The Colbert Report

Lance Armstrong

Season 3 • 02/14/2007

Stephen asks Lance Armstrong why his bracelets don't say "Livestronger" or "Livestrongest."

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00:59

The Colbert ReportS3
Apocalypse Mao: Murdered by the Orient's Success - Eight-Child Policy

China is on the rise, and to maintain supremacy, America's going to have to breed like Mormon squirrels.
02/13/2007
03:28

The Colbert ReportS3
Apocalypse Mao: Murdered by the Orient's Success - Take the Pulse

Stephen takes ordinary Americans' questions about Chinese outsourcing, aphrodisiacs, games, families and bootleg DVDs.
02/13/2007
06:40

The Colbert ReportS3
Sheryl WuDunn

Stephen asks journalist Sheryl WuDunn whether China is a friend, a foe, or a frenemy.
02/13/2007
04:44

The Colbert ReportS3
The Word - Apocalypse Mao: Murdered by the Orient's Success - Frenemy

China is surpassing us everywhere, including in coal consumption, military personnel and executions -- because Texas can't do it alone.
02/13/2007
02:53

The Colbert ReportS3
Safe Sex for Senior Citizens

A New York Times article reports that senior citizens are exploring safe sex. Stephen disapproves, and they're not the only ones Stephen is wishing a sexless Valentine's Day.
02/14/2007
03:11

The Colbert ReportS3
The Word - Bad Medicine

It used to be easy to scare teens into not having sex by saying things like, "It's a sin," "You could have a baby," or "Your parents do it."
02/14/2007
04:52

The Colbert ReportS3
Sport Report - Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show

It's the time of the year when the real sports -- like the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show -- finally get their share of the spotlight.
02/14/2007
00:45

The Colbert ReportS3
Stephen Protects Valentine's Day

Stephen knows there's no better time to protect the sanctity of marriage than Valentine's Day, so he presents a montage of some of New York's most loving couples.
02/14/2007
00:32

The Colbert ReportS3
Intro - 2/14/07

Political controversy rages over women's health in Texas, Stephen reviews the Westminster Dog Show, and Lance Armstrong explains why he never won the Tour de America.
02/14/2007
01:29

The Colbert ReportS3
Catching Up With China

Stephen said China had three times as many people at America and urged the Nation to procreate. It turns out China has four times more, so the need is even greater.
02/14/2007
06:18

The Colbert ReportS3
Lance Armstrong

Stephen asks Lance Armstrong if "Livestrong" isn't a little weak compared to "Livestronger" or "Livestrongest."
02/14/2007
02:04

The Colbert ReportS3
The 365 Most Influential Cultural Figures of 2007 - Candice Bergen

Stephen is so keyed up for his being prayed for next week, he just can't stop thinking about it -- so he asks Candice Bergen what her prayer day was like.
02/15/2007
05:43

The Colbert ReportS3
Shashi Tharoor

Shashi Tharoor explains that the UN consists of more than a bunch of blue-helmeted refugee-huggers.
02/15/2007
05:13

The Colbert ReportS3
Better Know a District - Arkansas' 2nd - Vic Snyder

Representative Vic Snyder refuses to donate some of his mustache hairs to help cure little children of their diseases.
02/15/2007
01:22

The Colbert ReportS3
Helen Thomas's Chair

There's going to be a new chair in the front row of the White House press room, and Fox and Friends wants it -- and Helen Thomas's too.
02/15/2007
00:31

The Colbert ReportS3
Intro - 2/15/07

Stephen explores the power of prayer, Arkansas's 2nd district, and why former undersecretary of the UN Shashi Tharoor will have to start paying his parking tickets.
02/15/2007
04:52

The Colbert ReportS3
The 365 Most Influential Cultural Figures of 2007 - J.J. Abrams

Stephen makes Mastermedia International's list of the 365 most influential cultural figures its members can pray for each day.
02/15/2007
05:41

The Colbert ReportS3
Zev Chafets

Stephen and author Zev Chafets get to the bottom of which of the two of them is the most Jewish.
02/26/2007
00:31

The Colbert ReportS3
Sign Off - The Stupidest Person in the World

It's Monday night, and that means one thing -- it's time for The Stupidest Person in the World.
02/26/2007
05:41

The Colbert ReportS3
Stephen's Sound Advice - Avoiding Humiliation on the Campaign Trail

With more people running for president than ever before, it's never been easier to lose.
02/26/2007
00:35

The Colbert ReportS3
Intro - 2/26/07

The British announce plans to cut and run, Tom Vilsack drops out of the presidential race, and Zev Chafets angles for a Christmas present.
02/26/2007
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