years, and Stephen assumes Maria Shriver's new charity is California.
Barney Frank Is Not a Great OutdoorsmanThe Colbert ReportS5
Just because Barney Frank authored a bill to legalize medical marijuana doesn't mean he could recognize a pot plant.
Maria ShriverThe Colbert ReportS5
Maria Shriver feeds Stephen Lovin' Scoopful, her new ice cream that benefits Special Olympics.
Iraniversary - Karim SadjadpourThe Colbert ReportS5
Karim Sadjadpour describes Iranian math superstar Mahmoud Vahidnia's unprecedented act of challenging Iran's supreme leader, Ayatollah Khomeini.
Sign Off - You Can't Take It With YouThe Colbert ReportS5
You can't take it with you, but you can lick it so no one else takes it when you're gone.
Sign Off - Stephen's Fight With Christopher CaldwellThe Colbert ReportS5
The show went well except for the violent fistfight Stephen had with Christopher Caldwell that had to be edited out.
Christopher CaldwellThe Colbert ReportS5
Christopher Caldwell says unassimilated Muslim immigrants have disrupted European relations between ethnic groups and the sexes.
Grover the HillThe Colbert ReportS5
America's most insidious socialist brainwashing program, "Sesame Street," celebrates its 40th anniversary and introduces Pox News.
Goldman Sachs Does God's WorkThe Colbert ReportS5
Despite collecting the highest salary on Wall Street, Goldman Sachs CEO Lloyd Blankfein never forgets he's a blue-collar guy doing God's work.
Tip/Wag - San Francisco Chronicle & George ClintonThe Colbert ReportS5
The San Francisco Chronicle prints on glossy paper, and the 6th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals rules in favor of George Clinton.
Stephen Claims Lou Dobbs' AudienceThe Colbert ReportS5
In punditry, like in "Highlander," there can be only one Lou Dobbs, so Stephen claims his audience after Dobbs quits CNN.
Sign Off - Stephen Shaves Woody's HeadThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen shaves Woody Harrelson's head while they both sing "The Star-Spangled Banner."
The Word - The Money ShotThe Colbert ReportS5
If we want to save the U.S. dollar, we should peg it to America's most precious metal of all: lead.
Miracle Whip Buys Ad SpaceThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen is going to buy more delicious mayonnaise with the money from Miracle Whip's advertising.
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