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The Colbert Report
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The Colbert Report
Intro - 11/16/09
Season 5 • 11/16/2009
The gays want more. C'mon, we already gave 'em Doogie Howser.
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Watching
01:26
Sign Off - Stephen Shaves Woody's Head
The Colbert Report
S5
Stephen shaves Woody Harrelson's head while they both sing "The Star-Spangled Banner."
11/12/2009
03:46
The Word - The Money Shot
The Colbert Report
S5
If we want to save the U.S. dollar, we should peg it to America's most precious metal of all: lead.
11/12/2009
01:24
Miracle Whip Buys Ad Space
The Colbert Report
S5
Stephen is going to buy more delicious mayonnaise with the money from Miracle Whip's advertising.
11/12/2009
04:07
Sport Report - Cricket Scandal & Letter-Writing Campaign
The Colbert Report
S5
A cricket coach encourages his players to have sex before matches, and Stephen starts his Canadian "Don't Be an Ice-Hole" letter-writing campaign.
11/12/2009
06:01
Woody Harrelson
The Colbert Report
S5
Woody Harrelson shows his support for the troops by allowing Stephen to shave his head.
11/12/2009
03:32
Alpha Dog of the Week - Joe Perry
The Colbert Report
S5
Joe Perry has always been the face of Aerosmith -- you just might not know it because his hair is often in the way.
11/16/2009
05:49
The Word - Skeletons in the Closet
The Colbert Report
S5
How is the governor of Rhode Island supposed to rest in peace knowing that a couple of plots over two dudes are being gay dead?
11/16/2009
00:19
Sign Off - Good Morning, Burma
The Colbert Report
S5
Stephen says good morning to anybody watching from Burma, and congratulations on owning a TV.
11/16/2009
03:07
Obama Bows to Japanese Emperor
The Colbert Report
S5
President Obama brings great shame upon America by taking a deep bow to the emperor of Japan.
11/16/2009
06:30
Paul Goldberger
The Colbert Report
S5
Paul Goldberger says buildings bring out our emotions and are part of our most profound memories.
11/16/2009
00:31
Intro - 11/16/09
The Colbert Report
S5
Aerosmith breaks up to pursue separate nursing homes, and Paul Goldberger discusses Stephen's favorite architect, Mike Brady.
11/16/2009
07:09
Kid Gloves - Marc Kielburger
The Colbert Report
S5
Marc Kielburger attempts to break the cycle of poverty by taking kids out of child labor and putting them in school.
11/17/2009
00:02
Sign Off - Goodnight
The Colbert Report
S5
That's it for The Report, everybody.
11/17/2009
06:21
Better Know a District - California's 12th - Jackie Speier
The Colbert Report
S5
Representative Jackie Speier defends gay rights and shoots a viral skateboarding video for YouTube with Stephen.
11/17/2009
00:33
Intro - 11/17/09
The Colbert Report
S5
Congress cracks down on child labor, Stephen profiles California's 12th district, and Malcolm Gladwell talks about his new book.
11/17/2009
05:45
Malcolm Gladwell
The Colbert Report
S5
Malcolm Gladwell tries to get people to see connections between their own worlds and worlds outside of theirs.
11/17/2009
04:30
The Word - Grand Old Pity Party
The Colbert Report
S5
Fact checking and opposition research are the same thing to Sarah Palin because she knows the facts are out to get her.
11/18/2009
02:09
Eggo Waffles Shortage Alert
The Colbert Report
S5
Stephen puts America on Waff-Con Four and calls on President Obama to open the strategic waffle reserves.
11/18/2009
04:37
ThreatDown - Quetzalcoatl, Santa Claus & Canadian Groin Kickers
The Colbert Report
S5
Stephen refuses to apologize to Quetzalcoatl, Santa Claus could make you sick, and a Canadian woman kicks strangers in the balls.
11/18/2009
03:29
Norah Jones
The Colbert Report
S5
Norah Jones doesn't like her fans enough to get caught snorting coke in her underwear.
11/18/2009
00:35
Intro - 11/18/09
The Colbert Report
S5
Sarah Palin has a 400-page book, "2012" takes the world by storm, and Norah Jones talks about her famous father, Indiana.
11/18/2009
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This Game of M.A.S.H. Is a Real Monster in Cursed Friends
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Out of Office Explores Remote Work Absurdity
Out of Office
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09/19/2022
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00:35
A Front Row Seat to South Park The 25th Anniversary Concert
South Park
S25
Sing along to silly songs and classic symphonies from the show on South Park The 25th Anniversary Concert, premiering August 13 at 10/9c.
07/27/2022
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Diwali Gets Wild in Hot Mess Holiday
Hot Mess Holiday
Melanie Chandra and Surina Jindal embark on a zany weekend adventure during Diwali in the Comedy Central original movie Hot Mess Holiday, now streaming.
12/20/2021