The Colbert Report
Sign Off - Goodnight, Grammy
Season 5 • 09/30/2009
Stephen tells his grammy goodnight.
Intro - 9/29/09The Colbert ReportS5
An exciting new tobacco product hits the market, and Matt Latimer recalls his Bush speechwriting days.
Sign Off - Richard Dawkins Will Be Here TomorrowThe Colbert ReportS5
Noted atheist writer Richard Dawkins will be on tomorrow night.
Spider-PopeThe Colbert ReportS5
If the spider crawling on Pope Benedict XVI's face has bitten him, we might soon have a Spider-Pope.
Cheating Death - Snus & Placebo EffectThe Colbert ReportS5
Camel develops a new way to deliver smooth carcinogens without lighting up, and placebos become more effective.
Matt LatimerThe Colbert ReportS5
Matt Latimer, a former speechwriter for the Bush administration, remembers the words he used most when writing for the president.
Send Your Medical Bills to Max BaucusThe Colbert ReportS5
Senator Max Baucus will pay for your medical bills from the $3.2 million he's received from the health care industry.
A Pace OdysseyThe Colbert ReportS5
NASA begins assembling Stephen's treadmill so America's famously fat astronauts can get trim in space.
Richard DawkinsThe Colbert ReportS5
After offering evidence for evolution, Richard Dawkins wants to see the evidence for God.
ThreatDown - Environmentalists, Kang Lee & Mountain Pine BeetlesThe Colbert ReportS5
Environmentalists target soft toilet paper, Kang Lee exposes the lies parents tell kids, and mountain pine beetles prevent us from shooting bears.
Intro - 9/30/09The Colbert ReportS5
Stephen has an update on his space treadmill, and he'll evolve Richard Dawkins' book into tiny shreds of paper.
Sign Off - Goodnight, GrammyThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen says goodnight to his grammy.
Francis CollinsThe Colbert ReportS5
Francis Collins informs Stephen that it's going to take time for stem cell research to give him crab claws.
Eating the Distance - The Brad Sciullo Story Pt. 1The Colbert ReportS5
Competitive eater Brad Sciullo wants to prove anything is possible by finishing a 15-pound hamburger called "The Belly Buster."
Najibullah Zazi Threatens Beauty SuppliesThe Colbert ReportS5
Suspected terrorist Najibullah Zazi threatens America's unregulated use of beauty supplies.
Sign Off - New SlangThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen introduces some new slang into the teen lexicon.
2016 Olympics in Chicago - George WendtThe Colbert ReportS5
George Wendt and Stephen trash talk Rio de Janeiro, Madrid and Tokyo for competing against Chicago's 2016 Olympics bid.
Arne DuncanThe Colbert ReportS5
Secretary of Education Arne Duncan wants longer school hours so American students can compete with the rest of the world.
Eating the Distance - The Brad Sciullo Story Pt. 2The Colbert ReportS5
Brad Sciullo's training regime of drinking, vomiting and trout prepares him to conquer "The Belly Buster."
Americans for Prosperity Cheer Chicago's FailureThe Colbert ReportS5
The conservative group, Americans for Prosperity, cheers when they hear the news of Chicago's failure to host the 2016 Olympics.
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