The Colbert Report

Better Know a District - Illinois' 9th - Jan Schakowsky

Season 3 • 06/04/2007

This district contains Wrigley Field, home of the Cubs, and the first ever McDonald's.

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02:32

Fleet Week
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The Fleet Week servicemen are just innocent, small town kids wandering a big city rife with temptations like liquor, gambling and museums.
05/24/2007
00:26

Intro - 5/24/07
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Since it's Memorial Day weekend, Stephen wants to remind everyone to turn their clocks back.
05/24/2007
05:50

Better Know a District - Arizona's 7th - Raul Grijalva
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Stephen believes Representative Raul Grijalva's Interethnic Racial Harmony Award would make one hell of a weapon.
05/24/2007
02:23

Big Loud Flag
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Some people have complained about Stephen's big, loud flag.
05/24/2007
01:57

Uneventful Vacation
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Stephen recalls the uneventful events from his week off that only included performing medical experiments on himself and traveling the world behind a mask.
06/04/2007
05:10

Leon Botstein
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Bard College president Leon Botstein explains how educating prisoners is an effective way to reintroduce them to society.
06/04/2007
00:08

Sign Off - Mardi Gras Mask
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Stephen wears his Mardi Gras mask to say good night.
06/04/2007
00:48

Democratic Presidential Debate - Venue
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Though Stephen did not watch the Democratic presidential debate, he can assume he knows what the candidates said anyway.
06/04/2007
06:37

Jan Schakowsky
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Now that America has won back the hot dog eating crown, Stephen discusses Hunger Awareness Day and the rising prices of food.
06/04/2007
00:32

Intro - 6/4/07
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In this episode, America reclaims the hot dog eating crown, Congresswoman Jan Schakowsky spends a week living off food stamps and Stephen interviews Bard College president Leon Botstein.
06/04/2007
04:08

Better Know a District - Illinois' 9th - Jan Schakowsky
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen visits the district on the North Shore of Chicago, home of Northwestern University, Wrigley Field and Mayor McCheese.
06/04/2007
06:44

Jessica Valenti
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Jessica Valenti has a hard time believing that the girls in the "Girls Gone Wild" videos are flashing their breasts for their own pleasure.
06/05/2007
01:52

The God Machine?
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The disturbing news about the new iPhone is that Stephen doesn't have one yet.
06/05/2007
02:09

When Animals Attack Our Morals - Flamingos
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A pair of gay flamingos has raised fifteen flamingo chicks, all from eggs poached from other traditional flamingo nests.
06/05/2007
02:07

Yahoo Korea - Rain
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Koreans have been trying to keep the white man down, ever since we invaded their country.
06/05/2007
01:59

You've Been Scootered!
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Stephen advises Scooter Libby to start a gang in prison with Duke Cunningham.
06/05/2007
04:19

The Word - Mission Control
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NASA's Michael Griffin made their mission statement better by deleting any mention of planet protection.
06/05/2007
00:35

Intro - 6/5/07
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Tonight, Stephen reports on Scooter Libby's prison sentence, discusses the new iPhone and interviews author Jessica Valenti.
06/05/2007
01:48

Craziest F#?king Thing I've Ever Heard - Octopi
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One day octopi are twisting open bottles, the next they're twisting open submarine hatch doors.
06/06/2007
04:55

Carl Bernstein
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Carl Bernstein's new book "A Woman in Charge" is about Hillary Clinton. Stephen hopes it has a happy ending.
06/06/2007
00:32

Intro - 6/6/07
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Tonight, Stephen reports on Democrat candidates talking about God, discusses global warming and talks to author Carl Bernstein about his new biography.
06/06/2007
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