The Colbert Report
Sign Off - You Can't Take It With You
Season 5 • 11/10/2009
You can't take it with you, but you can lick it so no one else takes it.
The Colbert ReportS5 U.S. Speedskating Team Takes Gold
Thanks to the Colbert Nation, the U.S. Speedskating team wins the gold at the World Cup.
The Colbert ReportS5 Intro - 11/9/09
The House passes a health care bill late Saturday night, and Stephen ignores Thomas Campbell's suggested donation request.
The Colbert ReportS5 Exclusive - Better Know a District - Delaware's At-Large - Mike Castle
Rep. Mike Castle is convinced Barack Obama is an American citizen, despite his constituents' tiny flags and birth certificates wrapped in plastic.
The Colbert ReportS5 Better Know a District - Delaware's At-Large - Mike Castle
Congressman Mike Castle doesn't believe Delaware should allow people to marry chickens.
The Colbert ReportS5 Thomas Campbell
Thomas Campbell explains to Stephen why people come to see art at the Metropolitan Museum of Art.
The Colbert ReportS5 Intro - 11/10/09
The Iranian revolution celebrates 30 years, and Stephen assumes Maria Shriver's new charity is California.
The Colbert ReportS5 Barney Frank Is Not a Great Outdoorsman
Just because Barney Frank authored a bill to legalize medical marijuana doesn't mean he could recognize a pot plant.
The Colbert ReportS5 Maria Shriver
Maria Shriver feeds Stephen Lovin' Scoopful, her new ice cream that benefits Special Olympics.
The Colbert ReportS5 Iraniversary - Karim Sadjadpour
Karim Sadjadpour describes Iranian math superstar Mahmoud Vahidnia's unprecedented act of challenging Iran's supreme leader, Ayatollah Khomeini.
The Colbert ReportS5 Sign Off - You Can't Take It With You
You can't take it with you, but you can lick it so no one else takes it when you're gone.
The Colbert ReportS5 Sign Off - Stephen's Fight With Christopher Caldwell
The show went well except for the violent fistfight Stephen had with Christopher Caldwell that had to be edited out.
The Colbert ReportS5 Christopher Caldwell
Christopher Caldwell says unassimilated Muslim immigrants have disrupted European relations between ethnic groups and the sexes.
The Colbert ReportS5 Grover the Hill
America's most insidious socialist brainwashing program, "Sesame Street," celebrates its 40th anniversary and introduces Pox News.
The Colbert ReportS5 Goldman Sachs Does God's Work
Despite collecting the highest salary on Wall Street, Goldman Sachs CEO Lloyd Blankfein never forgets he's a blue-collar guy doing God's work.
The Colbert ReportS5 Tip/Wag - San Francisco Chronicle & George Clinton
The San Francisco Chronicle prints on glossy paper, and the 6th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals rules in favor of George Clinton.
The Colbert ReportS5 Stephen Claims Lou Dobbs' Audience
In punditry, like in "Highlander," there can be only one Lou Dobbs, so Stephen claims his audience after Dobbs quits CNN.
The Colbert ReportS5 Sign Off - Stephen Shaves Woody's Head
Stephen shaves Woody Harrelson's head while they both sing "The Star-Spangled Banner."
The Colbert ReportS5 Intro - 11/12/09
Stephen discusses the national ammunition shortage and talks to Woody Harrelson about his military movie.
The Colbert ReportS5 The Word - The Money Shot
If we want to save the U.S. dollar, we should peg it to America's most precious metal of all: lead.
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