The Colbert Report

Sign Off - Upcoming Metaphor-Off

Season 3 • 04/18/2007

Tomorrow, Stephen takes on Sean Penn.

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00:33

Intro - 4/17/07
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen questions President Bush's plans for Iraq, investigates a new study on teen abstinence and interviews author Elaine Pagels.
04/17/2007
04:13

Tip/Wag - Fake Sperm
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen wags his finger at abstinence education, cell phones, fake sperm and those who can't hack it.
04/17/2007
03:35

Who's Not Honoring Me Now? - Pulitzer
The Colbert ReportS3

According to the Pulitzer's, Henry Ward Beecher is the Most Famous Man in America, but the last time Stephen checked, he didn't have a diet named after him or a sex tape.
04/18/2007
03:37

The Word - Branding
The Colbert ReportS3

Corporations may not be used to having their names associated with human suffering, but think of the ad space.
04/18/2007
00:30

Intro - 4/18/07
The Colbert ReportS3

Britain stops using the phrase "war on terror," debate rises over bovine growth hormones and supermodel Paulina Porizkova joins Stephen in the studio.
04/18/2007
04:38

Milk & Hormones
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen shares an educational video about Recombinant Bovine Growth Hormone, aka "Jesus Milk."
04/18/2007
00:21

National Library Week - Sebastian Junger
The Colbert ReportS3

Author Sebastian Junger celebrates National Library Week by asking us to buy his books.
04/18/2007
00:17

National Library Week - David Remnick
The Colbert ReportS3

David Remnick suggests that if you subscribe to the New Yorker but want even more unread material, visit your local library.
04/18/2007
00:47

National Library Week - Frank McCourt
The Colbert ReportS3

English teacher Frank McCourt stresses the importance of books, but if he were a shop teacher he would be stressing the importance of plywood.
04/18/2007
05:50

Paulina Porizkova
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen can verify Paulina Porizkova as a supermodel because he is an arbiter of American taste.
04/18/2007
00:12

Sign Off - Upcoming Metaphor-Off
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen's going to take on Sean Penn like white takes on rice.
04/18/2007
00:30

Intro - 4/19/07
The Colbert ReportS3

John Edwards spends $400 on a haircut, and Sean Penn faces off against Stephen in an epic battle of the metaphors.
04/19/2007
05:00

Sean Penn
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen asks Sean Penn if he snuck weapons of mass destruction out of Iraq in a bulky raincoat to embarrass the president.
04/19/2007
00:33

Hyperbole-Off
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen may have lost the Meta-Free-Phor-All to Sean Penn, but he will not lose his upcoming Hyperbole-Off to George Clooney.
04/19/2007
02:34

God's Pet Chimp
The Colbert ReportS3

Human DNA has stopped evolving because God got us right the first time when he intelligently designed us.
04/19/2007
08:27

Meta-Free-Phor-All: Shall I Nail Thee to a Summer's Day?
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen has a metaphor for Sean Penn: Sean Penn is a big mean jerk, and Stephen hates him.
04/19/2007
02:59

The Word - $400 Haircut
The Colbert ReportS3

Sure, John Edwards grew up poor, but if he really cared about the poor, he would have stayed poor.
04/19/2007
02:08

Stephanie's Winning!
The Colbert ReportS3

Stephen's adopted turtle, Stephanie Colbertle, is leading the Great Turtle Race, while two other lady turtles hang back at the nesting grounds, listening to Melissa Etheridge.
04/23/2007
00:42

Gonzales Forgot
The Colbert ReportS3

Alberto Gonzales said 71 times that he couldn't remember details on the U.S. attorney firings, but he only remembers saying it once.
04/23/2007
04:51

ThreatDown - MySpace
The Colbert ReportS3

It's bad enough that MySpace exposes our teens to child predators, now they're corrupting our youth with journalism.
04/23/2007
00:30

Intro - 4/23/07
The Colbert ReportS3

Conservatives want a fresh new face, Sheryl Crow confronts Karl Rove and Def Jam's Russell Simmons sits down with Stephen.
04/23/2007
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