The Colbert Report

Intro - 8/6/09

Season 5 • 08/06/2009

The government seizes a creationist dinosaur theme park, but Jesus escapes on a triceratops.

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03:13

Human Week
The Colbert ReportS5

Since sharks don't kill that many people, the Discovery Channel should replace their Shark Week with Human Week.
08/05/2009
08:11

2010 Midterms - Joe Sestak
The Colbert ReportS5

Joe Sestak is running against Arlen Specter for the Pennsylvania Senate seat so he can bring health care reform to all Americans.
08/05/2009
02:44

Bill Clinton's Personal Appearance
The Colbert ReportS5

Bill Clinton frees two journalists from North Korea, but Laura Ling leaves without her delicious sandwich.
08/05/2009
05:49

Kris Kobach
The Colbert ReportS5

Kris Kobach wants to fight illegal immigration on the local level and reward the people willing to come to this country legally.
08/05/2009
00:02

Sign Off - Goodnight
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen says goodnight.
08/05/2009
06:03

Meryl Streep
The Colbert ReportS5

Meryl Streep won't feel responsible if her role as Julia Child influences kids to think cooking is cool.
08/06/2009
06:00

Yahweh or No Way - Dinosaur Adventure Land & Black Market Kidneys
The Colbert ReportS5

The founder of a creationist dinosaur theme park refuses to pay taxes, President Obama may be a secret Mormon, and a Jewish man trades kidneys on the black market.
08/06/2009
00:04

Sign Off - Goodnight
The Colbert ReportS5

That's it for The Report, everybody.
08/06/2009
02:27

Back to School With Jeremih
The Colbert ReportS5

Chicago Public Schools officials appoint Jeremih, the guy who sings "Birthday Sex," as their new back-to-school spokesman.
08/06/2009
04:32

Movies That Are Destroying America - Summer
The Colbert ReportS5

"G.I. Joe" helps the French, and "Orphan" doesn't go far enough in reversing the harmful stereotype that adoption is good.
08/06/2009
00:34

Intro - 8/6/09
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen reviews the movies that are destroying America and talks to Meryl Streep about her role as Julia Child.
08/06/2009
05:42

Barbara Boxer
The Colbert ReportS5

Barbara Boxer's new novel, "Blind Trust," is about a liberal California senator involved in a scandal, but it's not a veiled confession.
08/10/2009
00:33

Intro - 8/10/09
The Colbert ReportS5

Vladimir Putin returns to the spotlight, and Stephen interviews Barbara Boxer with deaf suspicion.
08/10/2009
04:54

Cold War Update - Cuba & Topless Putin
The Colbert ReportS5

Obama stops a pro-democracy ticker, Cuba runs out of toilet paper, and Vladimir Putin goes topless on his Siberian vacation.
08/10/2009
00:15

Sign Off - Encore
The Colbert ReportS5

It can't be the end of the show, so Stephen's going to stick around and see if he does an encore.
08/10/2009
05:22

Better Know a District - Maine's 1st - Chellie Pingree
The Colbert ReportS5

Chellie Pingree doesn't have to explain why Portland has the nation's third largest concentration of women living together -- it's just hot.
08/10/2009
02:28

Death Panels
The Colbert ReportS5

Sarah Palin and Newt Gingrich speak out against death panels even though they don't appear in the health care bill.
08/10/2009
02:22

Stephen's Driving Tips via Twitter Service
The Colbert ReportS5

After Stephen learns how dangerous texting while driving is, he starts his new Driving Tips via Twitter service.
08/11/2009
02:36

Alpha Dog of the Week - Betty Lichtenstein
The Colbert ReportS5

Betty Lichtenstein gives herself a fake award at a phony banquet for being the best pretend nurse.
08/11/2009
07:39

Yes We Afghan - James Carville
The Colbert ReportS5

James Carville campaigns for Ashraf Ghani in Afghanistan's upcoming presidential election for the opportunity -- not for the money or opium.
08/11/2009
00:13

Sign Off - Prevent Forest Fires
The Colbert ReportS5

Only you can prevent forest fires by getting rid of forests.
08/11/2009
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