The Colbert Report
ThreatDown - Uighurs & Donald H. Crosby
Season 5 • 06/18/2009
Uighurs make Stephen want to get persecuted so he can have ice cream.
The Word - Bohemian GroveThe Colbert ReportS5
A man has never asked to be considered for membership in Sonia Sotomayor's women's-only club -- until now.
Alpha Dog of the Week - Silvio BerlusconiThe Colbert ReportS5
Silvio Berlusconi really shows his doggie bag by asking his wife to apologize for the negative media attention over his affair with an 18-year-old.
Murder in the White House - Fly Widow InterviewThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen interviews the wife and 93 children of the fly that President Obama killed.
Sign Off - Aloha, IdahoThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen likes to single out a state at the end of the show, so tonight he says aloha to Idaho.
Joshua Micah MarshallThe Colbert ReportS5
Joshua Micah Marshall describes the Talking Points Memo blog as a hybrid of collaborative reader reporting and traditional reporting.
Bears & Balls - Tobacco, Project Natal & Graveyard BidsThe Colbert ReportS5
President Obama outlaws flavored cigarettes, Microsoft introduces Project Natal, and a graveyard accepts bids.
Intro - 6/18/09The Colbert ReportS5
Someone finally agrees to accept Gitmo detainees, and Stephen nails poet Paul Muldoon.
Paul MuldoonThe Colbert ReportS5
Paul Muldoon and Stephen recite "Tea" together to help it become the number one poem in America.
Sign Off - Law & Order PreviewThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen thanks Jeff Goldblum for stopping by and reveals a little preview of "Law & Order: Criminal Intent."
Murder in the White House - Jeff GoldblumThe Colbert ReportS5
Jeff Goldblum demands an apology from Barack Obama for his brutal act of violence against a fly.
ThreatDown - Uighurs & Donald H. CrosbyThe Colbert ReportS5
Uighurs should stop having so much fun, and Donald H. Crosby wants to know who the hell Stephen Colbert is.
Sign Off - Stephen Suffers, TooThe Colbert ReportS5
Once the audience leaves, Stephen waits in the chair till the next show starts.
Intro - 6/22/09The Colbert ReportS5
Stephen suggests punching randomly until we find the enemy among us, and Simon Schama writes a history of the future of America.
The Smell of Freedom - Jeff GoldblumThe Colbert ReportS5
Jeff Goldblum stands up for Zicam because nobody can take away the sweet smell of freedom.
Simon SchamaThe Colbert ReportS5
Simon Schama admits that out of all the countries' histories he's covered, the United States has the greatest.
The Enemy Within - Cane FuThe Colbert ReportS5
Like a danger pig rooting out fear truffles, Stephen profiles Mark Shuey, creator of the Cane Fu combat system turning America's seniors into killing machines.
Zicam RecallThe Colbert ReportS5
Stephen doesn't understand why the FDA would crack down on an unregulated heavy metal that you spray in your nose and can cause permanent damage.
America's Health Plan-DemicThe Colbert ReportS5
The House Republicans' health care reform plan is practical in that it's practically three pages long and has no numbers.
Governor Alert - The Search for Mark SanfordThe Colbert ReportS5
As his first act as governor of South Carolina, Stephen calls off the search for Mark Sanford.
Barack Obama's Response to IranThe Colbert ReportS5
Critics call for President Obama to get involved in the Iranian elections, boldly and loudly, with the fist of the Statue of Liberty.
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