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The Colbert Report
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The Colbert Report
Intro - 8/6/09
Season 5 • 08/06/2009
The government seizes a creationist dinosaur theme park, but Jesus escapes on a triceratops.
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Watching
03:13
Human Week
The Colbert Report
S5
Since sharks don't kill that many people, the Discovery Channel should replace their Shark Week with Human Week.
08/05/2009
08:11
2010 Midterms - Joe Sestak
The Colbert Report
S5
Joe Sestak is running against Arlen Specter for the Pennsylvania Senate seat so he can bring health care reform to all Americans.
08/05/2009
02:44
Bill Clinton's Personal Appearance
The Colbert Report
S5
Bill Clinton frees two journalists from North Korea, but Laura Ling leaves without her delicious sandwich.
08/05/2009
05:49
Kris Kobach
The Colbert Report
S5
Kris Kobach wants to fight illegal immigration on the local level and reward the people willing to come to this country legally.
08/05/2009
00:02
Sign Off - Goodnight
The Colbert Report
S5
Stephen says goodnight.
08/05/2009
06:03
Meryl Streep
The Colbert Report
S5
Meryl Streep won't feel responsible if her role as Julia Child influences kids to think cooking is cool.
08/06/2009
06:00
Yahweh or No Way - Dinosaur Adventure Land & Black Market Kidneys
The Colbert Report
S5
The founder of a creationist dinosaur theme park refuses to pay taxes, President Obama may be a secret Mormon, and a Jewish man trades kidneys on the black market.
08/06/2009
00:04
Sign Off - Goodnight
The Colbert Report
S5
That's it for The Report, everybody.
08/06/2009
02:27
Back to School With Jeremih
The Colbert Report
S5
Chicago Public Schools officials appoint Jeremih, the guy who sings "Birthday Sex," as their new back-to-school spokesman.
08/06/2009
04:32
Movies That Are Destroying America - Summer
The Colbert Report
S5
"G.I. Joe" helps the French, and "Orphan" doesn't go far enough in reversing the harmful stereotype that adoption is good.
08/06/2009
00:34
Intro - 8/6/09
The Colbert Report
S5
Stephen reviews the movies that are destroying America and talks to Meryl Streep about her role as Julia Child.
08/06/2009
05:42
Barbara Boxer
The Colbert Report
S5
Barbara Boxer's new novel, "Blind Trust," is about a liberal California senator involved in a scandal, but it's not a veiled confession.
08/10/2009
00:33
Intro - 8/10/09
The Colbert Report
S5
Vladimir Putin returns to the spotlight, and Stephen interviews Barbara Boxer with deaf suspicion.
08/10/2009
04:54
Cold War Update - Cuba & Topless Putin
The Colbert Report
S5
Obama stops a pro-democracy ticker, Cuba runs out of toilet paper, and Vladimir Putin goes topless on his Siberian vacation.
08/10/2009
00:15
Sign Off - Encore
The Colbert Report
S5
It can't be the end of the show, so Stephen's going to stick around and see if he does an encore.
08/10/2009
05:22
Better Know a District - Maine's 1st - Chellie Pingree
The Colbert Report
S5
Chellie Pingree doesn't have to explain why Portland has the nation's third largest concentration of women living together -- it's just hot.
08/10/2009
02:28
Death Panels
The Colbert Report
S5
Sarah Palin and Newt Gingrich speak out against death panels even though they don't appear in the health care bill.
08/10/2009
02:22
Stephen's Driving Tips via Twitter Service
The Colbert Report
S5
After Stephen learns how dangerous texting while driving is, he starts his new Driving Tips via Twitter service.
08/11/2009
02:36
Alpha Dog of the Week - Betty Lichtenstein
The Colbert Report
S5
Betty Lichtenstein gives herself a fake award at a phony banquet for being the best pretend nurse.
08/11/2009
07:39
Yes We Afghan - James Carville
The Colbert Report
S5
James Carville campaigns for Ashraf Ghani in Afghanistan's upcoming presidential election for the opportunity -- not for the money or opium.
08/11/2009
00:13
Sign Off - Prevent Forest Fires
The Colbert Report
S5
Only you can prevent forest fires by getting rid of forests.
08/11/2009
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10/12/2022
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This Game of M.A.S.H. Is a Real Monster in Cursed Friends
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Four pals must break an evil spell and change their fates when a classic kid's game to predict the future comes back to haunt them in the Comedy Central original movie Cursed Friends.
10/10/2022
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Out of Office Explores Remote Work Absurdity
Out of Office
A young woman experiences the bizarre extremes of working from home in the film Out of Office, starring Milana Vayntrub, Ken Jeong, Jay Pharoah, Cheri Oteri, Jason Alexander and more.
09/19/2022
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00:35
A Front Row Seat to South Park The 25th Anniversary Concert
South Park
S25
Sing along to silly songs and classic symphonies from the show on South Park The 25th Anniversary Concert, premiering August 13 at 10/9c.
07/27/2022