The Colbert Report
Season 5 • 04/28/2009
Daniel Gross believes spending money will get the economy moving again.
Shout Out - Kids EditionThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen promises never to eat Ewok, provides some child-safe Nazi footage and raises the competition on donorschoose.org.
The DecemberistsThe Colbert ReportS5
Colin Meloy describes The Decemberists' latest album by listing influences Stephen's never heard of.
Craziest F#?king Thing I've Ever Heard - Fir Tree LungThe Colbert ReportS5
Christmas trees are supposed to warm the cockles of our hearts, not infest the alveoli of our lungs.
Intro - 4/27/09The Colbert ReportS5
Swine flu rages, and The Decemberists stop by and officially sell out.
A Rare Correction - Stephen Eats an EwokThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen wasn't completely honest when he said he'd never eat an Ewok.
Arlen Specter Contracts Donkey FluThe Colbert ReportS5
Republicans tried to fight off donkey flu, but their white cells weren't strong enough.
No Animals Were HarmedThe Colbert ReportS5
No animals were harmed, but after the credits roll, all bets are off.
Intro - 4/28/09The Colbert ReportS5
Stephen learns what it takes to be a foreign correspondent, besides a pad, a pencil and an anti-American bias, and drinks are on Daniel Gross.
Where and When Is Stephen Going to the Persian Gulf? - CorrespondentsThe Colbert ReportS5
After taking into consideration his American hero and United Airlines platinum member status, Stephen is going to the Persian Gulf, third and third-most, as a journalist.
Foreign Reporting - Richard EngelThe Colbert ReportS5
Richard Engel shares with Stephen the customary tip for a soldier who saves your life.
Daniel GrossThe Colbert ReportS5
Daniel Gross urges rich cable TV personalities to buy steaks, cigars and whiskey.
Intro - 4/29/09The Colbert ReportS5
The nation may have an education problem, and David Kessler thinks Americans eat too much, which means he must have eyes.
Feet TeethThe Colbert ReportS5
Don't forget to brush your teeth, including your feet teeth.
Enemy Swine: A Pigcalypse NowThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen calms everyone down with his advice on swine flu.
David KesslerThe Colbert ReportS5
David Kessler wants to save lives by getting Americans to eat less.
I's On Edjukashun - Textbooks, AmeriCorps & Strip-SearchThe Colbert ReportS5
Fox News exposes liberal textbooks, AmeriCorps increases its mind control, and a girl is strip-searched for ibuprofen.
Ahmadinejad Steals Obama's SloganThe Colbert ReportS5
Obama should have anticipated that Mahmoud Ahmadinejad would copy him and picked a more effective anti-nuclear campaign slogan.
Ethan NadelmannThe Colbert ReportS5
Ethan Nadelmann wants to remove marijuana from the criminal justice system and put it into the taxation and regulation systems.
President Obama - The First 14 MondaysThe Colbert ReportS5
The true test of a president: running the country while living Garfield's worst nightmare.
Obama's First 14 Mondays - Jonathan AlterThe Colbert ReportS5
Jonathan Alter tells Stephen how Obama's first 14 Mondays stack up against FDR's.
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