The Colbert Report
Season 2 • 01/12/2006
Stephen suggests a better host for the Academy Awards.
Alito HatersThe Colbert ReportS2
Stephen proves that, contrary to media criticism, Supreme Court nominee Samuel Alito is an exciting and hilarious man.
Sign Off - Future MoneyThe Colbert ReportS2
Stephen adds a piggy bank to his bookshelf and puts in a dollar for the children's future. He tells them to smash it open in 2050 and trade the dollars for the new currency.
ThreatDown - Fathers and SonsThe Colbert ReportS2
Stephen sounds the warning on dads who let their kids hang out in war zones, breeding robots, bears that aren't really hibernating and the Associated Press.
John StosselThe Colbert ReportS2
John Stossel tells Stephen what's wrong with the education system and Stephen tells John what a freedom-tarian is.
Better Know a District - New Jersey's 9th - Steven RothmanThe Colbert ReportS2
Congressman Steve Rothman talks about New Jersey, the war in Iraq and what date movie he'd see with Stephen.
Intro - 1/12/06The Colbert ReportS2
Stephen will ask evolution expert Kenneth Miller about the Lord, Congressman Steve Rothman defends New Jersey and the Miss America Pageant gets back to its roots.
The Word - Double-Stick TapeThe Colbert ReportS2
With the Miss America Competition reincorporating the word "Pageant" into its title, Stephen urges the rest of the world to have a little more zazz.
Fract - Frnap: MonarchyThe Colbert ReportS2
Some governments are so not evolved, it's like they have a monarchy.
Michael Adams' ApologyThe Colbert ReportS2
Stephen gets Michael Adams to apologize for not giving him credit for "truthiness."
Kenneth MillerThe Colbert ReportS2
Kenneth Miller talks about evolution, what's so clever about God, the flu and what he likes to call the "Steve Martin Theory of Evolution."
The OscarsThe Colbert ReportS2
Stephen congratulates Jon Stewart for being asked to host the Oscars, but suggests the Academy reconsider and go with a CGI version of Bob Hope.
Martin Luther King Jr. DayThe Colbert ReportS2
Martin Luther King Jr. Day is the perfect opportunity for Stephen to fire back at the privacy Gestapo.
Intro - 1/16/06The Colbert ReportS2
Stephen will tell you how the government knows about that thing you did to that thing. You should be ashamed, and so should that thing.
The Word - Cerrado!The Colbert ReportS2
Stephen has an elaborate idea for keeping America's borders closed, hinged on the cheap labor of illegal immigrants.
Movies That Are Destroying America - TransamericaThe Colbert ReportS2
Stephen expresses his disappointment in the sequel to "National Velvet."
George StephanopoulosThe Colbert ReportS2
George Stephanopoulos relates politics to wrestling at Stephen's insistence.
Fract - Captain North KoreaThe Colbert ReportS2
A near-mint "Captain America" is way more valuable than a near-mint "Captain North Korea."
Sign Off - I Have a DreamsicleThe Colbert ReportS2
Stephen compares race relations to his Dreamsicle ice cream pop.
The Golden GlobesThe Colbert ReportS2
Stephen's assistant had to give him the details on Reese Witherspoon, Steve Carrell and Harrison Ford at the Golden Globes.
The Word - Old SchoolThe Colbert ReportS2
Stephen takes a look at the old school God and shows us how the new one is tougher and clearer about everything.
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