The Colbert Report
The Word - Sacrifice
Season 3 • 04/25/2007
Stephen calls for the Iraq war to be fought by illegal immigrants.
Bye-Bye to BorisThe Colbert ReportS3
Russia's first democratically elected President, Boris Yeltsin, has passed away and the New York Post has paid tribute with their usual class and sensitivity.
Sign Off - Captain LeadThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen reminisces about his favorite childhood toys: Captain Lead, General Light Socket, Admiral Dry Cleaning Bag, Lieutenant Fluffy -- and his wad of asbestos.
Intro - 4/24/07The Colbert ReportS3
Stephen discusses President Bush's fight against global warming and the two seats being considered for Congress, and sits down with new age medical guru Dr. Andrew Weil.
Alpha Dog of the Week - Uncle BenThe Colbert ReportS3
After 61 years, Uncle Ben is now not only spokesman of his products but CEO of the company.
New Issue of GQThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen expects the new issue of GQ with him on the cover to be the most popular issue they've ever had.
Four Horsemen of the A-Pop-Calypse - PrayerThe Colbert ReportS3
People don't develop special powers, they pray for them. The only reason Superman can fly is because Jesus is carrying him.
Sign Off - PromisesThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen doesn't want to make any promises he can't keep, but he'll see you tomorrow night.
Dead to Me - Long WarThe Colbert ReportS3
Good news -- the long war in Iraq is over! That is, the use of the phrase 'Long War' is over thanks to Admiral William J. Fallon.
Intro - 4/25/07The Colbert ReportS3
America faces a troop shortage, Stephen unleashes on pop culture, and the U.S. Comptroller General David Walker talks with Stephen about the national debt.
David WalkerThe Colbert ReportS3
Accountant David Walker warns of a 50 trillion dollar deficit and Stephen asks if his haircut can be a tax write off.
The Word - SacrificeThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen supports enlisting illegal immigrants in the war in Iraq, simultaneously bolstering our fighting forces and solving our immigration dilemma.
Tom WolfeThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen disagrees with new journalism because he believes people want entertaining journalism, not factual journalism.
Intro - 4/26/07The Colbert ReportS3
The U.S. Army's constructing walls in Iraq, Stephen gets to know Guam better, and author Tom Wolfe talks about journalism.
Stephanie LostThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen reminds Stephanie Colbertle the turtle to maintain her dignity after losing the Great Turtle Race.
The Word - Mending WallThe Colbert ReportS3
Gated communities in Iraq -- they've been doing it Florida and the old people seem to like it.
Better Know a Protectorate - Guam - Madeleine BordalloThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen tells Guam Rep. Madeleine Bordallo that if she can't find Guam on a map of the continental U.S. that means Guam isn't part of America.
Sign Off - Yuri KuklachevThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen apologizes to Yuri Kuklachev of the Moscow Cat Circus for bringing his Rottweiler to work.
Intro - 4/30/07The Colbert ReportS3
Scientists find a new Earth-like planet, The New York Times encourages presidential candidates to debate the environment, and guest Bill Bradley talks about oil and ice cream.
Tip/Wag - ShrekThe Colbert ReportS3
Bravo, Shrek, for encouraging our kids to do more than sit around the house all day watching 'Shrek' DVDs.
Neil deGrasse TysonThe Colbert ReportS3
Stephen assumes Neil deGrasse Tyson's book, "Death By Black Hole," is a pro-capital punishment argument.
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