The Colbert Report
Intro - 4/26/07
Season 3 • 04/26/2007
The army is building walls in Iraq. Try sneaking in now, Mexicans!
The Word - SacrificeThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen supports enlisting illegal immigrants in the war in Iraq, simultaneously bolstering our fighting forces and solving our immigration dilemma.
Sign Off - PromisesThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen doesn't want to make any promises he can't keep, but he'll see you tomorrow night.
Dead to Me - Long WarThe Colbert ReportS3
Good news -- the long war in Iraq is over! That is, the use of the phrase 'Long War' is over thanks to Admiral William J. Fallon.
Intro - 4/25/07The Colbert ReportS3
America faces a troop shortage, Stephen unleashes on pop culture, and the U.S. Comptroller General David Walker talks with Stephen about the national debt.
David WalkerThe Colbert ReportS3
Accountant David Walker warns of a 50 trillion dollar deficit and Stephen asks if his haircut can be a tax write off.
Tom WolfeThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen disagrees with new journalism because he believes people want entertaining journalism, not factual journalism.
Stephanie LostThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen reminds Stephanie Colbertle the turtle to maintain her dignity after losing the Great Turtle Race.
The Word - Mending WallThe Colbert ReportS3
Gated communities in Iraq -- they've been doing it Florida and the old people seem to like it.
Better Know a Protectorate - Guam - Madeleine BordalloThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen tells Guam Rep. Madeleine Bordallo that if she can't find Guam on a map of the continental U.S. that means Guam isn't part of America.
Sign Off - Yuri KuklachevThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen apologizes to Yuri Kuklachev of the Moscow Cat Circus for bringing his Rottweiler to work.
Intro - 4/26/07The Colbert ReportS3
The U.S. Army's constructing walls in Iraq, Stephen gets to know Guam better, and author Tom Wolfe talks about journalism.
Intro - 4/30/07The Colbert ReportS3
Scientists find a new Earth-like planet, The New York Times encourages presidential candidates to debate the environment, and guest Bill Bradley talks about oil and ice cream.
Tip/Wag - ShrekThe Colbert ReportS3
Bravo, Shrek, for encouraging our kids to do more than sit around the house all day watching 'Shrek' DVDs.
Neil deGrasse TysonThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen assumes Neil deGrasse Tyson's book, "Death By Black Hole," is a pro-capital punishment argument.
Bill BradleyThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen tells Bill Bradley he doesn't mind the old American story or being addicted to oil.
First Democratic Debate for '08The Colbert ReportS3
Stephen has a recurring nightmare where the Democrats take over the Senate and the House, and he cannot wait to wake up.
Mitt's Favorite BookThe Colbert ReportS3
Presidential hopeful Mitt Romney's favorite author is L. Ron Hubbard.
Intro - 5/1/07The Colbert ReportS3
Stephen wonders whether public radio is destroying America, Tony Stewart accuses NASCAR of fixing races, and guest Malcolm Gladwell defends making decisions without thinking.
The Word - Who Cares?The Colbert ReportS3
NASCAR driver Tony Stewart complains NASCAR is selling fiction by fixing races to appear closer than they are, but Stephen asks -- who cares?
You may also like5 Videos
Fires and Full Moons Breed a New Terror on Wolf Pack
A California wildfire awakens a werewolf, but a group of curious teens -- once bitten -- will not shy away from the threat of decimation on Wolf Pack, streaming January 26 on Paramount+.
A Familiar Face Returns in Teen Wolf: The Movie
Derek Hale finds himself fighting for his life when a skilled hunter tracks down him and his son Eli in Teen Wolf: The Movie, premiering Thursday, January 26, 2023, on Paramount+.
This Game of M.A.S.H. Is a Real Monster in Cursed FriendsCursed Friends
Four pals must break an evil spell and change their fates when a classic kid's game to predict the future comes back to haunt them in the Comedy Central original movie Cursed Friends.
Out of Office Explores Remote Work AbsurdityOut of Office
A young woman experiences the bizarre extremes of working from home in the film Out of Office, starring Milana Vayntrub, Ken Jeong, Jay Pharoah, Cheri Oteri, Jason Alexander and more.