The Colbert Report
Safe Sex for Senior Citizens
Season 3 • 02/14/2007
Seniors aren't the only people Stephen is wishing a sexless Valentine's Day.
Apocalypse Mao: Murdered by the Orient's Success - Eight-Child PolicyThe Colbert ReportS3
China is on the rise, and to maintain supremacy, America's going to have to breed like Mormon squirrels.
Apocalypse Mao: Murdered by the Orient's Success - Take the PulseThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen takes ordinary Americans' questions about Chinese outsourcing, aphrodisiacs, games, families and bootleg DVDs.
Sheryl WuDunnThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen asks journalist Sheryl WuDunn whether China is a friend, a foe, or a frenemy.
The Word - Apocalypse Mao: Murdered by the Orient's Success - FrenemyThe Colbert ReportS3
China is surpassing us everywhere, including in coal consumption, military personnel and executions -- because Texas can't do it alone.
Lance ArmstrongThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen asks Lance Armstrong if "Livestrong" isn't a little weak compared to "Livestronger" or "Livestrongest."
The Word - Bad MedicineThe Colbert ReportS3
It used to be easy to scare teens into not having sex by saying things like, "It's a sin," "You could have a baby," or "Your parents do it."
Sport Report - Westminster Kennel Club Dog ShowThe Colbert ReportS3
It's the time of the year when the real sports -- like the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show -- finally get their share of the spotlight.
Stephen Protects Valentine's DayThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen knows there's no better time to protect the sanctity of marriage than Valentine's Day, so he presents a montage of some of New York's most loving couples.
Intro - 2/14/07The Colbert ReportS3
Political controversy rages over women's health in Texas, Stephen reviews the Westminster Dog Show, and Lance Armstrong explains why he never won the Tour de America.
Catching Up With ChinaThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen said China had three times as many people at America and urged the Nation to procreate. It turns out China has four times more, so the need is even greater.
Safe Sex for Senior CitizensThe Colbert ReportS3
A New York Times article reports that senior citizens are exploring safe sex. Stephen disapproves, and they're not the only ones Stephen is wishing a sexless Valentine's Day.
The 365 Most Influential Cultural Figures of 2007 - Candice BergenThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen is so keyed up for his being prayed for next week, he just can't stop thinking about it -- so he asks Candice Bergen what her prayer day was like.
Shashi TharoorThe Colbert ReportS3
Shashi Tharoor explains that the UN consists of more than a bunch of blue-helmeted refugee-huggers.
Better Know a District - Arkansas' 2nd - Vic SnyderThe Colbert ReportS3
Representative Vic Snyder refuses to donate some of his mustache hairs to help cure little children of their diseases.
Helen Thomas's ChairThe Colbert ReportS3
There's going to be a new chair in the front row of the White House press room, and Fox and Friends wants it -- and Helen Thomas's too.
Intro - 2/15/07The Colbert ReportS3
Stephen explores the power of prayer, Arkansas's 2nd district, and why former undersecretary of the UN Shashi Tharoor will have to start paying his parking tickets.
The 365 Most Influential Cultural Figures of 2007 - J.J. AbramsThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen makes Mastermedia International's list of the 365 most influential cultural figures its members can pray for each day.
Zev ChafetsThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen and author Zev Chafets get to the bottom of which of the two of them is the most Jewish.
Sign Off - The Stupidest Person in the WorldThe Colbert ReportS3
It's Monday night, and that means one thing -- it's time for The Stupidest Person in the World.
Stephen's Sound Advice - Avoiding Humiliation on the Campaign TrailThe Colbert ReportS3
With more people running for president than ever before, it's never been easier to lose.
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