The Colbert Report
Intro - 8/6/09
Season 5 • 08/06/2009
The government seizes a creationist dinosaur theme park, but Jesus escapes on a triceratops.
Human WeekThe Colbert ReportS5
Since sharks don't kill that many people, the Discovery Channel should replace their Shark Week with Human Week.
2010 Midterms - Joe SestakThe Colbert ReportS5
Joe Sestak is running against Arlen Specter for the Pennsylvania Senate seat so he can bring health care reform to all Americans.
Bill Clinton's Personal AppearanceThe Colbert ReportS5
Bill Clinton frees two journalists from North Korea, but Laura Ling leaves without her delicious sandwich.
Kris KobachThe Colbert ReportS5
Kris Kobach wants to fight illegal immigration on the local level and reward the people willing to come to this country legally.
Meryl StreepThe Colbert ReportS5
Meryl Streep won't feel responsible if her role as Julia Child influences kids to think cooking is cool.
Yahweh or No Way - Dinosaur Adventure Land & Black Market KidneysThe Colbert ReportS5
The founder of a creationist dinosaur theme park refuses to pay taxes, President Obama may be a secret Mormon, and a Jewish man trades kidneys on the black market.
Back to School With JeremihThe Colbert ReportS5
Chicago Public Schools officials appoint Jeremih, the guy who sings "Birthday Sex," as their new back-to-school spokesman.
Movies That Are Destroying America - SummerThe Colbert ReportS5
"G.I. Joe" helps the French, and "Orphan" doesn't go far enough in reversing the harmful stereotype that adoption is good.
Intro - 8/6/09The Colbert ReportS5
Stephen reviews the movies that are destroying America and talks to Meryl Streep about her role as Julia Child.
Barbara BoxerThe Colbert ReportS5
Barbara Boxer's new novel, "Blind Trust," is about a liberal California senator involved in a scandal, but it's not a veiled confession.
Intro - 8/10/09The Colbert ReportS5
Vladimir Putin returns to the spotlight, and Stephen interviews Barbara Boxer with deaf suspicion.
Cold War Update - Cuba & Topless PutinThe Colbert ReportS5
Obama stops a pro-democracy ticker, Cuba runs out of toilet paper, and Vladimir Putin goes topless on his Siberian vacation.
Sign Off - EncoreThe Colbert ReportS5
It can't be the end of the show, so Stephen's going to stick around and see if he does an encore.
Better Know a District - Maine's 1st - Chellie PingreeThe Colbert ReportS5
Chellie Pingree doesn't have to explain why Portland has the nation's third largest concentration of women living together -- it's just hot.
Death PanelsThe Colbert ReportS5
Sarah Palin and Newt Gingrich speak out against death panels even though they don't appear in the health care bill.
Stephen's Driving Tips via Twitter ServiceThe Colbert ReportS5
After Stephen learns how dangerous texting while driving is, he starts his new Driving Tips via Twitter service.
Alpha Dog of the Week - Betty LichtensteinThe Colbert ReportS5
Betty Lichtenstein gives herself a fake award at a phony banquet for being the best pretend nurse.
Yes We Afghan - James CarvilleThe Colbert ReportS5
James Carville campaigns for Ashraf Ghani in Afghanistan's upcoming presidential election for the opportunity -- not for the money or opium.
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